Ex-Friends Till The End, Better Off As Lovers.

“Ryan seriously. You've hardly left your place for anything other then band practice in weeks. You're beginning to depress me. Whats with you lately?” Jon scolded standing over me while I sat on the couch, trying to read a book.

“Nothing's wrong with me.” I sighed. “I just want to read.” I stated.

“Seriously Ryan, we've hardly even spoke in the last few weeks. Something's up.” he said. I rolled my eyes. Nothing's wrong. He's just being a drama queen. “It's times like this that make me start to miss the old days.” Jon mumbled.

“The old days?” I questioned. He nodded.

“Yeah, back when we were young and energetic. When we had the crazy costumes, and we really didn't care about anything except for having fun.” He continued. “We were all so much happier back then.”

“Well if you miss it so much, then why don't you just go back?” I spit. He sighed.

“This is what I mean Ryan. You've turned into a cocky ass-hole. At least that's how you've been acting lately. Just admit it, you miss the old days too.” he said.

I rolled my eyes. He sighed and mumbled something under his breath. My ears heard the word “Brendon.” I looked up at him. “What did you say?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing.” he mumbled. “I'm gonna go now. I'll see you tomorrow at practice.” he said before exiting. I sat there and thought about what he said. I wasn't that bad was I? I guess I haven't really been to social or active lately, but that could just be because... I don't know. There probably isn't a reason. Other then the fact that I must be boring.

Great. I'm boring now. Whatever. Maybe I should call up Nick or something.

No, fuck it. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed.

I made my way to the bathroom, and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. I had tired eyes and a sullen expression. Jon was right. I'm not what I once was. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've grown up is all. I've grown out of the make-up and straight hair, and the skinny jeans and hoodies. Material items don't make happiness. Other people do. I can be happy without those things. So why aren't I? I was about to undress and get in the shower when I spotted something out of the corner of my eye.

Z Left her make-up here again.

I sat there and stared at it for a second. No. I'm not that crazy or bored. Take a shower and go to bed. My brain told me. To bad my hand didn't listen. I reached for the reasonably sized case and unzipped it. I pulled out a simple stick of black eyeliner, just staring at it. Perhaps twiddling it around in my fingers.

I looked back up to my reflection. I was a mess. There was no denying it. I had slipped into a depression. Jon was right. There was something wrong with me. Everything had changed in the last year and a half, and as much as I told myself I loved it, my subconscious knew better. For the first time in so long, I was longing for the artistic make-up, the laughter shared with my fellow band mates, and the comfortable atmosphere I seemed to have forgotten. I longed for the skintight jeans, and the non-serious kisses on the cheek, and meaningful embraces from who used to be my best friend. I miss him and Spencer, but I wish, I wish I could just see him one more time, kiss him one more time. I resented him for the obnoxious stage kisses at the time, but now I miss it. I miss him. I miss the band. I miss me.

I miss me.

I twisted the cap off the eyeliner, and for the first time in years applied a thin line around my eyes. I just continued to build on it, adding eyeshadow, different colored liner, until I had painted a mask over what I thought I wanted to be. I was beginning to recognize myself.

But something was missing.

I reached down and opened the cabinet under the sink,and pulled out Z's old straightener and some old hair gel. I started with the front, straightening my bangs to the side. I had forgotten how easy this was. I continued on with the rest of my hair, until my curls were gone. I then squeezed some gel into my hands. I spiked my hair in the right places, until I was certain that I had stepped into a time machine headed for happier times.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and almost didn't recognize myself. I looked so young. It's have to have been five years since I last paraded around dressed in my own signature look.

“It looks good.”

I jumped at the unexpected voice in the room. I thought I was alone? When I turned around to see who was standing in my door way, my heart skipped a beat and my eyes widened in surprise.

“Brendon?” I questioned. What was he doing here? In my apartment? I don't think I've talked to him, let alone seen him, in months. Now he was standing in my bathroom doorway? “What are you doing here?” I asked, not in a rude way, rather a surprised, caught off guard, way.

He uncrossed his arms, and his expression read slightly embarrassed. “Jon invited me over.” he said. “He told me to just come on in.” he explained.

Jon. God damn it. This was his doing. Some sort of plot of his to “Cheer me up.” The bastard.

“Jon just left.” I mumbled. I was still slightly embarrassed that he had caught me, acting juvenile, masking my feelings with makeup and hair gel.

