Here's My Heart

“William Beckett?”

Beside Alex, William freezes, his hand tightening around Alex’s fingers. “You’re coming in with me, right?” He asks, whispering so that nobody around them can overhear.

“Of course I am, Will,” Alex assures him as he stands up first. He forces William to let go of his hand so that he can bend down and pick up the car seat that Connor is sleeping in. It’s the first time he’s slept for longer than a half hour since yesterday so Alex makes sure to be extra careful in picking him up. He doesn’t need his two month old waking up and screaming his lungs out in the middle of the waiting room of a doctor’s office. It’s already happened when he went to the Pediatrician for his first checkup and yeah. Alex doesn’t want to relive it.

He and William both follow the nurse who called them into the back of the doctor’s office where the exam rooms are. She puts the folder with William’s name and information into the slot on door number four and says, “Doctor Madison will be in with you in a few minutes.”

She smiles kindly and opens the door for both William and Alex to step inside. Before she goes she looks down at Connor, smiles a bit more and questions, “How old is he?”

“Two months,” Alex responds, sitting down in the chair that’s up against the wall. He notices William’s eyes linger on Connor too and he feels bad for the guy. He’s stated so many times that he doesn’t want any kids and here they are, trying to find out if he actually will be having one.

“Well he’s adorable,” the nurse tells Alex before adjusting William’s folder and leaving the room.

“I think she likes you,” William mumbles, rubbing at his forearms nervously. “I should warn Jack.”

“You should worry about yourself,” Alex warns him, leaning forward and making sure the blanket is covering Connor enough. “You’ve got enough to deal with without worry about some nurse telling me my kid is cute.”

“Yeah…Okay you’re right.”

“I mean, I’m sure it’ll all be fine-”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Alex. I don’t want kids. Gabe and I aren’t the type of people who want to be parents. We…We’re completely fine with babysitting your kids and then giving them back once they start throwing temper tantrums.”

“But maybe-”

William laughs dryly, “Definitely not. Our lifestyle doesn’t work with kids. And that’s something we’ve always been completely okay with.”

“Well what are you going to do if it turns out you’re pregnant?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet, to be honest. But…Well…Yeah, I don’t know…”

“You’d keep it, right?

When William doesn’t answer right away, that’s how Alex knows his answer. He knows it’s not his life and he has no say in what William does or doesn’t do. But still. Abortion is something he’s never believed in and he definitely thought William was on the same page with that. But, Alex has to remind himself that it’s none of his business. William can do what he wants to do and Alex really shouldn’t have an issue with it.

-&-

It’s one in the afternoon when Alex gets home from the doctor’s office. He invited William to come inside and hang out but he declined, claiming that he’d rather just go home and sleep until the office calls him with the test results. Alex didn’t have the heart to tell him he’ll likely be waiting for a few days, depending on how busy the labs are.

The first person he sees when he walks through the front door is Kennedy. He’s sitting on the landing of the steps and he looks more than a little bored.

“What are you doing there?” He asks as he locks the door. Connor is still asleep, which is surprising but beautiful at the same time.

Kennedy shrugs and grabs onto the banister as he quietly says, “Daddy said I’m in time out.”

“Oh. Did he say why?”

When the little boy just shrugs again, Alex figures he’s not going to get much information out of him. So he continues into the kitchen where he finds Jack working on grading a stack of papers with a red pen and Kyle is fixing himself a cup of coffee. Jasey is nowhere in sight and if he’s honest, Alex is slightly concerned.

“What’s going on?” He asks, putting the car seat on top of the table and Jack takes it upon himself to turn it so that it’s facing him. “Why is your son in time out? And where’s Jasey?”

Kyle shows off his million dollar mega-watt smile as he picks his coffee cup up from the counter. “Kennedy is in time out because he didn’t listen to me and refused to hold my hand while we crossed the street while walking home from the camp. And Jasey I think is playing with the soap in the bathroom.”

“Oh, her favorite past-time,” Alex sighs and sits down beside Jack. “And why do you seem so grumpy?”

