Hey Dreamer

“Alright, pair up!” my trigonometry teacher, Mr. Salvatore called over his shoulder, writing down the problem on the board. I looked around for Zeke, but found him nowhere. He had come in with me, I’m sure of it. Although, now that I think of it, I don’t remember seeing his blonde head slip into a seat at the beginning of class, and he hadn’t replied to roll call. Where did he go?

“Miss Abbott, it’s not optional,” Mr. Salvatore said, glancing at me. I chewed on my lip and played with my notebook when a chair slid up next to me. I looked up and there was Derek, Zeke’s friend from the football team, my saving grace.

“Don’t worry, Sal. I’ll be her partner,” he said with a grin that almost blinded me. He had the most perfect, straight and pearly white smile I had ever seen. They were so straight that it didn't seem plausible to me. His orthodonist must be the happiest dentist in the world to have that smile on his record.

“Good. And Mr. Walker, it’s Mr. Salvatore or Coach. Do you understand?”

“You got it, Sal,” Derek replied with another stunning smile. He winked at me and grabbed his notebook from the desk next to mine. Had he really sat there the entire time? Am I really that blind, or self-involved?

Mr. Salvatore rolled his eyes but didn’t continue to argue with Derek.

“I want you to, in your groups, use everything we’ve learned so far to solve this problem,” he announced.

“Great,” I grumbled under my breath.

“What’s the matter?” Derek asked, whispering as we began to scribble down the problem.
“I hate math.”

“You’re taking trig as a sophomore. You can’t hate it that much, right?”

“Just because I’m sort of okay at it doesn’t mean that I like it. I’m just trying to get my math credits out of the way.”

“Understandably. Well, let’s get this started, yeah?”

We started the problem, our arms brushing occasionally.

“What do I do here?” he asked, pointing to the step he’d reached and gotten stuck on. I pulled his notebook towards me and dragged my finger down his steps, scribbled in his strangely neat handwriting. Both Rhys and Zeke, the only two guys I have ever known enough to focus on their handwriting, had the sloppiest chicken scratch I had ever come across. Then again, Derek was already proving to be the exception to a lot of rules.

"You would move this over here, by dividing it and then take the square root of this radical," I explained.

"The seven-x squared?"

He leaned into me, pointing to the square root hovering over a small seven connected to an even smaller x. He was so close, I could smell the gentle scent of his cologne. It was distracting, actually. He smelled of the ocean, just a bit, with hints of freshly brewed coffee and of paint. It was unique, a scent that no one else in the world had worn.

“Yeah. When you simplify that, you have x and the square root of 7. Subtract x and there’s your x equals radical seven.”

He let out a small noise of acknowledgement and when I glanced over at him, he was still very close. He was so close that I could see each of his individual eyelashes. He had the most incredible eyes, a dark brown that I could get lost in, a dark brown the color of coffee beans. He had a slight amount of baby fat on his cheeks but that did nothing to hide his angular jawline, strong and truly masculine. His jaw was covered in a layer of dark stubble that was the same length of hair of his head, due to a buzz cut.

“Do you understand?”

He moved away and nodded.

“Alright, let’s see what you came up with. Miss Abbott,” Mr. Salvatore called out, causing my head to snap up. “Would you care to write the solution you and Mr. Walker came up with on the board for the class?”

At that moment, I decided that Mr. Salvatore hated me and I hated him. I stood up on legs that no longer felt like legs. In their place, there were two boneless stalks of jelly that wobbled as I tried to take steps towards the board. One by one, I made my way up front. I breathed deeply in and out and took the chalk from my teacher. I stepped up right in front of the board and pressed the chalk to the dark surface. My hand shook so violently that the chalk made a tiny tapping noise as it bounced. I started the problem but all I could focus on was the stares of 13 other students on my back. The small piece of chalk slipped from my hand and tumbled to the ground. I quickly bent down to scoop it up when the whistle came, that obnoxious, haunting wolf whistle that sent off so many alarms. I dropped the chalk again and took off out of Salvatore’s classroom which was set at the very end of the hall next to this year’s freshman lockers. I booked it as fast as I could down the long, straight hallway, my feet pounding on the off-white tiles towards the bathroom. I couldn’t even think straight. My brain blared with the one thought I’d had since then.

Run.

I finally collapsed just inside the girls’ bathroom door, a sob working its way up from deep within my gut. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried. Why was it that every time life was beginning to be okay, someone had to mess it up?

I tried not to think about the last time I was in here like this, the overwhelming fear that I’d never get better swallowing me whole. It was all his fault. The last time Rhys had found me here was during my break down that landed up in Pacific Bay, Michigan. I didn’t want to go through that again. I couldn’t bear the pain the first time. The scars still line the inside of my arms, and I wasn’t allowed so much as an Advil without supervision. I couldn’t let it get the best of me. Not again. Not this time.

But I couldn’t stop my tears. I couldn’t get control of my breathing.

I fumbled for my phone, pulling it out of my back pocket. Rhys made me keep it on me at all times.

I dialed.

“Lydia? What’s wrong?” Rhys asked.

“Come get me,” I barely choke out.

“Mr. Abbott, phones are not to be used in the school,” I hear in the background. My heart sinks. I’m going to get him in trouble, again. He doesn’t need any more trouble. He’s already done so much for me.

“Never mind, Rhys. If you’re going to get in trouble, it’s not worth it,” I mumbled.

“You’ll always be worth it, Lydia. You’re more important than school to me. You always will be. I’ll be right there.”

“I’m in the girls’ bathroom,” I said unevenly, my voice wavering again. Rhys was my best friend in the world. If there was one person I trusted with my life, it’s him. He’s been there through it all and never once doubted me. He never once told me that I was overreacting or that I needed to move on. He never told me that my nightmares are unjustified or said that I’m a freak. He’s been the most understand, comforting human being on the planet. He’s my best friend, I can’t imagine life without my brother.

“I love you, Elle.”

“Yeah, love you too, Ry-ry.”

Then the line went dead and I tucked myself back into myself, waiting for him.