Telegraph Avenue Kiss

My mom was going to be gone for the weekend, and despite the fact that I was seventeen, she still didn't trust me to be home alone. I dunno, something about the last time I was alone I broke half the furniture in the living room. So I was staying at Mikey's house the whole time. After a whole Friday night of playing Spyro nonstop, Mikey had finally collapsed and was now asleep on his bed. I got into bed beside him and tried to close my eyes and drift of to sleep, but my rumbling stomach wouldn't allow it.

I went downstairs and fixed myself a sandwich, then sat down on the counter and bit into it. I was just in my boxers, but it was the middle of the night, so I wasn't expecting anyone to stroll by and see my excessively tattooed torso.

I heard a commotion coming from the basement, and soon a half awake Gerard stumbled into the kitchen looking very zombie-esque, and went over to the refrigerator. He opened the door and white light flooded the kitchen.. He glanced over at me, noticing for the first time that I was there. He raised his eyebrows.

"Frankie? Wow, you have a lot of tattoos." he said. He rubbed at his eyes and yawned.

I found it cute that he covered his mouth when he yawns. He closed the refrigerator door and leaned against the cabinet I was sitting on. He was looking at me in awe, eyes searching over my body. He reached out and traced the ink on my left arm.

"Hey, Gerard, can we...talk?" asked, kicking my legs against the cabinets. Yeah, this was going to be the talk. Maybe I'll have the courage to tell him... but he's already pushed me away twice... I adore the boy, but there's only so much I can take before I get done with his games. I know there's something going on between us, I'm not blind. Every time we're in a room together, we...flirt. We mess around, but Gerard always stops it before it gets serious.

Gerard nodded and looked up at me. I sat my sandwich down on the counter beside me and clasped my hands together. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Okay...ummm, Gerard, if you really like someone...and I mean if they are all you think about during the day, you live for the moments you get together, you dream about them...they are absolutely perfect to you no matter what they do..." I trailed off to look up a distraught-looking Gerard. Was he upset because he knew that I was talking about him, or does he think that I'm talking about someone else?

"Anyway, if you like someone that much, it shouldn't matter whether they're a boy or a girl, right?" I asked quietly. His head snapped up to look at me with eyes wide.

"What?" he asked, looking confused. I sighed and tried again.

"It doesn't matter if a boy likes another boy, does it?" I asked miserably.

"Frankie, you...like a boy?" He didn't sound disgusted, so that's a good sign. I nodded and looked down at my hands.

"It's not...wrong, is it?" I whispered. Gerard put a hand under my chin and made me look at his face.

"No, of course not. If you like a boy, that's fine. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise." he told me, and my heart lifted. He smiled and smoothed down my hair. "So, who is it?"

Oh, wouldn't you like to know? It's you, idiot. I love you.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes. So I know you to beat up if your heart gets broken." he said as if it was obvious. I blushed and smiled. I didn't know that he cared that much.

He leaned against my leg and looked up at me cutely.

"So, tell me about this boy who has turned my Frankie over to the dark side. Does he know you like him?" he asked. He started to draw circles on the bare skin of my thigh.

"Um, no. I really don't want to tell him. I think I'd die if he didn't like me back." I sighed as he laughed.

"You're such a girl. You'd die if this guy rejected you?" I nodded.

"I would. It would crush me. So I elect not to tell him. See, everything works out."

"But doesn't it suck to keep it all bottled up inside?" he asked.

Oh, if only you knew, Gerard. You don't know what you're doing to me right now. Every time you touch me I shiver. Every time you look at me I die a little inside because I know I can never match your perfectness. I can't even have you...you don't want me.

"Yup. My brain is slowly deteriorating. I'd love to just tell him, but I'm a pansy. I'm terrified he'll push me away."I said, looking down again. I didn't want to go on, now that I was this deep. I don't think I can ever tell him. Gerard took one of my hands in his and leaned down so he was in my line of view.

"Aw, Frankie, how could anyone not like you? You're such a cute little kid, you know."

I bristled at that. I know Gerard didn't say it to annoy me, but it did. I didn't want to be a kid to him.

"Well, how the fuck am I supposed to tell him?" I asked.

"Um...just go up to him and kiss him when he leasts expects it."

"Would that actually work?" I asked thoughtfully. If I kiss you, what happens?

"Maybe. At least you have the balls to try." He shrugged.