“I’m not grumpy,” Jack mumbles, contradicting his statement with his frown and furrowed eyebrows.

“He’s just disturbed by the fact that our children are destined to be married,” Kyle informs Alex cheerfully, “Yesterday, when Caleb went to go pick Kennedy up from camp, you hadn’t gotten there for Jasey yet so she was still there too. And before he left, Kennedy kissed her on the cheek goodbye. Isn’t that adorable?!”

Alex laughs, one hand moving to rest on Jack’s knee. He knows the older man is super over-protective of Jasey and he swears up and down she’s never having a boyfriend if he can help it, but he’s got to face it eventually. There’s a pretty good chance that in the future, her and Kennedy will likely have an undeniable chemistry and they will get married and everyone but Jack will be happy about it.

“It is pretty adorable,” Alex admits, “Thanks for picking her up today, by the way.”

Kyle shrugs. “It’s no problem. How’s William…?”

“He’s kind of…shook up, I guess. But he’ll be okay, I think, as long as the results come back negative. If not then I’m not too sure what’ll happen.”

“Well we’re all here to get him through it. And Gabe too. Anyway I should be getting my disobedient son home. Caleb is probably wondering where we are.”

Kyle leaves his half empty coffee cup on the table and heads out into the hallway to retrieve his son from time out. Not a minute later does Alex hear the front door open and close and now he knows that they’re alone. Aside from Jasey playing with the foaming soap in the bathroom and Connor sleeping in his car seat.

“You are such a grumpy old man,” Alex teases, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the side of Jack’s head. “Kyle was just trying to get you worked up about the whole Jasey and Kennedy thing on purpose.”

“I would rather just never think of her dating anybody ever and she can just stay five years old forever,” Jack pouts, putting his pen down and leaning back in his seat. He reaches out and plays with the blanket that covers Connor. “And this one. Once he hits five he’s not getting any older either.”

“Aw, Jack. I know Jasey’s our little girl and you don’t wanna see her grow up. But-”

“Yeah, yeah I know. It’s part of being a parent and every parent has to go through it. I get it.” He kisses Alex quickly and then stands up, grabbing Connor’s car seat gently. “I’m gonna go make sure Jasey hasn’t flooded our bathroom with soap or water and put this guy in his crib. Hopefully he doesn’t wake up.”

“Can’t we just leave him there? I feel like moving him would definitely wake him. Just put him in the living room with the TV on and you can grade your papers in there.”

“Okay. Then you go check on Jasey and meet me back down here so I can ravish your body.”

Before leaving the room, Alex gives Jack a rather creeped out expression, causing the older man to laugh loudly as he leaves. The second he puts his foot on the first step, Connor’s cries echo throughout the house and Alex sighs. Two hours of sleep is better than nothing, though.

He finds Jasey not in the bathroom where he expected her to be, but in her bedroom. She’s on the floor, flipping through the pages of her Princess coloring book. She’s wearing a rather frustrated look and she looks pretty adorable. But Alex can only imagine what’s going through her head right now for her to be that frustrated. She tends to have the same mind as Jack and that’s proven to be kind of a bad thing when it comes to pre-school and being with other kids her age.

“Hey baby girl. What’s going on?”

She looks up in surprise, her eyes widening at Alex’s sudden presence in the room. “I’m coloring,” she says innocently, brandishing the marker in her hand to prove it. “How come there are no pictures of our family in here?”

“What do you mean?” Alex gets down on the floor beside her, watching as she continues to flip quickly through the pages of the book.

“There’s no picture of two daddies,” She says simply, pointing at one specific picture of a prince and a princess, “There’s a mommy and daddy.”

Alex can’t help but grin, finding himself suddenly so immensely proud of her that he can barely contain it. Of course, he’s always been proud of her. She’s faced road blocks in her life pretty much since she was born and she’s had no problem taking them on. But for some reason this one instant seems so much more important right now.

He ruffles her hair, causing her to frown “How about you draw your own picture of two daddies and color that in and I’ll hang it up on the fridge.”

