Telegraph Avenue Kiss

I sunk back down on my ass on the merry-go-round in front of Gerard. His face wasn't telling me anything. I didn't know how he could just sit there and not say anything after his brother announced that I liked him. He was going to make me start. Asshole.

"Gerard, I like you." I said miserably. I hugged the bar and waited for his reaction. With all the weirdness between us, I couldn't imagine what was running through his head. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was nervous, is this good or bad?

"Frank...you're 17." he said quietly. This was bad. I nodded and forced myself to look in his eyes. Something was there..was it pity or regret? Neither was the emotion I was looking for. I wanted him to want me.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled before planting a kiss to my forehead. I tried to fight back the tears, hold on to the last shred of dignity that might be left, but...I'm just a kid. I couldn't take all these emotions swirling around in my head.

I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks, and felt ashamed that I was getting like this. I was still a boy, and didn't want anyone to see me cry. At least when Gerard didn't know how I felt, I could pretend that he might secretly like me back, and the kisses ment something, but this...

He scooped me up in his arms, and I felt him kiss the top of my head. Kisses weren't really working right now, Gee... I don't need your half assed attempt to cheer me up. I don't want you to kiss me, tease me, have no intention of ever loving me.

"Please don't cry, baby." he said. He smoothed down my hair. I shook my head, not letting him sweet talk me or...cuddle me into submission, or something to that affect. Which is just what the manipulative little ass would do. Somewhere along the line in New York, he had learned the secrets to melt your heart.

"No! You don't get it. When we were in the kitchen, and I told you all that stuff about not being able to think of everyone else, I was talking about you!" I struggled out of his grasp and stood up. He looked defeated. He felt defeated? How the hell does he think I feel? I'm dying.

...A little over-dramatic, I know, compared to all the people in the world who really were dying, but I felt like it. My throat was closing up and it felt like a syringe was stuck in my heart. I turned on Gerard for making me hurt this bad.

"And you! You can't tell me that you don't feel something for me. I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't kiss me and make me believe I had a chance..." I lost my nerve just about there and stalked off. My fists were clenched so tightly that my fingernails cut into my palms and blood began to trickle down my hand. I disappeared into to the trees surrounding the park. I crouched down at the base of a tree and choked back a few tears.

That soon turned into outright sobbing, despite my desperate attempts to stop. I cried like I hadn't done since my dad walked out on us when I was little. This is what Gerard had reduced me to. A sniffling little kid with a crush. I hate this. I hate him, and his brother.

No I don't. I love them still. I have a weak heart when it comes to both of them. Gerard could tell me I was worthless, and I would agree with him and try harder to please him. I can't believe I even had the self-discipline to remove myself from his arms and walk this far.

Had I not been sobbing so loudly, I might have heard the leaves crunching under his footsteps, or the creak of leather as his jacket moved when he took his place in front of me. A hand tilted my chin up so I was forced to look at Gerard. He no longer looked defeated, or regretful, just a little sad. He opened his arms up so I could fall into his embrace, which is exactly what I did. He shifted my weight a bit so I was completely in his lap, and rocked me back and forth. Every now and then he'd kiss my forehead or nose, or whisper something sweet to me. I couldn't stand having him so...unbearably close to me, but there was no way I would pull away now. How could I?

My head was hidden from the world, pressed against his chest. He still managed to smell fruity and fresh even in the middle of the night. I moved my head a little so my ear was pressed against his chest and listened to his heart beat. Even though he just crushed me, I still marveled at everything about him. Just about the fact that he was sitting here, breathing, holding me close and not saying anything.

When the first rays of light tinged the sky, I wondered how long he'd held me. I heard him say something muffled about the sunrise, and soon we were off the ground. Gerard carried me over to the swings. He sat down in one, and pulled me in his lap, putting his arms all the way around me. We were turned in the direction that the sun should be rising from. Gerard kicked off from the ground a little so we were gently swaying back and forth.

This is what heaven is like. A bit redundant, comparing heaven to two gay boys on a swing watching the sunrise, but still. My heaven. Frankie's heaven.

I turned my head round a bit to watch Gerard. His eyes were closed, and he had a sweet little smile on his lips. I wanted to tell him everything that was running through my head at that moment. That he was beautiful. That I loved him and would do anything for him, but it didn't seem like enough. 'I love you' wouldn't begin to cover it. I don't think I could speak anyway.

When Gerard opened his eyes, it was like everything around us sprung to life. The warm, yellow-orange sunlight bathed everything in a soft glow. The streetlights flickered off, and my heart skipped a few beats.

"Morning." he whispered, as not to break the delicate holy-ness of Frankie's heaven.

"Obviously." I grinned.

He gave one of his dazzling smiles, and I figured that he brought this upon himself. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his. At first I was met with resistance, but then he melted and responded by running his fingers through my short hair. I sucked on his bottom lip and got the reaction I was looking for when he moaned and tightened his grip around my waist.

His eyes fluttered closed, but I wasn't having that. I didn't want him to imagine himself kissing someone else. He had to see me, had to realize how much I wanted him and he wanted me back. I ceased my current attack on his lips to kiss each of his eyelids. He got the hint and looked up at me. I touched my nose to his and smiled. He smiled back, but there was despair laced underneath.

No, no, this is all going to shatter, isn't it? Gerard, please, you need me.