Here's My Heart

“Is it easier than when you had Jasey?”

Alex shrugs in response to William’s question and watches as his friend cradles Connor close to his chest, being careful to support his head, just as Alex told him to. “I guess a little bit. Only because I know what I’m doing and he’s not as prone to health issues like Jasey was. And still is.”

“That’s true. Have you been getting enough sleep, though? I was always worried about that when you had Jasey. You always seemed like a dead man walking.”

“Eh. I get enough, I guess. Jasey was quiet when she was born. She barely cried and she slept a lot but I was always so anxious about her not being able to breathe right that I didn’t take the time to sleep. But Connor’s opposite. He cries all the time and never sleeps. It’s draining.”

William laughs, “But Jack’s helping, right? If he’s not, I’ll beat him up for you.”

“No he’s great. He’s awesome, actually.”

Alex smiles to himself as he watches William handle Connor. The baby’s been home for a month now but this is the first time that William and Gabe have stopped by to see him. They claimed they didn’t want to be a bother and that they would wait until the excitement died down. Alex sees through that though, because he knows William just wanted to be able to hold Connor without having three other people waiting to do the same thing.

Gabe has already had his bonding time with the one month old and is now seated in the living room playing a board game with Jasey who’s actually home from day camp because she’s sick. She woke up with a stomach ache and Alex had no issue with keeping her home for the day. It actually makes his life that much easier because he didn’t have to leave his house to drop her off.

“Who do you think he’s gonna look like?” William questions, shifting the baby in his arms. “I bet he looks just like you. Jasey looks mostly like you but you can tell Jack’s her dad too.”

“That would suck for him, huh,” Alex jokes, getting up and heading over to the fridge. The time is creeping past noon and it’s been two hours since he last fed Connor and he knows that he’s going to be hungry again pretty soon. “He’ll be better off looking like Jack.”

“Why do you always put yourself down like that?” William shakes his head and smiles slightly, “You’re attractive, Alex. And I’m not just saying that ‘cause you’re my best friend. I mean it. And I think Gabe would agree. Right Gabe?”

Gabe turns around, eyes wide as if he’s been taken off guard. “Yeah. I agree with Bilvy,” He says awkwardly before smiling and turning back to his game with Jasey.

“That doesn’t count,” Alex tells William who’s now smirking and giving him an ‘I told you so’ look. “He had no idea what we were even talking about.”

“Well whatever. You’re hot. Accept it.”

Alex rolls his eyes and hands the bottle over to his friend. “See if he’s hungry and stop trying to flatter me.”

It takes a few minutes but eventually Connor stops squirming around and relaxes enough to be fed. “Am I doing it right?”

“Yeah. Just make sure you tilt the bottle a little more, though. Cause then he’ll be drinking air bubbles and that will make my life much more complicated, believe it or not.”

“Right. Okay. And uh, will he like, go to sleep right after he eats? Or…”

“Probably not. He’s not fond of sleeping, you know.”

“Oh. Okay then. And is it normal for him to have so much hair already? And will his eyes stay blue?”

Alex narrows his eyes. “Yes and maybe. Why are you asking me so many questions?”

“No reason,” William replies, shrugging a bit too quickly to be normal. “Just wondering.”

He doesn’t say anything else, but Alex can’t help but suddenly feel highly suspicious.

-&-

Jack gets home at three, an hour after William and Gabe have left. He kicks his shoes off near the door and removes his tie, tossing it onto the couch before sitting down right beside Alex and sighing loudly.

“Rough day?” Alex asks, laughing lightly and curling into Jack’s side. He put Connor down for a nap only about twenty minutes ago and hopefully he’ll sleep for at least another half hour.

“Nah,” Jack shakes his head, wrapping one arm around Alex’s shoulders. “It wasn’t too bad. Summer school, by default, is awful. But the kids weren’t too bad today. It’s just really fucking hot out. And I’m wearing a suit.”

