Kiss Me Tenderly

My ship went down in a sea of sound...

Alex lay in bed and slowly breathed in, glancing at the clock. It was 11am, and he could hear noises downstairs, the radio blaring out quietly as pots and pans were put away. He knew who it was; of course, it was only his better half, Jack Barakat.

But today was different from any other day. He knew Jack wasn’t really paying attention to what he was doing downstairs, and his suspicions were confirmed as he heard a crash, and several screams of curse words. Chuckling lightly, he pulled himself out of bed, grabbing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, which he quickly shoved on before making his way downstairs.

He found Jack crouched over his foot, moaning quietly, still letting out a few quiet curses. As Alex came over, the younger boy looked up, and his anguished face softened into one more of worry.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” He asked, standing up to meet his boyfriend, who smiled, and shook his head.

“Woke up before I heard the crash. Thought I’d better come check you hadn’t wrecked the entire kitchen and yourself.”

Jack grinned, his worried face easing into a bit more of a relaxed feature.

“Not yet I haven’t, don’t worry.” The younger boy leaned forward, kissing the older gently on the lips. Alex smiled, and kissed him back, trying not to think about what was going to happen later on. Jack, however, was thinking about it, and Alex knew from the way Jack was kissing him. It wasn’t Jack’s full on, violent kiss, but a more tender, fragile one. He was even HOLDING Alex like a fragile glass vase, but Alex didn’t protest.

As they came up for air, Alex moved to go try and kiss Jack again, but Jack leaned back, shaking his head.

“I think it’s time you went and got changed. We need to be there at 1. Better to be ready now. I don’t want us to be late.”

Alex nodded, unsmiling, and made his way upstairs. As he pulled off his clothes and stepped into the shower, switching it on, he thought about Rian and Zack, wondering what they were doing. They hadn’t been told about this, of course. Not until anything was confirmed. They were both probably hanging out together, doing the couply things everyone did.

But Alex and Jack weren’t doing this. Not today.

- - -

By the time Alex was ready, having been getting ready as slowly as possible in an effort to make the time go slower, it was half past twelve, and Jack was waiting by the door, keys in hand. He gave an encouraging smile to Alex as both made their way into Jack’s car. Alex did not return the smile, getting into the passenger seat and buckling his seatbelt, staring out of the windscreen. His partner gave him a worried look, before pulling out of the drive and heading towards their destination.

It wasn’t a long drive, but as Jack drove into the parking lot, looking for a space, Alex wished it was longer. Maybe give him more time to think. But he couldn’t stop time, and as Jack reversed into a parking space, he stared up at the unforgiving building in front of him.
The younger boy noticed, and as he switched the engine off, he sighed, and reached over to take his boyfriend’s hand. He gave it a small squeeze, but Alex didn’t respond.

“It’ll be alright, you know.” Jack tried, but Alex pulled his hand out of Jack’s and opened the door, getting out.

“Yeah well, we’ll see when we get inside, won’t we?” He replied bitterly, slamming the door shut. Jack bit his lip, and quietly got out his side, closing the door and locking the car.

Both slowly made their way into the building, and headed towards the reception desk situated right in front of the main entrance.

“Can I help you?” asked the pleasant receptionist. Alex kind of wanted to punch her, she was all smiles, she shouldn’t be, not in a place like this. But he kept his emotions in tune, and Jack spoke for him.

“Yeah, Alexander Gaskarth.”

The receptionist glanced at her glowing computer, and nodded, pointing to the left.

“If you’d just like to take a seat, please. Someone will be with you soon.”

Jack nodded, thanking the girl, and went to sit down, with Alex slowly trailing after. It was becoming more real by the minute, and Alex was getting more and more scared. He was glad Jack was there, he wouldn’t have been able to control himself had Jack not been there, casually picking up a magazine from the waiting table.

Especially when Jack’s eyes widened in surprise, and as Alex peered over, he almost laughed at what he saw. Jack clearly had not been paying attention in what magazine he’d picked up, for he’d opened it at a page about the pros and cons of breastfeeding.