“Oh. Well, that's weird. I don't know why he would do that. I can leave if you want me too...” he said.

“No, its fine.” I said.

There was an awkward silence.

“It's been a long time since I've seen you like this.” he said. “The make-up and stuff I mean. And not to mention the legendary 'Ry-Hawk'.” he said using air quotes. “I like it.” he said with his goofy grin. “I must say I am surprised though. I wasn't expecting it.” he went on.

I forced a laugh, but wasn't sure what to say.

“You missing the old days too?” he questioned.

I looked down. Is it worth denying it at this point?

“Yeah I guess.” I mumbled not meeting his eye.

He took a step forward. “If you're uncomfortable, I can go...” he said.

No. I didn't want him to go. I haven't seen him in forever, and how often do you simply think about how much you miss someone, and they magically appear? As much as I hate to admit it. I did miss him. So much. I just wouldn't admit it to myself.

“No, no.” I said. “You don't have to go. I'm sorry, I've just been in a bit of a funk lately.” I said.

He smiled and looked down. “Do you mind if I hug you then? It's been to long.” he said. His words brought a small smile to my face as I stepped forward, giving him a well needed friendly hug. I went to pull away, but he continued to hold on. I awkwardly re-wrapped my arms around his waist and stood there for much longer then intended. It was nice. Was this really all that I needed to bring me out of this sour mood I've been in. It really doesn't make much sense.

Eventually he let go with a content smile. He met my eyes, which caused me to give him a small smile in return.

Suddenly I wanted more. I needed his touch again. His embrace. Why was I feeling this way? Things weren't like this way back when? Why is it that I feel so attached now? Is it because the sudden separation caused me to realize how much I really need him in my life?

How utterly cliché.

But just because something is cliché, doesn't mean its false I guess.

There was some sort of tension in the air. It reminded me of how things used to be. Usually after the sexual harassment on stage. Or that one time we came close to kissing.

That's what it was. It wasn't tension, it was magnitude. I was resisting the magnetic pull that was radiating from Brendon. His eyes, his hands, his lips, I wanted them so badly, all of a sudden.

All of a sudden.

Out of nowhere, I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bedroom.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Just go with it.” I said. He didn't respond and just followed me. “Please don't freak out.” I begged. He nodded curiously.

I then gently placed my hand on the side of his face, and brought it closer to mine. I could hear his breathing stop, but he didn't resist. Then slowly, I connected his lips with mine. I began to move them slowly, and he remained frozen for a second, probably in shock. But eventually he began to respond by gently moving his lips against my own. One of his hands was placed on my cheek, while the other rested on my hip. I ran my free hand through his hair, and deepened the kiss. We ended up falling backward onto my bed, him on top of me. The kiss deepened more and more until I was exploring the inside of his mouth. His hands ran up and down my sides until they were tugging at the hem of my shirt. I broke away from the kiss so he could slip it over my head, and throw it to god knows where, and who cares. His shirt son joined mine. My hands ran down his sides until they rested on his ass.

“I knew you always wanted my ass.” he whispered with a smirk. I only responded by pulling him back down, and reconnecting our lips. His lips moved away from my mouth, and traveled down to a place on my neck, where he sucked and nipped, until I was sure there would be a mark. I moaned in pleasure.

Good luck explaining to Z.

His mouth traveled down my neck and across my chest, moving down further and further, until he came to my pants. He looked up at me, as is asking permission. I leaned forward and gave him one more kiss on the lips, before he began attacking the button on my pants. Right as was about to pull them off, I heard an awful sound. One I really didn't want to have to deal with at this moment.

The sound of a door shutting, and Z's heals clanking on the kitchen floor, coming this way. My eyes widened and I sat up.

“Hide!” I yelled. His eyes widened and he jumped up and ran towards the bathroom, grabbing his shirt along the way. I then quickly threw my shirt on, right as she walked in.

“Did I hear someone in here?” she asked as she walked in.

“Um,” I started. “Brendon is here. He's just using the bathroom.” I said.

“Oh really? That was cool of his to stop by. I'm going to go watch T.V. I just wanted to let you know I was here.” She said then exiting the room.

When she left, Brendon reappeared. “I guess I should go.” He said. I glanced down at the floor and nodded. “Um, Bye.” he said awkwardly.

“Wait.” I said. I then pulled him closer and placed a sweet kiss on his lips. “Visit again soon?”