“That’s what you get for working at a private school and agreeing to teach summer school,” Alex teases.

“That’s what I get for having two kids and a husband to provide for,” the older boy teases back, pushing on Alex and putting most of his weight on him so that the younger boy falls backwards, laying flat on his back. “Speaking of kids, where are they?”

“Connor’s asleep, thank fuck,” Alex explains, groaning and stretching his arms out behind his head as he looks up at Jack. “And Jasey’s in her room playing with her Barbie dolls.”

“Oh good – I think this is the first time he’s slept since what, ten pm yesterday?”

“No he did fall back asleep around two this morning but then he was up again at five.”

“Oh. Right. It’s hard remembering this shit. Jasey could sleep for hours straight. Remember how nervous we’d get when she wasn’t making any noise?”

“Well she was a special case. Still it, really,” Alex reminds him. “She has an appointment with the pulmonologist next week.”

“Uh…what’s a pulmo - whatever the hell you just said?”

“Lung doctor.”

“Right. Got it.”

Alex laughs again and stares up at Jack with a fond expression, “You know what I realized today? Your birthday’s in exactly two weeks.”

Jack scrunches his nose up. “Don’t remind me. I’m gonna be twenty seven. I feel old.”

“You’re so far from old.”

“I already have a husband and two kids. Normal people are only just getting married.”

“Would you change anything?”

Jack is quick to shake his head, “Definitely not.”

-&-

Aquariums have always been one of Jack’s favorite places to visit. Ever since he was a little kid he would always ask to go and when his parents would finally take him, he could spend hours with his hands pressed up against the glass, watching the variety of fish swim around on the other side. Jasey, however, seems to be the opposite.

His daughter is walking around in circles, her hand gripping a dog leash which is attached to a stuffed dolphin that’s being dragged along the floor. Jack has been trying to get her interested in all the different displays of fish tanks but she really just seems to be interested in the stickers on the floor shaped like Angel Fish that act as a sort of guide through the aquarium.

“Dad? Is Kennedy coming to the fishy store too?”

Jack frowns. “No. You’ll have to wait until we get home to see Kennedy. And it’s an ‘aquarium’, not a fish store, Jasey.”

“Okay.” She draws the word out, walking unsteadily towards Jack and wrapping her arms around his leg. “Are there whales here? Is Daddy coming? When does the party start?”

Sighing, Jack bends down to her level and picks the stuffed animal off the floor, tucking it into her arms. “He’s going to get all dirty if you keep dragging him around like that, baby girl,” he tells her, ignoring her three questions. She tends to ask too many things at once and if they’re really important, she’ll realize she’ll have to ask again. “Why don’t we go follow the fish stickers and see where we go next?”

“Okay!”

She turns around and jumps onto the next fish sticker in her sight, turning around and looking at him with a look that clearly says ‘why aren’t you following?’ So Jack gets up and walks behind her, keeping close because she kind of has a habit of disappearing on him and this place is huge and yeah. It’d be pretty difficult to find her.

He wasn’t exactly very keen on taking her to the aquarium in the first place, either – just for the reason that she might get lost. But Alex ‘insisted’ that he take her because it would be good ‘bonding time’, which yeah, okay that’s a good point. It’s been a while since he’s spent any time with Jasey since Connor was born a month and a half ago. Plus, it’s his birthday today. What better way to spend it than with his daughter, right?

He also is very aware of the fact that Alex only wanted him out of the house just so he could set up for the “surprise party”. Jack only found out about that because while they were driving, Jasey sort of let it slip when she expressed her excitement for “the big party at our house later that Daddy said I’m not allowed to talk about”.

“Can we take the baby here?” Jasey asks a little while later while they’re sitting on bleachers outside, waiting for the ‘Sea Lion Celebration’ exhibit to start. Jack’s not entirely sure how he got roped into this thing but the look on Jasey’s face when the man explained exactly what would happen during the show was one that he really couldn’t say no to. So yeah, twenty bucks later, here they are, sitting in ninety degree weather with nearly a hundred other people.

