O St. Riley's Struggle

She’s alone now, with Rory’s untimely accident, and her friends having left her with nothing more than a broken, betrayed, and metaphorically bleeding heart. Her face shows none of the emotions the seventeen year old is hiding; she’s learned to exercise the utmost level self-discipline, a painstaking level of self control which takes every fiber of her being to uphold day to day.

O St. Riley what is wrong…is there something you are hiding?

Her mother had died when Riley was but a toddler. She knew Rory had been the best brother she could’ve ever asked for; actually he’d been more of a father since she’d grown up without one. But now he was gone as well, the great fire had seen to that.
She resented that day more than any other in her life, more-so even then when James had broken up with her. But her memories of her ex-boyfriend were gone as well, literally going up in smoke while the fire smoldered away, she no-more but a helpless bystander who knew better than to try and save her identity, for if she had, she would’ve found it was futile in trying. But now her world was falling apart.

Can I help or lead a hand, ‘cause I know your world is changing

Riley had always been a good girl, doing what she was told. Always! But the world must’ve seen her as perfect, and as every human child has (by the age of ten) figured out nobody’s ever meant to be that way, Mother Nature decided to mess with her.
But she wasn’t truly alone. Riley suffered from multiple personality disorder, something that had become her mind-cloud’s silver lining. Her second personality was called O St. Riley, and the unruly saint had a penchant for destruction.

O St. Riley was born from the demons of my mind and the reminders of my heart
There’s nothing I can do

That’s where the friends came in. When Riley was Riley, they meant everything to her, oh how she’d do anything to keep them happy, keep them at least talking to her! But when O St. Riley took over, it was no-holds-barred. The Saint many a times waged open war on those her counterpart had worked so hard to open up to. Once or twice, Riley would find herself locked out of a friend’s house due to what her ego had done, equally as confused as the person not willingly ready to believe she was two different people.

I can bring you back home, to the place where you belong

Her only friend during this time had been James, who often ended up inviting her to his place as she had been locked out of not just her friend’s houses, but even her own home by her brother.

I see you put your make-up on so seriously to blend in with the shadows of your mind

James was the one Riley thought she could trust, could be her star on a moonless night. How many times had she let James watch her put make up on? In his bathroom, wearing his shirts, his jeans baggy on her even when she wore a belt? She laughed, remembering how he’d said she’d actually been ‘pretty’. Pretty disastrous, that’s what she was. The regular Riley could’ve never prepared herself enough for what her ego was going to do, no matter how much she exercised that level of self control.

O St. Riley was born from the demons of my mind and the reminders of my heart
There’s nothing I can do

That night, the night she returned to James’, to grab her stuff, she’d asked if they could go to her place. He agreed, and they were soon sitting in her living room, Rory asleep upstairs in his room. James went off to sleep in Riley’s room, and she’d mentioned she’d be right up. As the night passed, minute by minute ticking by, Riley knew the end was near. O St. Riley was going to end what the other had known, and cherished.

Now everything’s clear in your mind, you have two different sides

O St. Riley smiled to herself devilishly as she mixed anything she could grab. Alcohol, Vaseline, bottles of air fresheners, anything that would be easily to light on fire, actually. She headed into the basement, grabbing the gas can by her brother’s lawnmower. She poured it down the stairs, and around her, being extremely careful to not get any on herself. She looked at the pictures of her once happy family, the three of them, her mother, Rory and herself, at the beach one summer. Another at Christmas time, still more at Halloween. Blinking away tears that finally seemed to come of their own will, she drops the can. Riley’s back. She sneaks upstairs to check on her brother, who’s fast asleep, snoring loudly. She hesitates to check in with James, but does so anyway.

One that hides and one that runs, one’s got a heart, the other’s got a gun

“James…I should’ve told you this earlier…my other personality…she’s getting stronger.” The eighteen year old sighs, his arms wrapping around her, making the confused girl feel for the first time in her life, valued and secure.

“Oh, Riley, don’t worry. It’ll be easy to control. Just a few pills and she’ll…”

“NO! I’m not leaving! I’m staying right here!!” The Saint yells, breaking out of the tender embrace. The look on James’ face is one of not shock, disbelief, but one of understanding. He nods as she runs out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Deep in his heart, he knows it would never have worked.

O St. Riley was born from the demons of my mind and the reminders of my heart

The unholy Saint laughs manically as she digs through the candle closet, finally finding what she’s looking for. Matches and a lighter. She smiles evilly, going to the front door. Lighting a match, she says a short pray before dropping it. Instantly the trial she’s created is ablaze, the flickering light reflecting in her eyes like the flames of hell itself.
She hears James calling for her, but she’s too consumed with watching the flames spread. Soon all her memories will be gone, and she can start over. For good.

There’s nothing I can do

Waking up the night morning, outside on the curb, Riley hears sirens. Have they destroyed her dream? No. The house stands no more, reduced to shambles and assorted piles of ash. But where are James and Rory? As Riley begins to panic, she runs to what is the first sign of hope…the ambulance. Inside are her brother and boyfriend, who upon seeing her turn away. They’re alive but won’t acknowledge her presence. That’s when Riley finally realizes what she’s become.

“It’s her.” She whispers, almost inaudible to anyone but the two men. They nod, just as an officer comes to talk to Riley. She lies that the fire was started by a home appliance, and that she tried to save everyone, hoping O St. Riley won’t say anything. The officer informs her she did a good job, although shoving them out the second story window into the neighbor’s garden wasn’t the best idea. She also explains that the bucket with the flammable solution had been her trying to scrub the floor squeaky clean, not realizing what she was using. The officer believed her, and when he walked off, she leaned between her boyfriend and brother, and O St. Riley whispered, “Say anything…” and the men knew to keep quiet.

Just wish I could find the way through,

As O St. Riley walked off into the sunlight, strangely happy yet as upset as could be, plotting just how she’d start over once she finally got rid of all the remainders of her old life, Riley realized that her memories had even been a lie. James hadn’t broken up with her; she’d tried to kill him! Rory’s roofing accident hadn’t been an accident at all; she’d tried to kill him as well. But she’d done it to protect him from O St. Riley. But if she would’ve really killed him trying, she realized, she was no better than the one she was trying to protect him from. Riley was O St. Riley. They were one, and it would end that way, the destructive Saint’s antics always being kept quiet by the regular Riley’s stern social policy. But still odd happenings would occur around the girl, wherever she went.

And find my way back to the start.”