“Can I draw you as puppies? I don’t know how to draw people,” she says, pouting slightly as she pulls out a piece of white construction paper.

“Sure. Whatever you want. I’m gonna be downstairs with Dad and your brother, okay? Bring it to me when you’re done?”

“Daddy, you can’t rush art.” She rolls her eyes, looking much too similar to a teenager for Alex’s liking.

He widens his eyes in amusement, “Well then, I’ll just leave you to your masterpiece and wait patiently in the living room.”

Alex stands up and walks over to the bedroom door. He keeps his eyes on her for a few seconds, trying to decide if her sassy little attitude is going to prove to be a problem in the future, more so than it already is at pre-school. But he figures it can’t be a totally bad thing. She’s just going to be very opinionated and will probably voice her opinions about everything. Poor Kennedy will just have to learn to deal with her.

He leaves the door halfway open and makes his way back downstairs. He finds Jack standing in the middle of the living room, the TV on and playing the news. He grimaces at Alex when their eyes meet and he continues swaying on his feet in some weird attempt to get Connor to stop whining.

“I got him to stop screaming a bit after you went upstairs,” Jack explains with an exasperated expression, “But now he’s just being difficult. I don’t know if he wants to sleep, which I guess is the least likely option, or if he wants food or if he just wants to be held. He is seriously the most indecisive baby in the world.”

“I think maybe he just wants you to sit down and hold him,” Alex tells him, pointing to the couch. “I’m only guessing though. And can you please remind me to stop letting William take Jasey to art galleries. She told me I ‘can’t rush art’. What five year old says that?”

Jack grins, “My five year old. Can I just say that I can’t wait for her to start going to school for the full day? Her teachers aren’t going to know what hit them.”

Groaning, Alex sits back on the couch. “We really need to start putting her in time out when she uses bad words, alright? That’s going to be the main issue. And it’s pretty much all your fault because you have the worst mouth when it comes to cursing.”

“Hey!” Jack objects, sitting down on the couch beside Alex, “I’m not the only one. You do it too. I specifically remember Zack telling you to stop cursing while you were around her and you said, ‘It’s not like she can understand what I’m saying’. So, it’s not just me. It’s you too.”

“Whatever. I don’t care about that. It just needs to stop before she really gets into trouble for it at school.”

Jack hums in agreement, smiling as Connor finally stops whining. He gently lets the baby lean completely against his chest, one hand running over his back and the other reaching out to grab Alex’s as he looks over and asks, “Can I take you out tomorrow? Like on a date. Dinner and a movie.”

Alex blushes and lets his fingers tighten around Jack’s. “We haven’t gone on a date in forever.”

“Which is why I’m asking you on one right now. We can call Zack and Rian and get them to come over here and watch Jasey and Connor. And then we can see a movie and get dinner. Or the other way around, whatever. And then I can ravish your body just like I said I wanted to do before. Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“Jack!” Alex smacks his husband’s leg hard, “Rian and Zack are not going to want to stay after we get back, plus they’re not going to want to watch our two kids while we go have sex in our bedroom. That’s so unbelievably awkward it’s –”

Jack sighs. “Well fine then. What if…Okay what if we get them to sleep here and we can just get a hotel room?”

“No. They’re not going to want to.”

“I don’t care what they want,” Jack whines, “I want to have sex with you – that’s what I care about.”

“Watch your mouth in front of our child,” Alex mumbles, rubbing his thumb over Jack’s hand. To be honest, the whole idea of getting a hotel room is appealing but he knows Zack and Rian probably wouldn’t be as keen on the idea. It’s a long shot. “What can we bribe them with?”

“Zack likes bananas. And Rian likes watching him eat bananas so-”

Alex pulls his hand out of Jack’s and slaps both over his ears as he stands up from the couch with a disgusted expression, “I hate you! Oh my God Jack that was so gross! I can’t believe you just said that!”

The last thing he ever wants to know about is Rian and Zack’s sex life (it’s bad enough he knows they’re even having sex at all) and seriously Jack just kind of insinuated things and yeah. Now he’s grossed out and feels like he’s going to vomit.

