Killing Loneliness

I sat kicknig my legs, waiting for the doctor to come into the office. I had had several anxiety attacks since I took the three tests and waitied all week to get into the doctor to make sure if I was or wasn't. I was suposed to be leeaving to see Bam tomorrow, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able tod ot his now that I could possibly pregnant with is baby.
The doctor walked in with his chart in his hand. I bit my lip nervously.
“Hello Miss Nowek, well I have the results of your test here,” He sat on the stool that was made for the doctors as I sat on the edge of the examination table.
“And?”
“Congratulations Ashleigh, you are for sure pregnant!” The doctor smiled up at me with excitement. My breath caught in my throat and I choked on it.
“Seriously?”
“Yes, do you know who the father is? It would be the right thing to inform him,” I nodded without really realizing that I was. The doctor talked to me about different things that I should expect while pregnant and what I should expect. I tried to listen,b ut the thought of telling Bam was over whelming me.
The drive home I kept my mind blank, not wanting to think of anythig. The inpending doom was going to kill me. I wans't sure if Bam was going to be happy, or if he was going to be pissed. I pulled into the drive way and saw Kat sitting on the front step waiting for me.
“Ash! Whats the answer?” She stood up, she looked just as nervous as I did.
“I – I'm pregnant. For sure. 100%.” I walked past her into the house and made my way into the kitchen. I was staring off in space, still not really able to grasp what was all happening. My body was numb. My mind was blank.
Kat was quiet as she came up and hugged me. I thought I was ok, but when I hugged her back I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started to cry. I balled my eyes out on her shoulder, unable to control the sobs that were comnig out of my chest. What seemed like hours passed and I finally calmed down.
“You need to call Bam,” Kat pulled a few matted clumps of wet hair from my face and looked down at me. I nodded and picked up my phone. I opened it and hit speed dial.
“Hello?” Bam's voice came threw the speaker and I could barely make a noise.
“Hey Bam,”
“Oh hey, hold on,” I heard russeling and moving in the background and then a door shut. “Whats up babe?”
“I have something to tell you,” My voice croaked over the phone and I lookd up at Kat for moral support. She nodded me to go on.
“Me to babe – I've been thinking for the last little while that we need to take a break. I mean, I love you don't get my wrong. But Missy wants to work things out, and she's kinda convinced me to try things again,” Bam's voice shocked me. My mouth dropped open and silent tears made their way down my cheeks. Kats face grew worried and I looked up into her eyes. There was no way I could talk to him, not after this. I sobbed and heard Bam calling my name on the other end of the phone. I stood up and handed it to Kat, walking out of the room.
“Ash wait! Hello Bam? What did you say to her?” Kat yelled into the phone and waited a minute to listen to Bam. I was half way up the staris when I heard her start to scream again.
“Are you fucknig kidding me?! You're going to pull this shit! Ashleigh loves you, and you're doing this! Oh god – and she didn't even tell you her news yet!” It was silent again for a few minutes and then she said the unavoidable words.
“Bam, she's pregnant with your baby. She took 3 tests and went to the doctor today. She is 100%, for sure pregnant,”
I stood in my door way, tears still streaming down my face. My heart ached. I had lost the love of my life, but was gaining someone else. I placed my hand on my stomach, which didn't show anything yet. I sobbed silently and sat on the edge of my bed.
“Bam do you really think I would lie to you about this or tell this to you as a prank? Grow up! You're girlfriends pregnant – I don't care if you were going to work things out with Missy, you can't anymore!” Kat was still yelling. I cried hard into my pillow now.
It felt like my chest had be shot open , and someone was ripping my heart out slowly. Each jolt of pain felt new and made the sobs harder.
I heard Kat's footsteps on their way up the stairs.
“Look Bam. You tell her that. She loves you, more then she should. She's crying,” Kat walked into my room and handed the phone to me.
“Hunny, it's Bam. He has something to say to you. Don't worry he'll be nice,” Kat rubbed her hand over my shoulders trying to sooth me. I took a few deep breaths before I grabbed the phone and pressed it to my ear.
“What?” My voice was weak and pathetic, but it was all that I could muster up right now.
“Baby... I... I'm sorry for what you said. If you're pregnant then I'm going to make things right between you and I. If its our baby then it's going to have both of us,” Bam's voice was quiet on the other side.
“Ok,” I heard a door open on the other side of the phone and a female voice that I didn't want to hear.
“Bam baby, who's on the phone and why were you yelling. Come back to bed,” Her voice got closer, she must be standing right next to Bam.
“Ashleigh's pregnant with my baby, I'm not going to leave her like this. Missy get your shit and go. I don't care what I said earlier,” Bam had pulled his mouth away from the reciever but I still heard every single word. Missy started to yell and Bam told her to shut up.
“Baby, I'm going to call you back and we can arrange for when I'm going to see you or you coming here ok? I need to deal with Missy,”
“Ok,” I shut my phone and looked up at Kat.
“What did you say to him?” I was so happy that Kat was with me, and that she had talked to Bam. The fact that Missy was already there though, meant that he had been sleeping with her. That hit another heart string and made me cring when I thought of it.
“I told him how I've never seen him so happy with anyone other thne you, that you need him as much as he needs you,” Kat rubbed my back as she spoke.
“You didn't have to...” My voice trailed off as I started to think of Bam and Missy together.
“Yes I did. I may have wanted to be with Bam at some point, but you're with him now and you're having his baby. I love you both and want you to be happy.” I smiled at Kat's words. She really was my best friend. I sat up and gave her a hug. I wipped the tears from my cheeks and smiled.
“I guess I should tell the guys shouldn't I?” I smiled, thinking of what good was going to be coming out of this. Kat smiled back at me and nodded quickly. I picked my phone up and sent a mass text to my band mates saying that they needed to get to my place asap because I had to tel them something extremely important. David replied quickly, asking what it was about, but I told him he'd have to wait til he got there.
Kat and I went downstairs to wait for the guys to come downstairs. Jack was the first one there, with Steve closely behind him. Joe came in with David hot on his tail .
“What is so freakin important!” David stood anxiously wiating with his arms crossed over his chest.
I looked over to Kat and bit my lip, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to tell the guys. She motioned for me to go on and I stood up infront of everyone.
“So, this week has been rather stressful for me and Kat's been helping therw it all and well I've got a suprise for you all,” I put my hands behind my back and looked at each of the guys.
“I'm pregnant,” Everything was silent for a minute before the guys realized what I had acutally said.
“Are- are you serious?” David stood up and looked concentrated on trying to believe what I just said.
I stuffed my hand into ym backpocket and pulled out the sheet that my doctor had given me. It was a list of things to do and not to do. I tossed it at David who read it quickly. He smiled up at me and then jumped up.
“Contgrats babe!!!” David gave me a huge tight hug before he let go of me so the other guys could to. I huged each one of the guys as the contragulated me and told me how happy they were for me.
After all of that, the 6 of us all agreed to go out to dinnerm, to celebrate the soon to be new member of our little family.