Let Love In

Normally, each day was wild and crazy, but ever since the Jonathan encounter happened, the whole atmosphere has been tense. Even though Jonathan was arrested for attempted sexual assault, the guys, excluding Cameron, were watching out for me 24/7. Speaking of Cameron, he had been acting strange the entire week. Ever since Jenna left to go on vacation to Cuba, he had been awfully quiet. He didn’t talk much and when he did, I could sense sadness in his voice. Could it be because he missed Jenna? Who knew?

I still hadn’t told him what had happened back at the hotel. In a way, it was his fault I got into this mess. If he hadn’t declined my offer to hang out, I wouldn’t have had that encounter with Jonathan. Plus, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. The thought of the day brought me fear and I just didn’t want to talk about it, but that night was stamped in my mind.

I remembered sobbing as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom of my hotel room. I breathed in and out, trying to compose myself before Cameron would come in to see us. Looking at my reflection again reminded me of the past. Outside was a quiet girl who chose to keep to her, but inside was a girl who was dying for help, but didn’t ask for it and kept a past that would haunt her forever. Inside was a girl who just couldn’t give her entire trust to anyone. Her name was Emma Love.

There was a knock on the door of the room. I quickly splashed cool water onto my face and looked at my reflection one more time, faking a smile that could convince anyone, even the only person who could see right through it.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw Cameron with a smile on his face. The guys turned their eyes to me, checking to make sure I was okay, but not long enough for Cameron to see that there was clearly something wrong with me.

“Hey, Cam. How was your date with Jenna?” I asked as coolly as possible. I crossed my arms and leaned against the door frame, acting as calm as I could fake.
“It’s was great,” he answered simply, his gaze still fixated on the guys. “Listen,” he stared at the ground, “I really feel bad for leaving you, but I promise to make it up to you.”

“Don’t worry, Cameron. I know you’re busy,” I tried to be sympathetic.

The minute he laid his eyes on me, I knew that for the first time in a while, he could see right through the mask I had put on. His smile faded in an instant and he went into protective mode. “Are-Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying for so long.” He stepped closer to me, examining my face that was probably still puffy.

I looked at the guys, hoping they’d save me again before it was too late. I felt defenceless and knew that I had to tell him. “Well,” I sighed, “I-”

“We were, uh, watching Toy Story 3 and once again, Emma balled like a baby,” Michael interrupted.

I began to follow along with where Michael was going. “Gee, thanks for ratting me out.”

I watched Nathan and Zach sigh of relief as Cameron eyed me suspiciously. I can feel his eyes trying to unravel the lie hidden beneath me. It was as if he knew that I was lying all along. His face was expressionless but he gave me a hard look. Later, it softened as he nodded his head and left without another word.



We had stopped at yet another hotel since we were staying at wherever we were for an extra day. For the first time in a while, Cameron and I shared a room. We hadn’t talked a lot, even though Jenna was gone. I tried to avoid conversations, hoping he wouldn’t bring up that one night. Seeing him act the exact opposite of himself worried me. In the back of my mind, I knew I should’ve talked to him, but my lack of confidence got the best of me. But today, today was the day.

I stood up from my bed and walked to the door, on my way out to find him but found him at the door instead.

“Oh,” my voice said softly. “I was just going to,” my sentence began to trail off.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked me.

I stepped aside from the door, letting him in. We both sat on my bed, my back against the headboard and him facing me. He kept his face down and played with my hands, his touch almost like velvet. His gaze never left my hands.

“Jenna and I broke up,” he finally spoke.

“Oh,” was all I could say.

“At first, I was really upset about it. I honestly thought things were going well, but the night after our dinner date, she broke up with me. But after a few days, I realized something. I wasn’t upset over the breakup, but the fact that I said no to you that night. I felt bad.” He finally looked at me, his eyes showing sincerity. My mouth was dry, unable to form words. “You okay, Emma?”

“I lied, Cameron. It wasn’t okay that night. I wasn’t okay. All the days Jenna was here were never okay. It was like you never existed, like I lost my best friend. Do you know how much it hurt to know that my best friend wasn’t ever there for me? I knew it was you who heard my conversation with my mom. You knew I was crying and you didn’t even bother to comfort me. Not even any words of comfort like ‘it’s going to be okay’.” I breathed in deeply, tears beginning to form in my eyes. “The night you refused to hang out with me was the night I was nearly raped by Jonathan. If you didn’t say no, this would’ve never happened. I wouldn’t be the terrible mess I am or have to continuously build up walls. I thought you were always going to be there. So no, Cameron, I’m not okay.” I sobbed, wiping my tears that fell from my face. “Why did you just disappear? Why?” It was his turn to become silent as he stared at me blankly. Nothing came out of his mouth. “Cameron. Why did you leave me?”

“Because I was falling for you, Emma.” He blurted out.

My anger died down and confusion began to appear on my face. “What?”

He scoffed. “Ever since the day we met up again at your house, I knew I was going to fall for you. Why do you think I spent so much time with you? I knew things were becoming too close so when Jenna joined, I knew I had to cut off my connection with you. But it still killed me. Do you know why? Because I love you, Emma Love. I love you.”

Those three words: I never wanted to hear him say it. Those three words, I knew would fool me. I knew I had to turn this around. “You don’t, Cameron. In my world, it doesn’t exist.”

He rolled his eyes at me and laughed. “Why do you keep building up these walls?”

“Because…” I trailed off. He knew the answer to this question so why bother answering it?

“I could never hurt you. You know that. I know you love me, Emma. Just please give us a try.” He pleaded.

I shook my head. “It wouldn’t work. Relationships don’t always last forever. It just wouldn’t. I’m sorry, Cameron.” I began to head for the door, ready to get out but I was stopped by Cameron. He turned me around and crashed his lips against mine. His hands found my waist as he hugged me close. I knew I had to stop myself and for once, I did. I pulled away and pushed his arms. “I’m sorry, Cameron. It just won’t work, nothing will,” I whispered. I opened the door and walked away, leaving him in the cold.