To Fathom

I pull out my keys and struggle to fit them into the door handle. Just after the little incident with Kai behind the school, I decided to retrieve my stuff and skip the rest of the day after 3rd period.

I finally open the door and welcome myself into the living room. Mom and dad are probably at work and Tarou and Kiera are probably in Fells Point or Inner Harbor, remembering the city that they grew up in.

I take a baguette off the counter and slice it in two huge pieces. I take the bigger half and cut it into little tiny parts, and try to fit everything in the toaster oven.

“AAAHHH!” I hear someone scream. I quickly turn around and Kiera stands there, gripping her chest in shock. I roll my eyes, put down the knife, and shove the bread out of the toaster oven and into a big bowl.

“Gosh Jan, you really scared me! Why aren’t you at school?” She asks, walking towards me. She’s wearing a white cardigan, a pink flowy t-shirt with denim capris and ballet flats. She looks like a try-hard teenager and I’m pretty sure that those capris are mine.

I don’t answer her and instead whiz past her and climb up the stairs, bread in hand. I go into my room and close the door, praying that Kiera won’t want to bother me again and just leave me alone.

Wrong. As soon as my door slams, it reopens again and I see her shining teeth that reflect against the light, blinding me. “Why are you here?” I snap. She looks unfazed by it and just smiles wider. I’m sitting on my bed while Kiera comes over and sits in a computer chair. “Tarou called up some friends and they’re driving to Ocean City. Mom and dad are at work. I wanted to be here when you got home.”

I scowl and put the bread on my bedside table. “Well? I’m home! So what?” I say. Why is she being so mean? She thinks. Kiera lightly shrugs and tries to take a piece of bread. I take the bowl away from her and she laughs.

I don’t laugh at all. I think that it’s stupid that she’s trying to reach out to me after what she did to me. “I was thinking that maybe we could get some coffee or something. Talk, like sisters.”

I can tell that she’s struggling to find the right words to say without trying to scare me off. Right now, her mind is set on one thing and one thing only. To get me to be her friend.

“And then maybe after that we can paint each other’s nails? And braid our hair? And watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?” I say sarcastically.

Kiera looks defeated and I know that I’ve done my job. Why does she hate me so much? She questions. Isn’t it obvious? I think. You had sex with my boyfriend!

I toss the bread on the floor and quickly stand up. I glance back again at the baguette and scowl. I’ll have to clean that up later. “Do you want to know something, Kirby? Do you really want to?” I say in the nicest way I possibly can. Kiera’s thoughts brighten and so does her smile. She likes it that I’m using her old nickname, “Kirby.”

She nods brightly. “17 years ago, a girl named Jania Wilson was born. She had a perfect mother, a perfect father, and two perfect older siblings who were the definition of models.” I look over at Kiera who’s still smiling brightly. I like where this is going! She thinks. “But Jania was far from perfect. She was always the odd one out in the group.

While her family was gathered around the dinner table, eating smoked ham and baked beans, she was locked up in her room by her mother because she skipped school. Her older siblings, Tarou and Kiera, never skipped school. They were good little children. Very good children.”

“Some other days, while the rest of little Jania’s family were clothes shopping, Jania still felt insecure. While Tarou and Kiera fit into everything perfectly, she was always told that her cheekbones were too sharp, or her arms were too skinny, or her legs looked like a chicken’s, or her eyes were too mucky.” I look at Kiera again. She isn’t saying anything. She’s about to cry but I refuse to read her thoughts.

“And then, Jania hit highschool. She despised highschool. Everyone hated her because she was different from the others. She had a huge crush on a boy named Kai, who was good at everything. But how could Jania get Kai? There wasn’t any way. Kai was perfect, absolutely perfect, and Jania doesn’t jive with perfect people. She isn’t perfect at all.”

“But then, oh, thank the Lord! Jania met a boy! He was a nice boy. A smart boy. A handsome boy. She was just right for Jania. He made her feel absolutely gorgeous. He made her feel beautiful. He gave her little notes. He gave her little cards. He sang to her, even if he couldn’t hit all the notes. He stroked her cheek. He loved her. He made her feel perfect. His name was Marek.”

“Oh my god…” Kiera mumbles. She thinks that she’s too numb to get out of her chair. A tear streams down her perfect, tanned, porcelain cheek. I don’t go over there.

“Do you want to know what happens in the story, Kiera?” I say. Kiera shakes her head and tries to get up. She can’t at all. “No-please, no, this isn’t fair-”

“WELL LIFE ISN’T FUCKING FAIR!” I shout. I can’t control my anger. Jania, please stop this. She thinks.

“One night, Jania’s siblings came back home for a week from modeling business. Jania was so excited to see them! She wanted to show her lovely older brother Tarou and her lovely older sister Kiera how awesome Marek was. She couldn’t wait! She introduced Marek to her whole entire family and they absolutely adored him! But then, something happened. Late at night, Jania woke up. She got a drink of water from downstairs and came back up; she saw her sister’s door opened slightly. She went up to the door to close it, but instead she saw…” My voice trails away for a few seconds before I regain my posture.

“She saw her perfect older sister, naked, in the same bed with her boyfriend, also naked. She screamed. She yelped. They told her to be quiet, but she couldn’t. Jania ran out of the house and hitched a bus to Inner Harbor.”

“Staring out at the Chesapeake Bay, thinking about why her sister and boyfriend would do this to her, she felt someone tap the side of her shoulder. She looked behind her and saw no one other than Kai, who helped her up and took her to a Starbuck’s. They ate muffins and drank coffee, while Kai blabbed about his day because Jania refused to do any talking. He explained that he was there because he had just gotten a new stepbrother named Donovan and he needed to think about things. He drove her home and smiled at her. ‘I’m Jania.’ She finally said. Kai chuckled and threw his head back. ‘I know.’ He said.”

“And you know what the worst part was? When she came home, her parents didn’t blame Kiera at all! They blamed JANIA! They told her that Marek wasn’t a good boy anyway and she shouldn’t have even met him. They told Kiera that it was OK while she cried because she betrayed her sister. They sent her up to her room while they made Kiera soup. Jania sat alone in her room, before Tarou came and cheered her up. Just like a big brother should.”

The silence is unbearable. I-I didn’t know. She thinks. My eyes start getting watery too. I thought that she was supposed to be my sister. “I am so sorry Jania.” She mumbles, not even daring to look at me. I scoff.

“But everything is backwards. Because my parents don’t really care about me. They care about you. And if Tarou really did love me, they he would be here right now, making sure I wasn’t alone with you. Did you know that? Well, I’m sure you didn’t Kiera. Because you don’t know anything.”

I pick up my bread; throw it in the trash, walk out of my room, and walk out of my house. I head for the only place I know that’s safe. Ron’s house.