Killing Loneliness

“Ashleigh, hunny, wake up, come on wake up!” I started to twist when I heard the sound of Kats voice. I lifted my eyes open and looked up at her. I was laying on her couch at her home. My mind started to race and reminded me of everything that was happening. I jerked up and looked around. Panic gripped at my chest and I looked around. The only people that were in the room were Kat and I. Before I even realized it there were tears running down my face. Kat pulled me into a hug and let me cry for however long I needed to.
“You're going to move in with me ok?”

----- 2 months later----

I looked at myself in the mirror. There was still a small cut under my eye from the last time I saw Lawrence. I looked down at my hand and saw the ring that he gave me still there. Part of me wanted to get ride of it, and the other part of me wanted to keep it – not knowing if we'd ever actually get back together.
Since that night, Kat had been by my side every day for me. Every tear that I cried fell on her shoulder and every word I said went in threw her ears. It was just past dinner time on a sunday, the day that Kat and I each had off. I finished washing my hands and walked into the kitchen to see that Kat on the phone with someone.
Out of curtosy I didn' pay attention to what she was saying and put down our plates on the kitchen table. I put down two for us and then started to put other things for dinner on the table. We weren't sure what we were getting but when I did hear what Kat was saying she sounded like she was ordering something to eat. When she finally hugn up, i looked over at her with a questioning look.
“Order dinner?” I picked up my glass of water and took a sip of it. A smile came across her face.
“You could say that, good with some chinese food?” Kat walked into her office without waiting for my answer.
I walked into the smaller room that Kat had made into my office so that I had my own. I sat down and looked at the door. There was no one there and that was what I was wanting. I pulled open the drawer next to me and picked up the envelope that I had kept photos in from the last couple months. There were photos from the last couple of months that were good and bad. I stopped when I came to the photo of Lawrence and I were on our vacation,when he asked me ot marry him. I paused at that and then dropped the rest of the photos on the desk and left the one of us in my hand.
I got up and walked over to the garbage can that was in the corner. I started to tare away at the picture, maknig it into as many tiny pieces that I could. Each rip I made was persise and delicate. I got lost in the thought and when there was a knock on the door i quickly ripped the rest of it apart and started for the door.
“Hel-” I paused when I looked at who was standing on the other side of the door. There stood Bam and Novak, with their arms full of food. Each one of them were smiling largely at me.
“Come on in! Oh my god!” I stepped back and let the guys in. I yelled up the stairs for Kat to come down stairs but she was already in the kitchen setting out another two plates for us. Novak walked into the kitchen first leaving Bam and I to stand together for a minute alone.
“Hey so.. how are you?” Bam took another step towards me and looked down at me. I was starting to feel that electric feeling that had first ran threw my body when we had first met.
“Uhm, I'm guessing you've heard,” I scratched my arm not to sure how to react. “But dealing with it eevery day has been tough,” I looked back up into Bams face and saw a sinsir look that was looking back at me. “What about you Bam? I haven't heard anything from you for a while, everything ok?” I placed my hand on his arm and patted it lightly. A jolt ran threw my body and I noticed Bam jerk at the same thing.
“Well,” He looked down at the ground and I could tell from his face that there was something wrong too. “I've been having a rough time. I left my wife, Missy, she was getting so... controling. So she moved out and everything. That happened when i got back home from the lasst time I saw you,” From the tone of his voice it was easy to tell that he was still sorta upset about it. It was easy to hear the loneliness in it.
“Oh Bam, I'm so sorry,' I closed the last step between us and wrapped my arm around him giving him a half hug. He acccepted it quickly and mentioned that we should probably be heading into the kitchen with the rest of the food.
When Bam and I finally got into the kitchen after a few moments of talking I noticed that Kat seemed super exctied about something. I took the food from Bams hands to let him sit down and relax. I pulled everything out of the bag that he was holding and started to place everything on the counter , next to everything that was already out. Bam, Kat and Novak talked about some castle and how much fun it was gooing to be. I looked at the three of them who seemed all excited about whatever they were talking about.
“So Ash, have you been anywhere else other then LA since you've been here?” Bam asked once I had finally sat down with a plate full of food.
“Ah.. Actually no, just sorta the LA area. Don't have the time go to go traveling with all of the work that Kat gives me,” I shot a smile in her direction and she just laughed. I watched as Bam glanced over to Kat and watch her nod about something.
“Then why dont you come with us to WestChester? We are flying back in the morning and I was wondering if you wanted to come and hang out with us,” Bam was smiling up at me and as I picked up his plate once he was finished. I paused at the shock of the question. No one had ever asked such a thing of me. I glanced over at Kat before I could say anything.
“You gotta come with us Ash, it's always sooo much fun over at castle Bam!” Kat picked up her and Novaks plates and placed them in the sink when I was rinsing my off. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.