“Hey, you’re the one who made it out to be sexual!”

“I’m going to go drown myself in the bath tub.”

“You’re so overdramatic! That’s where Jasey get it’s from!”

-&-

“So…You want me and Rian and to watch Jasey and Connor here so you and Alex can just have sex at your house?”

Jack frowns, shaking his head slightly. “No – well, I mean yes but not exactly. I’m taking him out to see a movie and get dinner and then we will have sex at our house. But only if you agree to watch them here at your place and then I’ll come pick them up in the morning.”

Zack narrows his eyes and leans against his kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s in it for me? All Connor does is scream and cry and all Jasey wants to do is dress me up in a princess dress and put makeup on me. Call me crazy but spending an entire night with them does not sound appealing, as much as I love them.”

“I can pay you. Ten bucks an hour and you’ll have them till like seven or eight in the morning. Think about that,” Jack offers, running a hand through his hair.

Call him desperate – fine. But he really just wants to have a night out with Alex followed by a night in consisting of sex and cuddling and no three month old that wakes up every two hours or a five year old who doesn’t understand the concept of ‘bed time’ and that two bedtime stories are more than enough to help her fall asleep.

“Well…If you put it that way, then there’s no way I can say no. But I also would have to talk to Rian first.”

Jack nods in understanding, keeping his fingers crossed behind his back. He knows it’s childish but whatever. He doesn’t even care at this point. Anything to get Zack to say that he’ll do it. He watches as the younger boy reaches for his cell phone but something catches his eye. The sunlight coming in from the window hits something on his hand and causes the light to reflect back and shit, Jack thinks, is that a ring?

He reaches out and grabs Zack’s left hand pulling him forward and causing him to nearly drop his cell phone.

“What the hell are you doing?” He exclaims, trying to pull his hand back out of Jack’s grip but Jack’s not letting go. “Dude seriously, you’re being weird. Don’t make me call Alex and tell him to come pick you up-”

“This is new,” Jack interrupts him, observing the silver band closely, “When did you get this?”

Zack hesitates with the cell phone still pressed to his ear. “Uh… Well. About a month ago,” He says softly, putting the phone back down on the counter. “Um. Can you let go-?”

“This is an engagement ring.”

“Well-”

“Rian wants you to marry him. And you said yes, obviously. Why didn’t you tell Alex yet?” Jack questions, keeping his voice level and calm because he doesn’t want Zack to think he’s mad. He’s not mad at all. Just kind of confused as to why he’s been keeping this a secret.

Zack sighs and runs his hand through his hair quickly before looking back up at Jack. “I don’t know. I’ve been putting it off. I’m afraid he’s going to be mad about it, or something, I guess.”

“Mad at you? He’s not going to be mad. Surprised, maybe, but definitely not mad. You need to tell him. He’d want to know. He’ll probably start jumping up and down like a little girl and –”

“But what if he thinks we’re too young for this? He’s always had an issue with my age and I understand that to an extent but-”

“Zack that was when you were seventeen and dating a drug dealer. And then it was when you were eighteen and knocked up. You’re twenty two now. I don’t think he’s going to be opposed to you wanting to get married to someone you’ve been with since you were seventeen.”

Zack still looks fairly uncertain. He bites his lip and looks to Jack helplessly and Jack kinds of doesn’t really know what else to say. He’s almost positive that he’s right about how Alex would react. He’s not going to get pissed. He’ll probably be excited and will want to start planning things right away. But there’s way he can really convince Zack of that, so he just wraps an arm around his shoulders and squeezes him tight, trying to be as comforting as possible. It’s not easy not knowing how someone, who means as much as Alex does to Zack, will react.

-&-

When William’s phone number flashes across the caller ID in the kitchen, Alex knows he’s in for either one or two things. His best friend will either be overjoyed and ecstatic because he’s not going to have a baby in a matter of months, or he’s going to be depressed and angry because he is and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

He glances at Connor, who’s sitting in his baby swing next to the kitchen table, watching the TV with wide eyes, and upon seeing that he’s content enough, Alex answers the phone with a wary ‘hello’.

