Stand Unafraid, All the Good Souls

Spencer sighed and adjusted his sunglasses. His headaches weren’t as frequent, but he still had them. It’s what lead him back home and to visit his mom. He had so many questions and, until they were answered, he needed a break from work. The team more than understood they were sympathetic and encouraging; something he was grateful for.

He sighed again. As much as he needed answers, he was scared of what he’d find out. All he needed was a few more hours to think about it; some time to sit in his hotel room and figure out how to approach his mom about the subject and where to go from there. As he turned to walk from the doorway, he felt his shoulder bump into something. He pulled off his glasses and squinted at the bright Las Vegas sunlight to see what it was. Next to him was a girl struggling to keep her balance.

“Excuse me,” she smiled politely and brushed her hair out of her face. Spencer couldn’t help but notice how pretty she was, even with the harsh light affecting his sight. He tried not to blush.

“Oh no, it was my fault. I’m sorry.” He slipped his glasses back on and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

She stared at him for a few seconds. Spencer felt insecure, almost like he was a teenager again. Suddenly, her face lit up and she grinned. “You’re Doctor Reid aren’t you?”

“Uh, yeah, ho- h- “ Had he met her before? He didn’t remember her, and he was sure he would.

Her grin grew wider and she giggled, most likely at his inability to form a complete sentence. “My mom and your mom talk. Diana is constantly going on about you. She’s very proud of you, you know.”

Spencer grinned sheepishly and his cheeks turned a deep crimson color. “Y-yeah, I know.” It was true. If there was one thing he was completely positive about, it was how proud his mom was. It wasn’t really his accomplishments, it was that she was proud of the person he was, without the title, without the degrees. She was just a proud mother. “So your mom –“ He wasn’t sure how to phrase the rest of the sentence, but the girl automatically knew what he was trying to ask.

“Yeah, she’s schizophrenic too.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“We just moved here six months ago.” Spencer nodded. It had been awhile since he last got home to visit his mom. He wished he were here just to see her, that he didn’t have another reason to take time out of his schedule to come home. “I’m Melanie, by the way.” She extended her hand. Spencer shook it and realized how tiny she was. She had to have been about a foot shorter and had very petite features. That combined with her light blonde hair made her seem almost ethereal; almost as if she could’ve been another hallucination. “Is everything okay?”

“Ye-yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, as I was approaching the building, I noticed you standing here staring at the door. And you keep pinching the bridge of your nose.” She scrunched her brow, concerned.

Spencer hadn’t even noticed his mannerisms. They had almost become second nature to him at that point. Despite not being as frequent, his headaches were still bothersome and sometimes kept him from his work and other every day activities. “Oh, uh, well, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Why don’t we get some lunch,” she suggested. Something about it didn’t seem like a question, though. Not that he felt unnecessarily obligated, he was happy to go, but it was almost urgent.

“Do you mind driving? I don’t have a car with me.” It embarrassed him to ask, he was a grown man and should be capable of driving, but given his condition, he didn’t feel safe driving. Back home, he rode with other agents; in Vegas, he had been taking cabs.

“Of course not,” she smiled and lead the way to her car. Their drive was a short one, just a couple of blocks, and they parked outside a small diner. “I hope you don’t find it too forward that I asked you to lunch. You just seemed to be stalling,” she confessed when they finally sat down inside.

“No, no. I guess that I was sort of stalling.” Spencer often wondered why there weren’t more female profilers. They certainly seemed more intuitive than men. His mom and Garcia, despite not having the training, always seemed in tune with his feelings, even if he sometimes didn’t realize that he was feeling them. And now, a complete stranger was seeing right through him. “So you moved here sixth months ago?” He wanted to avoid any questions about why he was stalling.

She nodded and began telling him her story. She and her mother were from a small town in Michigan, but it was hard for Melanie to find a good, steady job, and to find proper treatment for her mom, Rose. Mel started looking for better treatment centers in larger cities near her hometown with a good job market, but it seemed like everywhere she looked had one or the other. Or it was just an undesirable area all together. Through her searching, and recommendations from doctors she had contacted online, she found the center in Vegas. It was tough for her to get her mom to agree, and to pack up their lives, but it was the best decision for them. Sometime in the course of her story, they had ordered food and the food was brought to their table.

“It sounds like you went through a lot to get the best for your mom.”

“Yeah, she was always there for me growing up, now it’s my turn to return the favor.”

The next thing he knew, he was spilling his secrets, maybe it was her openness that brought it on. He told her about how he committed his mom at 18, how he always feared he’d end up the same way, all the things that had happened to him on the job over the years and how they affected him, his recent problems with the headaches and hallucinations, and how there was nothing physically wrong with him. He confessed that he wouldn’t accept the possibility when the doctor gave him the news that the problems were psychosomatic. He also confessed that now he had accepted it, but he was terrified.

Melanie listened to him while he talked. She didn’t interject anything, she didn’t stare off into space, she just listened. “It’s understandable to be scared, Spence, but don’t let that fear of the truth stop you from seeking it out.”

“What if something is wrong?”

“Then you come home and get the treatment you need. I know it’s not the ideal situation, but it’s for the best. And I know you’re worried about your career and your team, but you’ll figure something out, you’re smart and educated, you can do anything. Your team will understand too, they only want what’s best for you.”

He knew she was right. He knew the answer all along, but hearing it from someone else, someone he had just met, was different. It made it more real, and it was reassuring. “You have a background in psychology don’t you?”

Melanie chuckled. “No, not formally anyway. I just know the little bit that I know from being around my mom.” The duo finished their food, in almost silence, taking in the conversation, and left. Melanie drove them back to the treatment center.

Spencer sat in the passenger seat, tapping his foot, still nervous. He knew he should just take a deep breath and get it over with.

“Spence, can I ask you something before we go in?” He looked over at her, his eyebrows noticeably furrowed under his Ray Bans. He nodded. “You said before that you were addicted to Dilaudid before, after you were held hostage… you haven’t gone back to that have you?” She scrunched her face in worry, and most likely a little bit of fear of his response the question.

For a moment, Spencer debated lying to her, like he had with his teammates all those years ago when he was hiding the problem. He knew better, though. His teammates never bought his lies, but something told him she wouldn’t accept the lies as easily.
The truth was, after the doctor told him that he was physically fine, he had trouble dealing with it. That combined with his new use of over the counter pain medication to subdue the headaches made him turn to the drug again. He wasn’t proud of it
All he could do was nod. Melanie faced forward, unsure of what to say next.

“Sp-Spence… I know I just met you, but I’m here for you if you need to talk. And I really hope you talk to one of the doctors about your problems and about the drug use.” She turned to face him again and tears were streaming down her face. “I’d hate to see anything happen to you.” Reid’s jaw slightly dropped. He didn’t know what to say or do. How could someone he just met seem so genuinely concerned? “Sorry, I swear I’m not PMSing or anything,” she forced a chuckle, wiped away her tears, and tucked her hair behind her ear. “So, shall we go in?”

Spencer nodded. They both got out of the car and started walking towards the doors. Spencer kept his eyes on his feet, which shuffled along the sidewalk. Melanie grabbed for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Once they reached the door, they stopped. Spencer stared up at it and sighed.

“You can do this.”