I tried to open my mouth to say something, but nothing could come out. I looked over at Bam who was smiling largely at me.
“I guess that means yes!” Bam got up and came over and put his arm around me. “Welcome to the group!” Bam seemed so excited about the trip back to his placce he almost seemed giddy.
After a few hours of hanging out, Novak got a call from someone and he had to leave to go see her. It was starting to get near midnight and Kat didn't stay up that late so she wondered up to her room. Bam and I sat together at the kitchen table each picking at the lable of our beers.
“So, have you talked to your ex at all?” Bams question startled me and I looked up at him as his eyes wondered across my face. I let my own eyes search his face before my mind started to think about Lawrence.
“No,” I lifted my beer and took a sip of it before I wanted to continue on with anything else. “Hes been in jail since then. I think they are moving him back to Canada. The charges against him are pretty high,” Kat must have not told Bam anything sine he looked completely lost in what I was talking about. I gulped down my breath quickly and then looked up at Bam.
“He raped me, then when i was trying to get away, he had fractured my ankle, he beat me up and then raped me again,” I could feel tears starting to sing in the corners of my eyes. I tried to blink them away but I couldn't. “When Kat found me I was unconcious and Lawrence was still on top of me,”
A few tears started to run down my cheeks and I tried to rub them off with the back of my hand. Bam's eyes were burning holes into my cheeks but I tried not to look at him. I fiddled with the ring on my thumb when I felt two warm hands grab mine. My eyes darted towards my hands. They were covered by a pair of tattooed ones that I wasn't used to. I followed up the arms that matched the hands, they were covered in tattoos as well. At the top of the shoulders was Bam's face. I wasn't expecting that.
My eyes started to water more when they met his. With just a light tug Bam pulled me out of the chair and over to him. He stood up and pulled me towards him. I rested my head in the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back slightly with his hands.
I wasn't sure how long we stood there for but my eyes were so sore and tired from crying I could barely open them.
“Do you want me to take you to bed?” Bam whispered softly into my ear. I nodded with little energy that I had, and pulled away slightly from him. I was about to unwrapp my arms from around his waist when Bam's finger slid under my chin. He pulled my face up so that it was just a few inches from his.
“It'll be ok. He not here anymore, it'll never happen again ok?” His voice was a whisper again, and his eyes were peircing mine as I looked back up at him. I couldn't open my mouth and say anything. I just nodded and blinked in the last few tears. Bam smiled a little smile that made a warm feeling spread threw my chest. I tried to smile back but it was a pathetic attempt. For some reason I didn't want to let go, I wanted to stand there for a lot longer. My mind wondered again, at the thought of what it would be like to be with him.
I dropped my hands from around his waist and took another step back. Bam was still smiling at me, I was guessing he was trying to make me feel better still. I started to stumble my way over to the stairs, I guess I really must have been alot more tired then I originally thought I was. Bam came up and wrapped his arm around my waist and started to walk with me. When he came to the stairs he told me to walk up first and that he was going to walk behind me. I felt him place a hand on each side of my hips and make sure that I didn't fall. Normally I'd tweak for someone thinking that I couldn't walk by myself, but I was to tired and drained to even care.
I made my way to the bathroom quickly before I headed to my room, and when I walked into my room Bam had turned on the lamp next to my bed and had pulled back the blanket. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with a picture frame in his hand. On my night stand I kept a photo of the first time Kat and I went out for a staff party – the staff party that was welcoming me into the shop.
“I have this same picture at home,” He didn't look up at me when I walked into the room but looked to his side when I sat down next to him. “Just after this picture was taken, Kat sent me the picture saying you were the new member of High Voltage. You guys are amazing friends,” I smiled as I listened to his story of Kat. It warmed my heart to hear even more amazing stories of Kat.
“She's incredible, I don't know what I'd do without her now,” I lifted the photo out of Bam's hands and held it in my own for a moment. In the photo Kat and I stood next to each other, smiling largly while I held up a High Voltage shirt. I smiled to myself and then placed the photo back on the night stand.
“Do you want me to get you some blankets? I mean I can go sleep on the couch if you want to stay here,” I stood up getting ready to walk to the hall closet where there were a few extra blankets. Bam laughed and stood up.
“Nah, I'll be good. You head to bed. We gotta get up early, I've slept on Kat's couch many times,” Bam smiled and walked past me closing the door lightly.
I stood there for a second, not really knowing what actually just happened. It seemed the whole night went by in a blurr and suddenly it was night. I walked towards my bed, dropping pieces of clothing off on the floor. I tried to think about work, and how we were goign to to to WestChester, but my mind wouldn't stray from the thought of Bam. Even when I thought his name I felt it flitter threw my head and make my body tingle. I thought of how he comforted me. How his touch felt like an electric shot.
I laid down in bed, thinking of everything Bam. I was going to spend the next couple of days with him, and just the thought of that made me want to jump up out of bed and start running out of my room. I fell asleep, smiling, and thinking of Bam.