"Yeah, I'll do that. Then get beaten up." I sighed and picked up my sandwich. After inspecting it, I decided that it was safe to eat, so I took a bite. Gerard's stomach growled, and made me giggle. He made a mean face at me until I held the sandwich out to him. He raised his eyebrow and took a bite warily.

While it was still in his mouth, he leaned up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and got peanut butter all over the side of my face.

"Gerard, ew!" I squeaked.

"Relax Frankie, it's just peanut butter."

"But my face is all sticky..." I groaned. Gerard pouted.

"Aw, poor thing. Here." He grabbed me by the neck and pulled me down. He stuck his tongue out and licked my face and neck. I started laughing.

"It tickles, Gee!" I exclaimed. He laughed as I squirmed and tried to get away. But he had his arms around me firmly and wasn't letting go.

"Well, I can't help it if you taste like peanut butter,you freak." he muttered.

"Ah, you're an ass. Did you know that? You're always mean to me, and I think that you should apologize." I told him. Gerard rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sowwy, Frankie. Forgive me?" he asked. He rested his head against my neck and nuzzled into it. Aw, how cute does this boy get?

"Yeah, I guess." I said, ruffling his hair.

"So, who's the boy that you like?" I grunted in response.

"Oh, come on, tell me... I swear I won't tell anyone. Is it Mikey?"

What? Mikey? Are you really this dense, Gerard? Do you see me kissing Mikey, or sharing food with him? Ugh, hell no. Am I somehow being vague? Does he think that I do this with everyone?

"No. It's not Mikey."

"You're cute." That was random. I raised my eyebrow at him. He just smiled sweetly and nodded.

"Well, thank you. But sweet talk will not get you anywhere. I'm not telling." I told him, poking his face. He frowned.

"Do I know him?"

"Probably not. He goes to school with me." I lied. I know a second ago I was getting annoyed at him for not realizing that I adore him, but there's no way I'm telling him outright. If he has a feeling that I like him, there's always that little nagging doubt lodged in the back of everyone's brain that said No, he doesn't like you, you'll just make a fool of yourself. So he probably wouldn't come out and ask me. But if he did, I knew that I would tell him the truth.

"Oh. Is he gay?"

"I don't know. I've never asked. I can't just to go up to him one day and ask him." I told him.

"Why not? I would." Of course you would, darling. You're everything a gay boy would want.

"But then everyone would know that I like a boy, and...I couldn't handle that. Do you know how awful that would be?"

He looked up at me oddly. His head left its spot on my shoulder and he stepped back. The floor suddenly appeared to be very interesting to him at that moment, because that was where his eyes were glued. He was really nervous. This is the first time I had seen him truly nervous, and I took a moment to study his nervous habits.

I already knew about his other habits. When he was happy, he'd stare off into nothing-ness and return with a smile, like he was imagining whatever had just been said. He had an active imagination, rare in most guys over twenty that I knew. When he was sad, he'd bite his lip and mope. He would walk around with his head low, hardly talking to anyone. But nervous...this nervous, anyway, was something new. Biting on his lip and swiping at his left eye, he looked back up at me.

"Yes, I do, Frank." he muttered.

Wait...what? This wasn't what I was expecting. Sure, Gerard was flowery and dramatic, but he was epic. He had a strong personality, that was all. I thought.

"You're..."

"I'm gay, yeah. And it's horrid. Everyone found out somehow in the last days of the school year, and I got beaten up so badly that I nearly went to the hospital. I had to tell Mom that I wrecked. It would fucking kill her if she knew, but I can't help it. I like guys. And, Frankie, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that shit. No one deserves it... You know what I don't get? How, in this world there is poverty and war and hate, god, so much hate and destruction. They preach about wanting peace and love for the world, but if they see two boys expressing their love to each other, it's an abomination and must be destroyed. They think they have the right to say they're any fucking better than me... how can they..?" Gerard stopped. There was pain in his eyes. He's thought about this alot. He looked down at his hands and wiped at his eyes again, but for a different reason.

I reached my hand out to touch his cheek. "Gerard..." I bent down to kiss the spot between his eyebrows. I only let my lips linger briefly, because if I'd allowed myself any longer then I'd never pull away. Before either of us got comfortable, Gerard pulled away quickly.

"Ah...goodnight, Frankie. Hah, I didn't really mean for this to turn into a big emotional scene. Sorry." He said quickly.

"It's fine, Gee. I just needed to talk to someone. Mmm, good night."

I watched Gerard, my troubled little artist, disappear down the stairs, then I slid off the counter and ran up the stairs.