Nerds Get the Guys

"So ryan you and brendon are doing well correct?" I nod sinking into the chair this feels like an intervention, but for what i'll never get the fucking clue i guess. "Well i think you two need each other, he needs you as much as you need him. So no more running or hurting each other got it?" I nod but seriously i'm not a god damn child, walking out of the office i expect brendon to be there like he usually is but he's not...

"Cam have you seen brendon?" She shakes her head god i hate secretaries, she's been here a week and knows my routine it's down right creepy.I walk back to my dorm and spencer's inside, "umm spen have you seen brendon?" He looks up from his lap, "Yeah he took off... He left a note said he loved you but he had to leave," I feel a tinge in my heart as if it's sinking back into the black abyss."Wh-why?!?!?" He sighs "all the note reads is he loves you but he's leaving you," "WHAT!?!? I thought everything was fine!!"

I can feel myself crying and i wipe the tears away angrily , my glasses are fogging and i hate my life right now."Ryan are you gonna be okay?" "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I"M GONNA BE OKAY FOR FUCK SAKES?!?!" I screech slamming myself to the wall, "he's just scared maybe.." " NO! scared is when his mother hit me with her car, scared is fucking loosing me because of my fucking sister... scared is when i was tied to a fucking table screaming for the entire student body to stop carving things into my body! Fuck that scared is letting him in.."

And that's what i was right there and then scared....

Three months pass*^*^*^

"Fear is something that grips you, it grabs a hold of you and won't let go until your huddled in your mothers arms. But what about the fear in those of us who can't get swaddled in our mother's breasts , those of us who aren't safe from anything aren't protected from anything. Those of us who don't have a vault to crawl into to be safe from the monsters and such..." Fuck i can see them all staring but i continue, mr. beckett thought it would be good for me to do this sorta thing, keep me occupied. But i know he just has me do it so i don't off myself.

Fuck if i could do it right here right now, peel my skin off and fasten it into a noose. Or take a giant vice grip and squeeze myself in it until my organs fucking burst from my body , i'd do it right now. But i can't so i just push my glasses up and finish my speech, when it ends there's applause; it still doesn't numb the pain. Nothing does anymore, i'll cut and cut;bleed and bleed until i start to feel slightly dizzy. Drinking won't numb it, and i refuse to do drugs nothing makes me smile anymore.

The girls all try to comfort me telling me there will and are others, but they don't fucking know that he was and forever will be the only one."Ry cheer up muffin it'll be fine..." Claudia one of my newly acquired friends always says , her hair that's never one style or one color for so long keeps my attention on her. "Ryan you need to know he's no good if he keeps hurtin' a sweet little thing like you," her little buddy coos from beside me. "Ry he doesn't deserve you," kay pipes in her long blond hair something i envy.

"You girls are great but he was my fucking world... My prince i guess," the all awe and after a little while of gossip and ice cream they leave. My face is still frozen in constant little girl pout mode, fuck why did he have to do it? There's a knock at my door and as soon as i open it i slam it shut, "Fuck off jon what the hell do you want?" He hadn't been around since brendon left me, spencer is my only male friend as far as i'm concerned.

"To talk, brendon sent me please don't shoot the messenger," I growl " if he wants to talk to me he needs to be a fucking man and grow a pair, fuck him and fuck you too you both abandoned me so just go away..." But he didn't and right now i just wanna cry...