Jack shrugs his shoulders, tightening his grip around Jasey’s waist while she’s in his lap. He finds it funny that she rarely ever refers to Connor by his name, instead just calling him ‘the baby’. “Do you think he’d have fun?”

“No. He’d drool all over the fishy tanks.”

“Okay then maybe we can wait until he’s older. How about that? And you can show him all the different fish.”

“When he’s five like me. And can Kennedy go too?”

“Right. That’s a good age, I agree. And I’m sure Kennedy can come if you ask Uncle Caleb or Kyle.”

She keeps quiet then, sitting contently and squeezing the stuffed animal to her chest. Jack smiles. She pretty much is Alex in girl form, looks-wise, and she’s absolutely beautiful. He swears she’s not dating ‘till she’s twenty.

-&-

Jack’s ‘surprise’ party turns out better than he expected it would. All of his friends are there, Alex’s mom, and even his own mother turned up. She wasn’t exactly very talkative and she left after only an hour or two but Jack’s okay with that. They’re not close and he doesn’t expect her to want to be in his life so much. It doesn’t faze him nearly as much as it probably should.

“Ugh, you’re old,” Zack says with a sigh, leaning up against the wall next to Jack. “Have you looked into retirement homes yet?”

“No but I’ve looked into dog houses for you to sleep in from now on,” Jack shoves his shoulder and causes the younger boy to stumble.

“Okay, sorry. I take it back. But Rian and I are moving out in a week so really it doesn’t matter.”

It’s then when Alex comes out of the kitchen, Ryan following behind him carrying a large cake with white frosting and “Happy Birthday Jack!” written in blue letters and a large amount of red candles sticking out and Jack tries to hide his smile but he really can’t. Alex looks so happy and adorable that there’s no possible way that Jack could react any other way.

“Jack, come over here,” The younger boy requests, grabbing onto Jack’s wrist and pulling him over to where Ryan has just set the cake down on the table. “We’re gonna sing happy birthday now.”

Jack tries to protest but Alex ignores him and starts lighting all of the candles, one by one until Gabe jumps in to help him, starting to light the ones on the other side. Jack is pretty sure there’s way more than twenty seven but he figures that Jasey and Kennedy and Delaney probably had a hand in putting them on.

He stands through the singing of ‘happy birthday’, trying his best not to laugh too hard at his friends’ awful singing (he’s sure they’re doing it on purpose, though) and to keep his blushing under control. He’s not the biggest fan of attention really and this is kind of overwhelming but he’ll deal to make Alex happy. He catches his husband’s eyes, finding him staring at him and he feels his heart do that flippy thing it always does when Alex looks at him and yeah. He’s a big sap.

Eventually they all finish their horrifying rendition of the song, each person seeming to end it at a different time, and Jack leans down to blow the candles out, but he feels someone tug on his jeans and when he looks down he finds Jasey and Kennedy and Delaney looking up at him and he knows they want to blow the candles out for him. So he pulls the cake closer to the edge and tells them that he’ll count to three and they’ll do it together. Of course, they don’t really listen and they all blow them out before he really gets to three but he doesn’t care because all that really actually matters is the fact that he’s got his family surrounding him and basically proving to him that he’s one of the luckiest guys on the planet.

-&-
Zack and Rian

“Hey, do you remember if I actually took “The Hangover” with us? Or did I leave it on Alex and Jack’s TV stand?”

Rian shrugs. “I don’t remember seeing it in any of our boxes. You should call them and ask.”

Zack sighs in an irritated fashion. “I’ll do it later.” He suddenly feels something wrapping itself around his legs and he doesn’t even have to look down to know what it is. “Get it away from me, Rian.”

“Hey, he’s not doing anything wrong. Go sit on the couch if he’s bothering you that much,” Rian responds as he puts another DVD on the shelf. He’s a bit obsessive with them being in alphabetical order. He hears Zack sigh again and make his way over to the couch that’s a few feet away and he knows the younger boy is probably curled up in the middle with his feet tucked underneath him and glaring at the kitten that really just wants someone to pet him.

