Tell Me That You Love Me

I woke up a few hours later, my head in Nick’s lap. His body was shaking with laughter and I turned to the TV to see an episode of Criminal Minds on. I turned my head so I was staring up at him and he noticed the movement. He muted the sound before looking down at me, a slight smile grazing his lips.

“What’s so funny Nick?” I asked as I turned back to the television. The scene playing out on the screen held no humor in it, and I was confused as to why he was laughing.

“I was thinking about that time we got in a fight right after we started dating. We were in your room during that break from tour and we were watching this exact episode. You told me that your heart would never completely belong to me because of Dr. Spencer Reid. You told me you were completely and unwaveringly in love with him, and I told you it was stupid that you were in love with a fictional character. You got mad at me and wouldn’t talk to me for hours. I remember I had to beg the rest of the guys to find out what was wrong. I was so afraid that you didn’t love me.” Nick was laughing again by the time he finished the story and while his face held a smile mine was solemn. I turned my face back up to face his and I sighed when he noticed the expression on my face.

“When did you stop loving me?” I asked, surprising both of us. I was shocked at my question, and I was curious as to where it came from. I was awaiting his answer and I could tell he was trying to figure out how to answer it.

“Do I get a choice in answering this?” He asked as I sat up and turned my body so I was facing him.

“You don’t have to answer it. I was just curious.” I mumbled, turning my attention to Dr. Spencer Reid on screen as he was shot in the leg.

“What did Eric say? I swear one of these days the band is going to have to find someone to replace him, because I’m going to kill him. I may have to switch bassists with your brother.” Nick looked slightly pissed and I regretted my question.

“He didn’t say… anything.” I mumbled, attempting to lie.

“Dakota my dear, you are a horrible liar.” Nick laughed slightly before running a hand through his hair.

“Eric just told me what you said to Kennedy… and then that you still love me.” I mumbled the last part as I stared at my sock clad feet. My words were met with silence from Nick and I picked lightly at the nail polish on my fingers.

We sat there quietly for a while, both of us looking at anything except each other. This was hard ground for us to maneuver and neither of us wanted to mess it up. Nick shifted uncomfortably on the couch and I started fidgeting with the bracelets on my wrist. It continued for a few minutes before my phone started to ring. I picked up quickly, smiling slightly as John’s name appeared on the screen. I looked over at Nick quickly to make sure he didn’t mind and he nodded his head. “I need to get my thoughts in order anyways.” He smiled slightly as I clicked the talk button on my phone.

“Hello John Ohh.” I answered eliciting a small laugh from John.

“Hello my wonderful Dakota. How are you?” I smiled as the voice of my best friend filled my ears.

“I’m good. I’m just hanging out with Mr. Santino.” I smiled over at Nick as he sat on the couch running his hands along the fabric of his jeans that covered his knees. I scooted closer to him and covered his hand with mine. He smiled at me slightly before intertwining our hands.

“Tell him I said hey. About earlier Dakota, I had no idea that Kennedy took my phone and called you. I confronted him about it and he totally broke down. I don’t know how much of this we can all take anymore. You and Kennedy both need to sit down when we come home for Thanksgiving and talk about what happened. I know it’s hard, but your friendship was so amazing, and you shouldn’t throw it away over a disagreement.” John’s voice was strained and I knew that what had happened with Kennedy and I had been hard on all the boys.

“John… after what he said to me today, I don’t know if that’s possible.” I answered, sad at how true my words were. The venom in Kennedy’s words was strong enough to freeze my heart.

“I just think you two need each other more than either of you know. It may not be as lovers, but you guys need to be in each other’s lives.”
“Maybe you’re right John. I just don’t know right now. But I’m in the middle of something here so can I call you later? Tell Jared, Pat and Garrett I love them.”

“I will Dakota. I love you.”

“I love you too John.”

I silently hit the end call button on my phone and sighed slightly. Nick and I sat in silence, our hands still intertwined.

Nick cleared his voice slightly and I looked up at him. His blue eyes met my green ones and he shot me a sad smile. “Everything Halvo said is true. I’ve been in love with you since you fell out of that van and I’ve never stopped even when I noticed the way you looked at Kennedy, or when you dated Dylan. Not even when I watched you fall apart the first time because of Kennedy, and not even now when I can see how much you love Kennedy even after the way he's treated you.” His voice was laced with sadness, and it made me upset to know that I had caused Nick so much pain because of Kennedy.

“You’re the one I should be with Nick.” I mumbled slightly before he looked at the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“Shush. Let’s not talk that way okay? You’re my best friend, and I’m yours. We both need each other right now.” Nick scooted closer to me on the couch, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I love you Dakota.”

“I love you too Nick, even if it isn’t the same way you love me.”

We settled into a comfortable silence, both of us accepting at that time neither one of us were feeling how the other one wanted them too.