Falling Into Black

“And may I ask, Miss Scott, how your hand came to be like this?” Madame Pomfrey asked as she pulled the multiple glass shards out of her knuckles. Katie winced a bit in pain.

“I punched a mirror” she admitted, voice low. Madame Pomfrey paused, raising an eyebrow at the girl. For as long as she had known Katie, she had never been a violent person. So the fact that she had punched a mirror was surprising.

“Why would you do that?” Madame Pomfrey asked. Katie shrugged.

“I was angry” she replied.

“May I inquire as to why?” Pomfrey prompted, wrapping Katie’s hand.

“Because boys are pompous jerks” Katie replied bitterly. “Thank you, Madame Pomfrey” she then said, hopping off of the bed.

“You’re welcome, Katie” the nurse sighed, before watching the normally sweet girl walk from the Hospital Wing, head down and hands shoved in her pocket. She then stood up, and swept aside the curtain, revealing Remus, who was obviously still recovering from last night’s transformation. “How are you feeling, Mr. Lupin?”

“Fine” he muttered, staring at the door. “May I leave now?”

“No” Madame Pomfrey said sharply, picking up another potion. Remus sighed.

- - - - - - - - -

“You wish to take the extra O.W.L.s early?” Professor Dumbledore asked, looking stunned. Katie nodded. “May I ask why?”

“I just want to get them over with, sir” Katie answered politely. “And I’d also like to go home early.” Albus frowned slightly. This girl was not the same happy blonde she had been. She’d changed. Her eyes held none of the same warmth as they used to. They just looked blank. Her face was also completely expressionless.

“Very well. You may take them all tomorrow if you wish” he offered. “With Professor Humphrey at noon.” Katie nodded.

“Thank you, sir” she said shortly, standing to leave.

“Katie” he called her back. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, but couldn’t make herself look back. She couldn’t bare to look into his kind blue eyes. “Sometimes, when one is in love, being hurt by the object of that love is so unbearable that one pulls away from everything. Even away from their own heart.”

Katie swallowed hard, but said nothing. Silently, she opened the door and walked out, softly shutting it behind her. She couldn’t help but think about what he said. What if I’m overreacting?

You’re not overreacting, the tiny voice said. He hurt you. And what happens when you’re hurt by someone?

I pull away from the thing that hurt me. Katie sighed.

Exactly. Now shut up and go find Natalie. Tell her about the arrangement.

- - - - - - - - -

“You’re what?!” Natalie shouted once Katie finished explaining. “You can’t leave early! What about the end of the year party?! We always go to it! And what about the end of the year prank? That’s tradition!” Katie sighed, looking at her hands in her lap.

“I’m sorry, Nat. But I can’t do it this year. I just need some time to...think” Katie murmured. Natalie sighed loudly, falling forward to smash her face into her pillow.

“It’s because of Sirius, isn’t it?” came the muffled question. Pain stabbed at her heart at the mention of his name.

“Yes” Katie answered softly.

“Because he didn’t recognize that, that Gena chick wasn’t you” Natalie continued.

“Yes” Katie said again. Natalie sat up.

“You can’t avoid him forever, Kitty” she said gently. “And it’s killing both of you because you are. Why don’t you just hear him out?”

“It hurt, Nat. Seeing him with her hurt. All of you talk like he loves me” Katie said, eyes glue to her fingers. “But if he really loved me, then he would be able to tell that, that wasn’t me. A man in love should be able to tell even the most subtle changes in his woman’s appearance or attitude.”

“Well” Natalie started, taking her friend’s hand. “Guys are usually pretty clueless when it come to feelings. And you forget that Sirius isn’t exactly a man yet. Not until...” Natalie paused, pretending to think.

“April 8th” Katie finished.

“You still love him Katie” Natalie stated, grinning. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have remembered.”

“Yes, I love him, Natalie” Katie snapped, glaring at the brunette. “But it hurts to love him. Why? I honestly don’t know. But every time I’m around him, my heart hurts. I can never breathe when I’m around him. I fall, and I’m afraid he won’t catch me.”

“That’s all part of love, hun” Natalie said gently. “Love has a very strange way of working. It can be beautiful, like walking on a rainbow. Or it can be painful, like you’re walking on very thin ice barefoot. But you walk anyway with the knowledge that if you trip, you can fall right off of that rainbow, or that if you step on the wrong spot, you’ll fall right through the ice into the icy water below. But you have to trust that he’ll be there to catch you, or dive in after you. Faith is key, Katie. You have to have faith in him for him to catch you when you fall.”

Katie stared at her friend for a moment, absorbing what she said. Finally, she opened her mouth and said, “That if one of the wisest thing I have ever heard you say.” Natalie laughed loudly, and soon Katie was laughing too.