To Fathom

Kai stands there, in the middle of Inner Harbor, gazing over at Haagen Dasz, probably wondering if he should buy something or not. I’m supposed to meet him here. And I did.

I begin to walk over to him, slowly, so my skirt won’t rise up to high on my thighs. I spent an hour picking this outfit, but it’s not like I like him or anything. I just felt like being pretty today. Yeah, I just felt like being pretty today, that’s it.

I’m about a few yards away from him, but then a girl with light tan skin and dark brown hair brushes past me, running up to Kai with open arms. He looks at her and smiles, and lightly hugs her back.

She turns around slightly, and I see who it is. It’s Katya. Somehow she heard that Kai and I were getting together here to do my half of the assignment, and she just went and followed us. I can tell that it’s what happened.

She lifts one of his blond hairs from his ear, and presses her body so tight against his. Katya whispers delicately in his ear, but I turn around so I don’t see his reaction.

No way would Kai like a girl like me. Maybe last night was just a coincidence, and I didn’t really see anything.

Poor girl. An innocent bystander thinks.

I am a poor girl. I’m a stupid girl, too.



Ron catches up to me while walking to school. His dyed bronze hair and artificial blond highlights sparkles in the sun that it’s almost blinding. I hope she notices my new hairdo. He thinks.

He saddles up to me and grabs the icecream cone out of my hand. “I thought you’re trying to lose weight! This is not the right way to go!” He says, throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. I don’t say anything back, but grab the side of my backpack.

“So… how was your little get-together with Kai?” He says. I accidentally step on the icecream cone. I grimace and wipe my foot on the grass. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I mumble.

She’s hiding something. Ron thinks. Sarah passes me by, and I get an image of her spectacle in Counseling class a few days ago. She looks at me with deep revulsion, but I brush it off. Sarah isn’t someone to moon about. She’s got too big of a nose, huge eyes, and really small lips. Her only nice asset is her hair, which is soft and a really nice natural blonde color. Brian, the sophomore with disgusting acne and green-rimmed glasses comes lazily following her, thinking Why did she have to be my partner? Why did she have to be my partner

I smile but Ron grabs my arm and spins me around. “I know you’re hiding something, J. Please tell me what it is; I’m your best friend!” Ron says, clutching his bag. I look at his lovely eyes and grin. I’m only trying to make things better. He thinks. “Nothing happened, Ron. Kai and I… we’re just different.” I say. Katya brushes by and shoves me hard. “Was that a fat arm or just horrible vision?” I call out. She turns around and I see Jilli looking at Ron. “Kai told me that you didn’t show up on Sunday, so we just spent the whole day with each other instead. Some guy thought that we were a couple so he took a picture and sent it to a magazine. So, it was great that you didn’t show up. If you didn’t, Kai and I wouldn’t have had such a great day.” She says. Katya flips her hair and starts walking, Jilli trailing after her.

My heart pounds in and out. What is her deal? Ron thinks, looking at Jilli. He skims his eyes over to Katya, who’s whispering in a guy’s ear. I look up at Ron, and he’s still looking at Katya. I start walking away, but he grabs my arm again. He looks hurt for some reason.

“Please. Tell me what’s wrong.” He mumbles. I shake my head. “Later, Ron.” I don’t say anything to him after that. I run off to my locker, and I wipe off a tear that’s forming on the brim of my eyes.

I put all my stuff in my locker and close it. I’m about to walk off to AP Geography before Donovan grabs my arm and brings me right outside the bathroom. His eyes look sad and it seems like something has been bothering him. “What happened yesterday? Kai was ranting on and on about how you stood him up!” He says. Is she OK? He thinks.

“Donovan it’s not of your business! Now will you please leave me alone?” I say. Walking away, I clumsily bump into Marek and send us flying in both directions. We both hit our head on the hard white floor.

“OW! What the fuck, Jania?” He says. How is she so damn clumsy? He thinks. Donovan catches up to me and helps me up. I accidentally stumble down again. “Easy there. Easy there.” He says. Marek gathers up his stuff and glares at me once I pass him by. I shove him forcefully and he thinks, Bitch.

I get a drink of water with Donovan standing by my side. “What happened with you and Marek? Why does he hate you so much?” This girl has real problems. He thinks. I can’t take it anymore. “HE FUCKED MY SISTER, OK?” I slap him across the face, leaving Donovan with a bewildered but cute expression on his face. “Like, OW!” He shouts at me.

