Killing Loneliness

“Hey wake up sunshine! We've got a plane to catch!!” I woke up to Novak shaking me awake. I grumbled and rolled over to look at my clock. It was 6 in the morning. Oh god.
“Get out so I can get up.” I pulled the blanket over my head, not wanting to get up but knowing that I had to.
“What it's not like I haven't seen anything that you got before,” There was a tone of sass in his voice.
“Ha Ha Ha, get out so I can get my shit together,” I sat up, throwing a pillow at him. He laughed and shut the door behind himself. Inside my closet was a suit case that I was going to have to pack still. Shit.
I got up and started to throw whatever I thought that I was going to need for however long that we were going to be gone for. It only took me 20 minutes and by the time there was another knock on my door I was just pulling my shirt on over my head.
“Come in!” I leant down to zip up my suit case and turned around to see Bam standing there in the door. “Oh good morning, didn't think you were up yet,” I smiled over at him as I wheeled my suit case over to the door.
“Yah normally I'm not up early, ever – but Novak woke me up when he got here at some god forsaken hour,” Bam rubbed his eyes and yawned again. I laughed at the tired Bam ,and tried to resist my own yawn. I scooted past Bam and started to pull my suitcase to the top of the stairs. It wasn't that heavy but it was heavy enoguh for me to struggle with it down the stairs. I stopped at the top of the stairs and looked down in dread. There was no way I was goinng to get this suit case down the stairs without hurting myself. While I was debating what I was going to do next, Bam came up behind me and took the suit case and started moving down the stairs. He got half way down before I tried to stop him.
“Bam what are you doing! I could have brought it down myself!” I started down the stairs after him only to trip on my own pant leg and start to fall. I couldn't help but scream as I fell into Bam. My body crashed into his and we both started to fall down the remainder of the stairs. I wasn't exactly sure what was happening but when I finally started to feel my whole body ache I knew that the tumble had stopped. I groaned and opened my eyes. Juat an inch from mine there was a pair that was stairing back at me. I knew exactly whose eyes those were as I staired back.
I wasn't sure how long we laid there for, but slowly I saw his eyes moving closer to mine. I felt my lips tingle, wanting their own attention from Bam. I lifted my lips to meet his in our gaze when we both heard Kat and Novak come into the room.
“Woow! What the fuck is happening here?” Novak's voice was the first that I heard and Bam quickly pushed himself off of me and stood up. I put my hand over my eyes, sheilding the light and trying to hide from the looks that I knew that I was getting.
“Ash fell down the stairs and crashed into me,” Bam put out his hand for me to take. I grabbed it with ease and he pulled me to my feet. There were odd looks on both Kat's and Novak's faces when I looked back and forth between them. I could tell that there was a look of dount on Kat's face, and that it looked like she was going to want to say something to me later.
“Well the cars here guys,” Kat pulled the handle up from her own suitcase and started to wheel it to the door. Behind me was my suit case on the floor and I turnd it right side up and wheeled it to the door.
We all pilled into the car and the ride to the airport was silent. We all walked into the airport together and stayed together the whole time, yet there was nothing spoke between the four of us. I watched as little girls came up to Bam and asked him for a photo or a signature. There was a part of me that flared up everytime I watched his eyes look over some young girl and hug them like he knew them. I turned away and was caught by Kat, who was watching me watching him. She nodded towards the side and I walked over to her. We walked about 20 feet from the guys and she stopped and gave me a serious look.
“What are you doing?” Kat's voice was serious, much more serious then I had heard it in a while.
“What do you mean?” I felt my eyebrows furrow and the expression change on my face.
“You know exactly what I mean Ash,” I paused, trying to think of what I should say back to her now. “Ashleigh, you've only been away from Lawrence for 2 months. There is no way you are ready for a new relatioship. And I know Bam, and neither is he. He's a great guy but if you don't stop this now you're just going to be his rebound,” Each word stung as I thought of them. It felt like they were being burned into my skin. I knew she was right though. I could barely have male clients in the shop cause me emotions were still fried from being with Lawrence. I felt the common wave of sadness wash over me, just like every time that I think of him.
“Yah,” I ouldn't help but sign. “You're right.” I sat down on the closet bench and did everything I could not to look over at him until we got onto the plane.
Once we were on the plane, the steritisit had convienently sat me next to Bam. I looked up at the seat infront of me. Everything I could do not to look over at Bam. We had been up in the air for an hour or so when he finally broke the silence.
“Whats wrong?” Bam's voice was just a whisper but I still didn't look over at him.
“What do you mean whats wrong?” I tried to make my voie sound as if nothing was wrong, when I'm sure he could see straight threw my lies.
“You're not talking. And it's obvious that you're thinking or upset about something,” I wanted to bite my tongue when Bam said that. Normally no one could read what I was feeling but some how Bam got it right on the dot. I figured there was no point in trying to hide it anymore.
“Kat just said something to me that I'm over analyzing or something like that,” I looked over at him and saw the worried expression that was on his face.
“What did she say?” He turned in his seat so that his body was facing me. I glanced over to my other side and saw that Novak and Kat were both asleep. I twisted in my chair so that I was facing him.
“She's just trying to look out for me I guess. She think's I'm getting to close to you, or you're getting to close to me – which ever order you want,” I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. His face was in thought for a minute before it changed.
“Well,” he started and then paused looking back at me this time, “What do you think?” Bam's question caught me off guard, again.
“Uhm,” My mind raced for me in tryimng to think of what the right thing to say was. “Well she said that she doesn't think I'm ready to be around another guy yet and that you just leaving your wife-”
“I don't care what she said, what do you think,” Bam cut me off and was short with what he said. I closed my mouth and looked at him for a second, not sure what to think, say or if I should even breath with himt his close to me.
“Well,” I took in a deep breath, thinking of the most logical answer. “I dont like being alone, and I'm really really lonely. I just don't feel right when I'm alone if that makes any sence,” I looked behind me to make sure that Kat and Novak were still sleeping, last thing I wanted was for Kat to wake up and hear what I was saying or for Novak to hear and either tell her or get mad at Bam for whatever he was going to say back.
“I just really like your company if that makes sence,” I looked up into Bam's face and it was serious. His eyes were on me, but it was easy to tell that he was in deep thought of something. When the expression on his face finally shifted a smile formed on his lips.
“I really enjoy your company to,” His smile got larger and he placed his hand on top of mine, which was on the armrest between the two of us. Electricity shot threw me and I suddenly felt completely awake. I wasn't sure what was going to happen with Bam but I was starting to like what was happening.
The rest of the flight, Bam and I sat in silence. His hand stayed plaed ontop of mine just perfectly. Once we landed and Kat and Novak were awake we stayed away from eachother. It must have been some unworded message between the two of us. We went threw the airport, got our lugage and then started to head towards, what they were calling it, Castle Bam.