Killing Loneliness

“Ok Ash, do you remember the lyrics to Lithium?” Jack pulled his guitar over his shoulder and was turning the knobbs at the top of it that were connected to all the strings.
“Of course I do.” I rolled my eyes and walked up to the mic.

It had been a month since the guys had asked me to be back in the band. Kat thought it was a great idea, and every day that I spent with the guys I was even happier. When I first agreed to it, I called Bam telling him that I was in the band again, he was overwhelmed saying that it was the hottest thing he's ever heard. I just laughed and told him about the guys and different songs. Today was our last practice before we played a local show here in LA, I was so stoked.
I jumped a few times nervously in front of the mic as the music picked up and I waited for my moment to start singing. I hadn't performed in front of people for a long time and couldn't belive that I was going to be tonight. Bam promised he was going to be flying in specially to see me perform.
Once practice was over, I rushed home to start getting ready for the show. It started at 7pm and was only 20 minutes from where Kat and I lived. I still hadn't heard anything from Bam since earlier in the morning when he told me that he was going to see me in a few hours. I didn't bother texting him figuring that he was busy with getting ready and traveling all the way out here. I was so excited to see him. I hadn't seen him since I left West Chester. Kat said it would be easier if her and I went to the show together, so I could have a good time after the show and not have to worry about driving home. I was so happy with that desicion and told the guys of our new plans to have an epic night after the show.
I was suposed to be on stage in an hour, and Kat and I were just leaving our place. I looked at my phone, clutched in my hand. I had checked the messages a hundred times today, and still nothing new. I was starting to get anxious that Bam wasn't going to show. The whole ride to the venue I hummed, warming up my voice slowly. Once we were at the venue I looked around anxiously for Bam. I asked the guy at the door if he had seen him. He said no. I sighed in frustration.
“Don't worry Hun, I'm sure he'll show,” Kat wrapped her arm around my shoulder trying to calm me down. It was only 10 minutes before the show. The place was packed, Kat really did out do herself when she said she'd make sure the place was filled. I stood with the guys waiting to get on. The 5 of us stood in a group and wrapped our arms around eachother. We gave eachother words of encouragement, telling each other that we were great and were going to rock. I had no doubt about that though.
The lights dimmed and the guys walked onto stage. The crowd started to yell and whistle, starting to chant our name, Grieving. With one last full body chill of nervousness running threw my body, I walked out onto stage as the music picked up. I started to sing and everyone went wild. I jumped and danced around the stage, in my own world. This was my drug, who needed anything actually like that when music could do it for me.
I had sang 8 songs, and still searched the crowd for Bam. He wasn't there. As I came to the last song a ripple of pain went threw my chest. I couldn't believe this. I stifled the sigh that I wanted to expel and started to sing the last verse of our last song. I kept my eyes closed the whole time, fearing that if I opened them and still didn't see Bam I was going to break down into tears on stage.
The song came to an end, and I let my eyes search the crowd one last time. I didn't see Bam. I walked off the stage trying not to cry, yet failing as I passed by Kat.
“Hunny whats wrong?!” Kat ran after me as I made my way out the back door to her car.
“He didn't show!” I yelled, unable to control my sadness. I crouched down and pressed my back against the side of her car and started to cry into my hands.
“What?” Kat's voice sounded shocked. There was a look of disbeilef on her face.
“Bam's not here. He promised he'd be here and he wasn't,” I whipped the tears off of my face and stood up. The guys fromt he band walked out, after looking for me and rushed over to me when they saw I was upset. Kat unlocked the door and told me to get in. I sat in the passanger seat as she talked to the guys. Their expressions on their faces ranged from pissed to upset to outraged. They nodded eagerly and walked back into the venue. Kat walekd around the car and got in.
“The guys are going to pack up their stuff and then they are gonna pick up some pizza's and come by our place, how does that sound?” Kat started her car but I didn't say a thing. I shrugged lightly, looking down at my phone that still had no messages. I knew I told him the right place, the address, the date the time everything.
Kat sudgested that when I got home I should call Bam, see what was happening and why he didn't show. I wasn't sure if I wanted to but I knew she was right.
I locked the bathroom door behnid me and sat on top of the closed lid toilet. My phone was pressed to my ear as I listened to it ring.
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
“H – hello?” Bam's voice slurred from the other end of the line.
“Bam, where were you?” I was starting to break down but I tried to hold my composure.
“Oh hey babe!” He sounded happy from the other side now that he realized that it was me.
“Where were you?”
“I'm here, what do you mean where am i?” I sighed trying to stay calm.
“Bam, my performance was tonight here in LA. You promised you were going to be there,” The other end of the phone went silent as Bam processed the thought.
“Oh fuck, Baby I'm sorry I didn't realize it was today!”
“I talked to you earlier this morning Bam. You said you were excited to see me perform tonight.”
The other end was silent again.
“Bam why didn't you show,” My voice started to waver, I hoped he could tell how upset I was.
“I.. I.. Missy wanted to talk before the papers finalized. So we talked and went out for dinner and well by the time I got back I missed my plane and well the guys figured I should stay here instead cause by the time i got there you'd be finished,” Tears welled at the edges of my eyes when I heard him say Missy's name.
“So you didn't show up to your girlfriends performance cause you were with your ex wife?” Tears ran down my cheeks before I could stop them.
“Baby I'm sorry, look I'll come out in a few days to see you and make it up to you ok? Baby i'm sorry,” Bam's voice sounded sincere in my ear and I tried to believe that he was telling the truth.
“Ok, I'm still really upset. You could have said you weren't going to be able to make it,” I wipped off the tears with the back of my hand. “Look I gotta go, I have an after party to go to. I'll talk to you later.”
I pulled the reciever away from ear and could hear him say that he loved me. I didnt both to answer him and just snapped my phone shut. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked pathetic. After calming down for a minute and fixing my make up a little, I was ready to go back down stairs.
He was going to make it up to me right? There was an after party waiting for me and I couldnt be sad any more.