“What would you do if I just let it outside in the middle of the night?” Zack questions, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Would you hate me?”

“I’d cry for weeks. But you know I could never hate you.”

“That’s good cause you have to live me for the rest of your life.”

“Yep. Lucky me. We’re adults now, huh?”

“Yeah but I still don’t know how to do laundry,” Zack confesses.

Rian rolls his eyes. “I’m going to have to teach you, aren’t I?”

“Yeah. But you love me so you’ll do it willingly.”

Rian does actually end up teaching his boyfriend how to do a load of laundry. They were lucky enough to find an apartment that had both a washing machine and a dryer and it didn’t cost them too much extra. So Rian talks him through the process step by step as patiently as he can. Sometimes things just go right in one ear and out the other for Zack but Rian’s learned that patience is a virtue.

“So I just pour this in here, then?” Zack asks, looking hesitantly at the cap filled with laundry detergent. “It seems like a lot…”

“It’s fine, just pour it in, close the door and press start.”

Zack does as he instructs, still wearing an apprehensive expression. “I hope I didn’t fuck this up,” he says after he presses start and the machine begins the washing cycle.

“I was watching you the whole time. It’s fine. It’ll be done in a half hour. Let’s go start a movie or something?”

“Okay. You pick. I’m gonna change into sweatpants cause my jeans are too tight and are cutting off my circulation I think.”

Rian frowns. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

“No!” Zack exclaims, “These jeans have always been too small!”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Zack makes it a point to glare at him before leaving the laundry room and walking down the hall to their bedroom. He peels his jeans off (seriously, they look like they’ve been painted on and are probably two sizes too small) and grabs a pair of sweatpants to change into so he’s more comfortable. Before he leaves again, he glances around the bedroom, smiling at the fact that it’s theirs. Just theirs. Alex and Jack aren’t down the hall and neither is a five year old or a newborn. It’s just them, finally. He’s kind of been looking forward to this day for a while and now that it’s here, he’s having a hard time believing it.

He leaves the room after he’s felt like he’s left Rian with the DVD collection long enough and heads back down the hallway. But as he passes the laundry room, he does a double take and actually smacks himself in the head. “Rian!”

The soap is pretty much everywhere – on top of the washing machine, around the washing machine, and starting to make its way towards the door. Rian manages to walk through it all, muttering under his breath as he shuts the machine down and pulls the door open. More soap suds come out and he just stares at them with a look of disbelief.

“How the hell is this happening? I measured out just the right-”

“I told you it was too much soap,” Zack taunts, walking over to his boyfriend and getting soap all over his sweatpants. “But you didn’t listen.”

“It’s the same amount of soap I always use.”

“Maybe this machine is different. Actually, obviously this machine is different. But whatever. We can just clean it up.”

“I wanted to just watch a movie with you though,” Rian pouts and grabs Zack’s hips and pulls him closer. “Now we have to actually clean something. Where’s Jack and Alex when you need them?”

“We’re ‘adults’ now Rian. Time to grow up.” Zack pecks him on the lips and moves to leave, but Rian keeps a tight hold on him.

“Can I ask you something?” The older boy questions, leaning forward and pressing their noses together. “I want you to answer me honestly, okay?”

“Um. Okay…”

“Will you marry me?”

“I-What?”

“You heard me,” Rian says, smiling at the expression Zack’s now wearing. “Marry me. Spend the rest of your life with me.”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me to marry you while we’re standing in a laundry room with soap bubbles surrounding us. Really romantic, Ri!” Zack pulls away and hits Rian in the arm but Rian knows there’s really no anger behind it. “But if I have to answer, then I say okay.”

Rian smirks. “Just ‘okay’?”

“Fine. Definitely. Absolutely. No doubt about it. Yes.”