“So you don’t have to worry about becoming an uncle again. The test came back negative.” William’s tone is happier than Alex has heard it in a long time and he can hear Gabe speaking in the background about something but Alex can’t really tell what.

“Well, that’s awesome for you, William,” Alex responds cheerfully, “I’m sure you and Gabe are-”

“Actually, I can’t really talk for long, Alex. Gabe and I are going out. But I’m going to come see you tomorrow if that’s okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah that’s fine. Have fun.”

William hangs up before even responding to Alex and Alex can’t help but laugh because seriously. He expected William to be happy but not that happy.

“Who was that?” Jack asks from the kitchen door, his fingers working on the button of his jeans. “I think the button broke…”

“It was William. His test came back negative so he’s in the clear. And he and Gabe are going out tonight but they’ll stop by tomorrow. And are you sure the button’s broken? Maybe you’re just getting fat.”

Jack looks up and glares at Alex. “It’s broken.”

“Okay. Whatever. Just wear a different pair. Zack said he’d be by any minute now to pick the kids up. I still can’t believe you managed to convince him to do this.”

“He was more than happy to do it,” Jack grunts as he finally gets the button closed. “Besides he said he wanted to talk to you about something anyway. I’m gonna go make sure Jasey is dressed and ready to go and isn’t playing with the soap again.”

Jack is gone again in a matter of seconds, Alex watching him go while admiring from a distance. Jack cleans up nicely. Especially when he wears button down shirts and his looser fitting jeans. Tonight’s going to be fun, Alex decides. They haven’t been on a date in forever and he can’t even remember the last time he saw a movie, let alone did anything anywhere near intimate with Jack.

Connor’s crying breaks him from his thoughts and Alex snaps his eyes over to him, finding him reaching out towards the TV screen. The TV show he had been watching is no longer on and instead some commercial about iPod's is. Alex bends down in front of him and unbuckles him from the seat, all the while trying to calm him down because if he keeps crying he’s just going to make himself sick.

“Come on, baby. IPods are cool. You’ll want one when you’re older. Trust me. And I’ll probably say no because they’re too expensive and you’ll hate me for an entire day.”

The knock on the door comes at the worst timing possible of course, because now he’s got Connor crying in his arms and he has to open the door for Zack and Zack will probably not be very happy to see that Connor’s in a bad mood. But he makes his way to the front door and he can hear Jack yelling at Jasey upstairs and fuck this is a really bad start to their night already.

Of course Zack is quick to realize that he’s in for a rough night the second Alex opens the door. He grimaces at Connor as he steps inside, kicking his shoes off near the door. “Someone’s not happy,” he says.

“And Jasey’s being yelled at by Jack so she’s probably going to be in a bad mood too. I’d say good luck, but you’re going to need way more than luck to get through tonight with your head on straight.”

“Oh. Well we’re planning on getting some sort of fast-food so that might cheer her up a bit. What do I do with this one though?” He asks as he takes Connor out of Alex’s arms, “I’m not getting any sleep tonight, am I?”

“I told Jack he shouldn’t have asked you. You don’t have to do this-”

“No Alex it’s fine. You two deserve a night out to have fun and uh. Do whatever else you need to do…”

“Are you sure? And Rian’s okay with this?”

Zack laughs, his hand gently rubbing Connor’s back but the baby is still crying. “He’s actually kind of excited. He rented a bunch of Disney movies and he already set up the crib that Ryan and Brendon said we could borrow. He’s looking forward to it, needless to say.”

“Okay…That makes me feel slightly better. But anyway, Jack said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

Alex leads him into the living room where he has both Jasey’s things and Connor’s packed away in a backpack. He bends down and picks it up, watching Zack struggle to say what he has to.

“Well I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something for a while,” he says slowly but loud enough to be heard over Connor’s crying. “It’s…Okay. I just don’t want you to get upset with me. Promise me?”

