Killing Loneliness

My head pounded. Ugh, advil, pain pills something. It felt like I was waking up from a dream, you know what of those really long ones. I rolled my head to one side when I felt something in my nose. I opened my eyes slowly and saw the bleak white walls. There were voices in the room.
“Excuse me, when is she going to wake up?” I recognized that voice, it was Bam. I smiled and rolled over my head to the direction that his voice was coming form.
“Well look for yourself Mr. Margera, she's waking up now,” The doctor that was standing at the end of the other bed in the room. Bam looked over at me quickly and jumped up. He was in a pair of sweat pants and a tshirt with a sling around his shoulder to hold up his arm. There were cuts and scratches all over his bare skin that I could see.
“Baby! Oh my god!” He walekd over slowly, not wanting to risk throwing himself off balence. He pulled along an IV poll that was connected to him. Thats when reality sunk in. We were in a car accident, a bad one. I tried to sit up but the nurse that was standing at my other side held down my shoulder.
“Mam, you're going to have to stay laying down,” She let go of my shoulder and then started to write down stuff on a chart. When I looked back over in the direction that Bam was coming from, he was just stopping at the edge of my bed. He sat lightly on the edge and looked at me with a smile.
“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” With his good hand he pressed his palm to my cheek. I pressed my face into it and smiled up at him.
“I hurt, but I'm happy that you're here,” Bam bent down slowly and pressed his lips to mine. I could feel different places of my face that hurt, I must have been bursed there.
He pulled away from the kiss and looked over my face.
“I must look really bad huh?” I tried to make a joke out of it, even though I knew it was a bad one. Bam laughed softly to himself before he stopped from what looked like a shot of pain that ran threw his body.
“Nah babe, you still look as hot as usual,” He smirked down at me which made me feel better. I sat there in silence for a few minutes as Bam and I staired into each others. It felt like the first time that I had ever seen his eyes. They were filled with excitement and lust.
“I was so worried about you,” Bam broke the silence with his whisper. I smiled and kept my eyes locked with his. “They weren't sure you were going to make it. I... I waited for so long to find out anything,”
My chest started to hurt as I watched the look on Bam's face change. I started to feel tears at the edge of my eyes and looked up at him again.
“But baby, look I'm fine,” I smiled up at him but that didn't help the worried expression on his face.
“Ashleigh, you've been asleep for almost a week and you had surgery. There were metal and glass fragments embeded all over your body. You have somethin glike 80 something stiches. You're not fine, and..” Bam trailed off before he could finish his sentance. A panic started to build in me now, wanting to know what the end of his sentance really was.
“And?” I sat up in bed, Bam pressed his good hand to my shoulder and pushed me back down to the bed like the nurse did. He avoided my eyes. That made me start to freak out even more.
“Bam, what else happened?” my voice wavered and he still avoided my eyes. That was when reality hit me for a second time in only minutes. The baby. I moved my hand to my stomach and the bulg that was once there was gone. Tears whelld down my face before I even knew if it was true.
“Bam,” I called out his name threw the sobs that were breaking out of my chest. I wanted him to answer me. When he finally looked at me, there were tears running down his own face this time.
“We... we,” Bam coughed as he whipped the tears off of my face and then his own. “We lost the baby,”
The words hit me like a train, I would have rather been in a hundred car acidents then hear those words. I felt my heart break as I looked into Bam's face. His eyes were sad, unlike anything I had ever seen. I coughed, trying to get my mind to wrap around what was happening. Why was this happening to me.....
I did everything I could do to sit up. This time Bam didn't push me back down, but he wrapped his good arm around me and held me as close as he could. The sobs that were coming from my chest now were uncontrolable. Was this really happening to me? I looked up at Bam, who had even more tears now running down his face. His sobs were quiet, as he tried to calm me down. He must have known for the week I was out.
I pulled my head away from Bam's shoulder and shook my head. There was no way that this was happening, this couldn't actually have happened.
“No bam, you're lieing it – it can't be gone just like that!” I sobbed threw the words, watching with each word more pain spread across Bam's face.
“B-baby, I'm sorry,” Bam cried as he pulled me closer ot him again.
I sat there crying, uncontrolably til the nurse came in. She took one look at Bam and I and walked out of the room. Hours passed as we cried. I never thought I could cry like this, but my body just forced the tears out of me.
After a while, I laid down on my side, with Bam's arms tightly wrapped around my waist. I fell asleep dreaming about the one thing I had lost before I even had. Our child.