Telegraph Avenue Kiss

Gerard sighed. "Oh, Frankie, I wish you weren't so fucking cute." he said, pushing me gently off of his lap. But, since I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening, I ended up landing flat on my ass in the sand. I stood up and frowned at Gerard. What does he want? He acts like he wants me, but at the last moment he pushes me away. I really am not going to survive much longer if this was going to continue.

"Gerard..." I whimpered. He makes me feel like a wimp. I just don't know how to deal with him. He's even more confusing than any of the girls I've been with, and that shouldn't happen since we're both boys, but no. It gets more complicated. You'd think that we'd be happy without all this emotional shit that happens in a relationship...

Gerard stood up and took my hand in his. He kissed it and sighed.

"You know we can't be together, honey..." he cooed.

"Why? Don't you like me?" I asked. That part was obvious. We just made out.

He raised his eyebrow, noting the sarcasm that tagged along with my question. I really wasn't up for much bullshit right now. I tried to open myself up to Gerard, tried to get him to respond to me, but was met with more of his smooth talk. I just want my creepy goth-boy, vampire-wannabe Gerard back.

"Yes, of course I do. But you're 17 and I'm 22." he said, the softness falling away. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed, looking away from my face. Age couldn't be the problem here. He looks just as young as me, and acts like a teenager. He can't even look me in the eyes when he knows I'm not happy, just like a kid would do with their parent. But this was not a 'parental' situation that we were thrown in.

"Gerard, you know that doesn't matter. Give me one real reason why we can't be together, please. Don't give me some half-assed excuse to try and cover up the fact that you don't want me." I tore my hand away from his and instead placed it on my hip. Gerard's hand reached down to toy with the zipper on his jacket.

"There's a hundred reasons. You're my baby brother's best friend. You're in high school...and I don't want you to go through what I did, especially because of me. If we ever went out...I'd just end up breaking your heart. Trust me, I've fucked up enough good relationships to learn my lesson. I'm un-lovable, self-centered, derranged, and I constantly play images in my head where I kill people. You are better off without me. There, is that enough legitimate reasons?" he asked, cocking his head to the side arrogantly.

"Pft, hell no. You can't come up with a reason to drive me away. I'm stubborn like that." I told him. He rolled his eyes, but I think that he believed me. He should. He knows that I'm stubborn, but I know the same about him. "Gerard, I don't know why you won't even give me a chance. I don't care if it ends up bad, I just want to be with you." I leaned up to plant a kiss on the side of his jaw.

He turned his face away and shook his head. I tried again, this time kissing the ridge of his ear. He shivered and leaned his face into my neck. "Don't, Frankie." he whispered against my skin. I ran my hands through his hair and kissed his ear again.

"I swear, Frankie, stop it or I'll bite you..." he warned. I flicked my tongue out to his cheek.

"Go ahead." I said. He growled and pushed me away, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand.

"Frank!"

"Gerard!"

"...what?" He raised his eyebrows at me and crossed his arms over his chest. I opened my mouth to speak but didn't know what exactly to say.

"Walk with me." I said lamely. I held my hand out to him. He looked at me warily before placing his hand in mine. He laced his fingers through mine and let out a sigh.

"Where to?" he asked. He sounded as if he didn't really care, and I didn't either. As long as I was walking with him, anywhere is fine.

I shrugged and picked a direction at random, pulling Gerard with me. I think we were headed in the direction of school, but the dark was disorienting and I couldn't tell. We walked along the sidewalk, swinging our hands together like a couple. Stores lined the streets we were on, and only then did I realise we were in the middle of town.

The glass windows of the stores reflected Gerard and I walking beside each other, and I think it looked right. I glanced over at Gerard, and saw he was staring at the reflection as well. I stopped and tugged on Gerard's arm to halt him.

I looked all around us and smiled. There was no one here.

"Gerard, look." I said. He spun around trying to find what I was talking about. He gave up and gave me a questioning look.

"There's no one here. It's quiet. I like this." I said. He smiled and gave me a one-armed hug.

"Me too. There's no one around to see me do this..." he said, then suddenly I found myself pinned to the brick wall of the nearest store. Gerard looked down at me, smirked, then kissed me. I wound my arms around his shoulders and held him tightly. When he pulled away, he kept our noses touching.

"This is sending mixed messages, sweetie." I breathed, closing my eyes.

"Yep. Frank, you're hot. You're sweet, amazing, and you like me. Just so we're clear, I like you too. So much." I raised my eyebrows hopefully. "But...I can't be in a relationship with you. I'm no good in relationships because I always end up fucking things up, adn there's no way I'm guving myself a chance to break your little heart." he told me. It was so sweet. Why did he have to say it like that? It just made me like him even more.

"So...this is all because I'm a kid? That's not fair." I pouted. He kissed my cheek quickly.

"Don't pout, Frankie." he said. I ignored him and looked down at the ground, my eyes starting to tear up.

"Hey, don't do this..."

"No, Gerard, this isn't fair. I like you and you like me, and-" He shut me up with a kiss. I, of course, melted in his arms. That boy can do wonders with his tongue...

My legs gave out and I slid down the wall to land flat on my ass. Gerard laughed at me until I pulled him down with me. He landed on my lap with a grunt.

"Geez, you're heavy." I groaned.

"Hey, it's your fault, Frankie." he said, then leaned in to kiss me again, but I held a finger up to his lips.

"Nuh-uh, Gerard, you're not getting any more kisses." I told him. As much as I hated myself for this and wanted to feel his lips on mine, I couldn't let it go on like this.

"Why?" Gerard asked as he stood up.

"I am not a boy-toy. If you want to kiss me, that's wonderful, but you have to be willing to commit to me. I deserve that." I said proudly. I grabbed the bottom of Gerard's shirt and pulled myself to my feet.

"You're right...but I know you like it when I kiss you." he said.

"Yeah, well, you're stil not getting any kisses." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh?" he asked. He leaned in closer to me, but I kept me lips sealed. So he licked my lips. I cracked a smile and took his hands in mine.

"Gerard, you're bipolar. First you want me, then you don't, and I'm too young and you don't want to hurt me, but you're dying to kiss me. So, let's settle this right now. If you kiss me, this had to go somewhere, alright? And if not, if we just go home, then we're friends." I told him. I don't know how I could ever just be friends with Gerard. From the moment he got here, we were always really touchy with each other, and if we can't be like that, I don't think I can be around him.

Gerard frowned and looked down at his hands. He was biting his lip so hard I'm surprised it wasn't bleeding.

"How much would it hurt if I just walk away?" he whispered. He still wouldn't look at me. I gulped and found that my throat was close to closing up completely.

"I'd be crushed." I told him, closing my eyes. He wasn't going to kiss me. He's going to walk away and leave me here to break down in tears on the sidewalk. His hands left mine. I didn't open my eyes because I knew I couldn't bear to see him walk away. I counted to 400 before I let myself look up.

He was gone. All the hope I'd been holding on to dissolved. He didn't want me. I was stupid to think that he ever would. I walked back to his house with my head hung low.