Perfection
An Epiphany
Tama remembered witnessing a Public Punishment. She was about ten-years-old at the time. Someone had eaten more than what he was rationed. He was flogged before the entire community. No one said a word. No one cried or muttered or sighed. Silence had swallowed the crowd that day.
She had only wished that this time, her time would be different. Instead, she watched her mother being pushed and dragged away, hearing her scream the entire time. The sound broke her heart into pieces so razor-sharp you'd think that those shards would kill you alone. Tama knew her shattered heart would not be the only poison she had to deal with right when the clubs pummeled her frail body.
She was hauled to her feet where she saw the faces of the crowd around her. Only minutes ago, they had love for her. They wanted to protect her; to defend her. Now, she only saw distorted figures, all mean. All nasty faces shriveling up into expressions of pure hatred. To them, she killed someone that they all admired. But to her, the people whom she came to call her own accused her of murdering someone she loved. It was madness.
The stinging sounds of fabric ripping apart shook in Tama's ears. First her shoulder felt cold. Then her leg. Then her arm. They were taking away her clothes; her final shred of respect disappearing before her and being tossed into the crowd where people cheered. She wanted to cry but she didn't have the strength. She wanted to hit someone but didn't have the heart.
With bear arms, shoulders, and knees, Tama was being pushed into the crowd where people yelled sinister threats to her. A blindfold came before her eyes and the whole world turned black for her, but she was still alive. Why won't they just end it? She pleaded inside. All sense of direction was lost. People were shoving her away, grabbing her, tossing her in every direction. They spun her until she became so disoriented that she fell down.
At this point, Tama had already lost. She felt it in the deepest pit of her soul. She lost this battle, the most important battle. Tears for her defeat did not come. Exhaustion and an unwillingness to move overtook her so she just laid there.
She just laid there.
There was a distinctive silence. All Tama heard was the shaky breathing of her own lungs. She didn't question the silence. She felt that if she did, it would run off into the deepest circle of Hell, never to return back to her. There were some murmurings then finally Tama felt a foot by her back, kicking her a little. Just to see if she was alive. They thought her to be dead, until she rolled over onto her back.
Her stillness and complete. . . acceptance of the beatings, the humiliation, everything had caused her tormentors to believe she had died or at least passed out.
Tama removed the blindfold, slowly, so that it only hung around her neck. She took two more breaths and looked at everyone around her. These people. My people she wondered in her mind. But were they? These people who had so willingly left her for dead. Were they hers anymore? Or did they belong to Aria now?
People were shifting in their places. They looked uncomfortable. Tama had wished that she could feel satisfied that they were finally beginning to realize what they put her through; to wake up from whatever hysteric dream they were having and stop. Yet, she believed neither. She knew what would happen next, regardless of the crowd in front of her.
One tiny sound emitting from her right made Tama shift her head slowly. There, right next to her, she saw a little boy, no more than six. His little fingers touching his mouth, worried. Scared. Sad. Devastated, even. He let a tear fall from his eye and, right at that moment, something in Tama changed. She still felt miserable physically but not everything seemed as bleak as before.
She may have every man and woman here on her side, ready to kill me. Tama thought, thinking of Aria. Pain stabbed her stomach as she rolled herself up into a sitting position and pushed herself up. She staggered, but stood still.
But, Tama knew, walking carefully back to a shocked Elizabeth, I've got one kid on my side. And that's all I need.
She had only wished that this time, her time would be different. Instead, she watched her mother being pushed and dragged away, hearing her scream the entire time. The sound broke her heart into pieces so razor-sharp you'd think that those shards would kill you alone. Tama knew her shattered heart would not be the only poison she had to deal with right when the clubs pummeled her frail body.
She was hauled to her feet where she saw the faces of the crowd around her. Only minutes ago, they had love for her. They wanted to protect her; to defend her. Now, she only saw distorted figures, all mean. All nasty faces shriveling up into expressions of pure hatred. To them, she killed someone that they all admired. But to her, the people whom she came to call her own accused her of murdering someone she loved. It was madness.
The stinging sounds of fabric ripping apart shook in Tama's ears. First her shoulder felt cold. Then her leg. Then her arm. They were taking away her clothes; her final shred of respect disappearing before her and being tossed into the crowd where people cheered. She wanted to cry but she didn't have the strength. She wanted to hit someone but didn't have the heart.
With bear arms, shoulders, and knees, Tama was being pushed into the crowd where people yelled sinister threats to her. A blindfold came before her eyes and the whole world turned black for her, but she was still alive. Why won't they just end it? She pleaded inside. All sense of direction was lost. People were shoving her away, grabbing her, tossing her in every direction. They spun her until she became so disoriented that she fell down.
At this point, Tama had already lost. She felt it in the deepest pit of her soul. She lost this battle, the most important battle. Tears for her defeat did not come. Exhaustion and an unwillingness to move overtook her so she just laid there.
She just laid there.
There was a distinctive silence. All Tama heard was the shaky breathing of her own lungs. She didn't question the silence. She felt that if she did, it would run off into the deepest circle of Hell, never to return back to her. There were some murmurings then finally Tama felt a foot by her back, kicking her a little. Just to see if she was alive. They thought her to be dead, until she rolled over onto her back.
Her stillness and complete. . . acceptance of the beatings, the humiliation, everything had caused her tormentors to believe she had died or at least passed out.
Tama removed the blindfold, slowly, so that it only hung around her neck. She took two more breaths and looked at everyone around her. These people. My people she wondered in her mind. But were they? These people who had so willingly left her for dead. Were they hers anymore? Or did they belong to Aria now?
People were shifting in their places. They looked uncomfortable. Tama had wished that she could feel satisfied that they were finally beginning to realize what they put her through; to wake up from whatever hysteric dream they were having and stop. Yet, she believed neither. She knew what would happen next, regardless of the crowd in front of her.
One tiny sound emitting from her right made Tama shift her head slowly. There, right next to her, she saw a little boy, no more than six. His little fingers touching his mouth, worried. Scared. Sad. Devastated, even. He let a tear fall from his eye and, right at that moment, something in Tama changed. She still felt miserable physically but not everything seemed as bleak as before.
She may have every man and woman here on her side, ready to kill me. Tama thought, thinking of Aria. Pain stabbed her stomach as she rolled herself up into a sitting position and pushed herself up. She staggered, but stood still.
But, Tama knew, walking carefully back to a shocked Elizabeth, I've got one kid on my side. And that's all I need.