I don’t say anything but instead just stand there with a perfectly smug look on my face. Donovan faces back to me, but instead of glaring at me, he smirks at me and rubs his cheek. “Nice hand, Wilson.” He says. Wow. She’s got guts. Now that’s hot.

I nod. “Well now you know why Marek hates me so much. He was my first love and he banged my sister. My sister, Kiera, was dating his older brother. I told his family, and now we don’t speak.”

Donovan smiles slightly and then abruptly touches my shoulder. “Listen. I’ve got to get to class. I’m not really used to skipping, and if my teacher finds out, then I’m dead.” He says. I laugh and say goodbye. Donovan prances down the hall and as soon as he steps inside the classroom, the late bell rings.

Rolling my eyes, I gather all of my stuff and whisk out the front door, turning the corner to go to the back of the school. I set my stuff down and pull a cigarette out of my pocket. I light it up quickly, hoping no one will notice, but someone bumps into me from behind, making the cigarette fall to the ground. “What the hell was that for?” I yell, turning around.

I can’t breathe. Standing right in front of me is Kai Miller himself. He has an angry expression on his face, and his nostrils are flaring. He steps on the cigarette repeatedly, putting out the fire. Goddamnit Jania. You don’t have to do this shit. He thinks.

I put my hands on my hips. “What the fuck are you doing here, Kai? I thought you never skip class!” I say. He sets his binder down too, next to mine and stands in front of me. He’s so tall, that I’m only up to his nose.

“WHY DID YOU JUST STAND ME UP YESTERDAY?! I WAS WAITING THERE FOR A FUCKING LONG TIME!” He screams. I clasp a hand over his mouth and put a finger to my lips. “Why do you care? Didn’t you have an awesome time with Katya?” I take my hand off of his mouth and wipe it on my shirt. I don’t hear his thoughts at all. He’s not thinking anything and that surprises me.

“Um, well, actually, I, like, I…” He mumbles, scratching the back of his neck. “You what?” I bitterly spit out. His arm falls from his neck and he stares at me for a few seconds. “I…I just want to get our project finished, you know? For school?” Kai gulps. His blue eyes look highlighted more than ever since the sun is shining behind him, making him look like a God.

“It’s not even for a grade.” I mumble, looking at the ground. I’m not usually this mean except it hurt me when he seemed happier to see Katya instead of me. “Well, still. Jania, I always want to finish whatever I start.”

I roll me eyes and take out another cigarette. Kai snatches it from my hand and rips it apart, letting it fall to the ground. “You don’t need to smoke, just because Marek dumped you.” He mumbles. “HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MAREK?” I scream. This time, he puts his hand over my mouth and moves closer. “Oh come on. Everyone knows how he fucked your older sister, and how you took up smoking right after he dumped you. It’s no secret.” He whispers.

I feel like I am about to cry. My stomach feels funny and I can’t breathe. “I…I was just so in love with him!” I yell. I’m being really corny right now and any other random person would think that, but Kai isn’t thinking anything at all. He’s just looking at me, trying to figure me out.

He pulls me in for a hug while I bury my face in his chest, trying not to cry. One of Kai’s arms is wrapped around my waist while the other is positioned in the middle of my back. “Shh… Don’t cry.” He hums, almost rocking me back and forth.

“Am I interrupting something here?” I hear a voice call out. I immediately pull away and come see Katya with a big fake smile on her face. “No. Nothing.” I mumble. Kai doesn’t say anything either. He just stares at the ground.

“Well, I’m going to go.” Katya says. Kai smiles at her and says “I’ll meet up with you later.” Katya seems excited by this and I suddenly get an image of them making out. My heart crumbles into a million pieces.

Once Katya is out of sight, Kai grins at me. I glare at him. “I have to go.” I whisper, picking up my stuff and taking yet another cigarette out of my pocket. “Jania…” He murmurs, trying to reach for it. I jerk away and scowl. “Don’t tell me what to do.” I say, almost running away.

His mind is in complete shock and he doesn’t understand what’s happening. I star to run away from him and shove my stuff behind a bush so that I can pick it up later.

With each step I take, I’m hoping that Kai will run after me or shout my name, but no. He doesn’t. I can’t help but think that I’m such an idiot for even thinking that he was my friend.

Here comes Jania. Bitch. Someone thinks.