“Of course. I swear I won’t.”

“Well the thing is…Rian asked me to marry him about a month ago. And I said yes.”

The words sound so strange coming from Zack’s mouth. It’s not that Alex is upset. He’s really not. Why should he be? It’s just…kind of weird. His best friend who he’s practically raised since the kid was sixteen is getting married. But at the same time it’s exciting because weddings in general are exciting and it’s not like Zack's not mature enough to know what he's doing.

“Are you kidding me right now? That’s fucking awesome!” After realizing the words he used, he bites his lip and reminds himself that he’s kind of supposed to be watching his language. “I mean, seriously, this is awesome!”

He reaches forward and hugs Zack as best as he can, avoiding squishing Connor in the process. The baby isn’t crying as loudly as he was before but as usual, he’s still whining and there are still tears dripping down his face. Clearly he’s not nearly as excited about this new information as Alex is.

“I thought you were going to be upset, honestly,” Zack says quietly, shifting Connor over to his other side. “But this is a much better reaction.”

“Have you started thinking about planning things yet or no?”

“Not yet. We’re taking it slow. Maybe you can help us out? I wanna talk to Brendon and Ryan too and get all the information I can out of them cause I really liked where they had their reception.”

Alex nods, “Okay. We can talk about it tomorrow.” He smiles again and reaches out to ruffle Zack’s hair. “I’m proud of you. You turned out halfway decent even though you were brought through most of your teenage years by me and a mess of other people.”

-&-

“Do we want to see Sex and the City or that Batman movie?” Jack asks, looking up at the board with movie times. His fingers are slipped into the front pocket of Alex’s jeans, and for once, nobody is staring at them and giving them shit for being who they are. It’s a nice change and Alex thinks that it’s mainly because it’s fairly early for a Friday night date and there aren’t a lot of people around but still. It’s nice.

“Um. What sounds more appealing to you?”

“Sex and the City. But only because it has the word ‘sex’ in it. But if we’re talking about the actual content of the film, I’ll say Batman.”

Alex laughs and pushes Jack lightly towards the entrance to the movie theater. “Come on. We’re going to be late if we don’t buy tickets now.”

Jack buys their tickets, insisting that he’s the one who can pay because he asked Alex out and he’s a gentleman who pays for their date. Alex didn’t have the heart to argue with him so he just let Jack pay for everything. It’s not like it really even matters to him anyway.

“Can we sit in the back so I can blow you in the middle of the movie?” Jack asks once they get into their actual theater and Alex blushes hard. Jack’s been acting like a hormonal teenager ever since they left their house. He’s thankful that there’s nobody sitting near where they’re standing because that would be embarrassing.

Jack leads them to the very back row of the theater, right in the middle. He smirks at Alex as the lights dim and the previews start, his hand quickly finding itself at home on Alex’s knee. “Are we gonna make out like teenagers and get kicked out before the movie even starts?” he whispers, his lips close to Alex’s ear.

“If you get us kicked out, I will just kick you in the balls and deny you sex for three weeks. Does that sound appealing to you, Jack?”

“Not really, no…”

“Then watch the movie. I actually want to see this.”

“You’re such a boring date,” Jack grumbles before sitting back in his seat and ripping open his bag of m&m’s.

Alex puts his feet up on the back of the empty seat in front of him, his eyes focused on the movie screen. It’s been forever since he’s been able to go out and sit and watch a movie in a movie theater so he kind of wants to fully enjoy it. Jack will just have to deal.

It’s halfway through the movie that Alex thinks he might actually have to go through with his threat of kicking Jack in the balls because suddenly Jack is leaning into him, his fingers tangling with his and his nose pressing against his cheek. He’s about to push him away and give him a warning but then Jack is talking, his voice low so that nobody around can hear him.

“I just had the sudden urge to tell you that I love you. And you’re the most amazing person in the world because you gave me two kids and a life that I never thought I was capable of having.” Alex catches every single word, his cheeks burning as he tightens his fingers around Jack’s while the older man keeps talking. “Thank you so much, Alex.”