Let Love In

Things are always easier said than done. I was sure that maybe this distance thing would benefit me and would disintegrate these feelings, but they continued to stay there and grew stronger. Talk about my worst nightmare. I wasn’t the only one who was sure of things. Cameron was spending an awful lot of time with Jenna and very little time with me and even with the guys. Wherever he was, she was always there or close by him. I didn’t want to confront him of this because that would just make me look like I was jealous which I’m not. It’s just… it’s not easy having the one person you’re really close with miraculously disappear.

I continued to read the words on the page of my book over and over again. I had been reading the same sentence for the past 5 minutes, trying to concentrate with all the noise that was going on at the front of the tour bus. I could hear Jenna’s laugh fill the entire bus with her shrieks following close behind. I slightly pulled my curtain aside to see the cause of the entire ruckus. From what I could see, Cameron was tickling Jenna, making her laugh uncontrollably.

“Spying, are we?” I heard Zach say to me.

I placed my heart on my hand and breathed in deeply. “Can you not scare me like that?”

Zach put his hands up in surrender and backed up a little. “Sorry,” he said as he shoved his hands back into his pockets, “Michael, Nathan, and I just wanted to know if you wanted to hear a bit of the track we laid down.”

“Uh, yeah. Just give me a sec.” I put my book down and stumbled out of my bunk. I looked over my shoulder one last time, catching a glimpse of his face before I entered the back lounge and closed the door.

I sat down, propping my feet on Michael’s lap. The music began to fill the room and my ears. I closed my eyes, letting the past flow away and forget about everything. Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling, thoughts immediately making its way back that I almost forgot that the guys were still around me.

“Emma?” Nathan’s voice nearly slipped my mind. “Emma, are you okay?” I finally snapped out of my thoughts.

“Me? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Fine. Psh, what a bunch of lies.

Nathan gave me a worried look. “Are you sure? You seem a little dazed.”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry.” Suddenly, I was saved by my phone ringing. “Sorry, guys. I have to take this,” I said, stepping out of the back lounge and pressing my phone against my ear. “Hello?”

“Emma Mackenzie Love, you are in serious trouble,” I heard my mom say on the other line in a stern tone. Great, just what I needed, I thought. I waited in silence, hoping this day would just end. “Why haven’t you called us at all to check in? Do you know how worried your father and I have been?”

“I’m sorry, mom. I’ve just been busy and I simply forgot.”

“You’re sorry? That’s it? I knew it, Emma. I knew I shouldn’t have let you go on tour with those boys. You’re supposed to be focused on attending university right after summer.” Those boys: those boys are my friends and I’d rather spend my summer with them than with you putting me down.

I bit my lip, holding back words and tears as I went shut the door that separated the front of the bus with where the bunks were. I glanced up at Cameron, who got a clear view of me getting ready to start bursting into tears, before I shut the door and climbed into my bunk. I pulled the curtains and spoke to my mom in a softer tone, hoping she’d do the same and that no one could hear our conversation. “I’m completely fine, though. And don’t worry about university. As soon as I come home, I’ll be prepared for it.”

“Oh, you’ll be prepared alright because your father and I are picking you up as soon as you reach the next venue.”

By now, tears were already streaming down my face as I wiped them with my hands. “Please don’t, mom,” I begged her, my voice croaking. “I like touring with the guys and seeing the entire country. Please, mom. I promise to call you every day. Just please let me stay.”

She sighed heavily, “Alright. We’ll let you stay as long as you call us every other day. If you even miss one day, we’re picking you up right away.”

I nodded my head as if she could see me.

“Have a good day, Emma.” And that was that. I closed my eyes and sobbed, waiting for a black hole to just suck me up when I heard a door click. I peered out into the bunk hallway, but there was no sign of anyone. It was clear to me that someone had heard my conversation.



I stepped out onto the hotel balcony, smelling the fresh Pacific Ocean water fill the air and listening to the hustle and bustle of cars passing by. I gripped onto the railing of the balcony, my knuckles going white as I gripped it tighter and tighter. Everything seemed so much easier when Cameron was around. With him out of the picture, my negative thoughts were returning back. Life used to be so easy.

“Whoa, life isn’t worth ending,” Michael yelled as he stepped outside to join me. I turned my head, smiling at his optimism.

“I wasn’t going to jump, you know.”

“How was I supposed to know?” I looked down beneath us, easing my grip on the railing. “You know, Nathan, Zach and I are worried about you. I’m not sure about Cameron since I haven’t really talked to him much since Jenna joined, but I’m sure he’s worried, too.”

I sighed, “Things haven’t always been so easy for me.”

“If the reason I’m thinking is right, I will gladly knock some sense into him,” he said jokingly.

I chuckled, “It’s fine, Michael, but thanks.”

“I know you’re trying to be strong, but I know you’re not fine. You should really talk to him, you know, actually spend time together like you used to.”

I embraced him into a hug, “Thanks Mikey. You know, you really do give good advice when you’re not kidding around half the time.

“I have my days,” he laughed.

I looked back at the beach near us, watching people live their life and enjoy the day. Maybe one day I could be just like them, living a carefree life and enjoying every day without having all these negative thoughts surround me.