“Thinking of having a baby, Jack?” Alex smirked, and the darker haired boy looked up, smiling, grateful that Alex had seemingly pulled out of his mood.

“I reckon I’d be awesome at breastfeeding.” He proclaimed cheerfully, and Alex had to laugh at the image of Jack breastfeeding a tiny baby.

“I’m not sure he’d want your disgusting milk, you fucker.” He answered, and ignored all the horrified looks of the families around him. Jack grinned back, and was about to reply when he was interrupted by a new addition to the room.

“Alex Gaskarth, please?” A young man asked, looking expectantly round the waiting room. The subject himself had gone pale, and Jack quickly grabbed his hand. Alex squeezed his hand, and shakily rose his other one.

“T-t-that’s me.” He stuttered, and the man in front nodded, beckoning them to follow him. They both did, and as they made their way down a very long corridor, Jack stole a glance at his boyfriend. Alex seemed positively white, and ready to throw up. He knew how Alex felt, he was feeling the exact same thing, but he wasn’t going to let it show. They were ushered into a room and had the door closed behind them, leaving them both facing a desk littered with files, and a different, older man sat behind it. Looking up, he noticed the two, and beckoned the both to sit down.

As they took their seats, he cleared his throat and looked at the both.

“So, which one of you is Alex?” He asked, and Alex rose his hand. The man nodded, and glanced over at Jack. “So you must be the respective boyfriend, Jack Barakat?”

At Jack’s nod, the man acknowledged his answer and then looked down at the files. Both boys in front of him waited anxiously. After what seemed like an hour, but had in fact only been a few minutes, the man looked up and glanced at both the boys.

“I think I’d better be straight with you both and say it out now.” He said simply. Taking a breath, he turned to look at Alex. “I’m really very sorry, but I’m afraid you have cancer.”

At this, Jack absolutely broke down. He started sobbing, holding his head in his hands as the tears started rolling down his face. Alex, however, stared into space, not responding at all. He’d been expecting this, those nights he’d been up, sweating, he knew that wasn’t normal. He knew there was a reason he’d been throwing up, and losing weight, and it hadn’t been the usual flu.

But it didn’t seem fair. The band, the music they’d been making, that was just starting. They’d just been signed to Hopeless Records and were being told that big things were going to come out of them.

As Alex had been brooding, he noticed that the doctor in front of him had been speaking. He switched back to reality, trying to gain a focus on what the doctor was saying to a still sobbing Jack.

“...eager to start radiotherapy soon, as the sooner we start, the more chance we have of eradicating the cancer in him.”

Jack didn’t really seem to be taking it in either, but he nodded, trying to calm his sobbing. Neither of them had really looked at Alex, although he was glad of it. He didn’t really know if he could hold in his own tears at this news. Anything could break those defences down right now, and Alex was really hoping Jack didn’t try to comfort him on the way home, for that would be it.

As the doctor finished explaining what would be done next, he turned to Alex, and gave him a sad smile.

“We’re all very sorry this has happened.”

At this, Alex pushed back his chair, turning away. He couldn’t do this, they were already speaking as if there was no hope. Getting up and walking out, he slammed the door and headed to the car, not caring whether Jack was following or not. It was a few seconds until he heard footsteps behind him to say Jack was indeed following.

“Alex –“ Jack started, but Alex cut him off, twisting round to face his boyfriend.

“Don’t try and fucking talk to me about it. Give me the keys to the car. Now.” He growled, holding out a hand for the keys. The younger one sighed, tears still in his eyes, and pulled the keys out of his pocket, placing them on Alex’s outstretched hand.

Alex looked away, immediately breaking into a run and heading towards the car, knowing Jack wasn’t far behind.

“Alex, wait, Alex..” was all he could hear, but he ignored Jack. Was all very well for him. He got to the car and unlocked it, throwing himself into the driver’s seat. Jack frowned, going round to sit in the passenger seat.

“Alex, I –“

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Alex muttered, starting their ignition and starting the silent drive home.