Let Love In

The tension was killing me. Not once did I glance at Cameron or talk to him. I knew that the tension was killing him just as much, but it was best for me to stop him. The last thing I wanted was for us to fall in “love” and end up having our hearts broken. But, didn’t that happen anyway? I mean, I’ll be honest, I did like him in a way, denying it all the time, but I couldn’t risk getting hurt. I know Cameron could never hurt me, but our feelings were bound to disappear into oblivion. Right?

I hated looking at him because every time I did, he was always looking at me with sad eyes and a frown on his face. I didn’t want him to be this way. In fact, I never wanted this to happen. If he hadn’t fallen for me and I hadn’t fallen for him, maybe none of this would happen. Maybe we could’ve just been friends. Now, I’m stuck on this tour that I’m not sure I want to be a part of anymore, selling merch for my three best friends and the one guy who claims he “loves” me. Have I thought of returning home? Obviously, but I’d rather deal with tension than with my mother constantly hounding me down for every little mistake I make. I guess I just have to suck it up.

I watched the guys from my seat, glancing at the fans outside by the window as they shrieked at the sight of seeing their favourite band do a radio interview. The guys were full of smiles and laughs, including Cameron. That boy, can he ever act well and hide his emotions.

“You guys have a song called Come Down With Love, which I must say is catchy. Have you guys ever been in love?” The radio DJ questioned.

Oh dear, I thought. Was it possible for a black hole to miraculously appear beneath me and just suck me up into oblivion? The last thing I wanted was for everyone to know I hurt a guy who was possibly flawless. To make matters worse, we were face to face so he could look directly at me.

Each of them told their story, sharing the highs and lows of their relationships. It was kind of sad to hear their stories. Hearing how their relationships were going well until things went downhill. It’s a shame that relationships worked that way. Maybe I would’ve believed in all of this if it didn’t always end like this.

Finally, it was Cameron’s turn to speak. My eyes immediately diverted to the ground. My face began to flush, losing a bit of colour. The beat of my heart began to accelerate with every second passing, making me nervous more than ever.

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “there was this girl who I’ve known for a while and the day I reconnected with her was when everything changed. She wasn’t just a girl who clearly was hurt in the past, she was a girl who was afraid of love and I wanted her to show her what it truly was and not what she thought it was.” I lifted my head up and immediately made eye contact with him. He looked straight at me, his eyes bore right into me. It appeared as if he was looking at the radio DJ, but between us, it was almost as if it was only him and I. “She never truly trusted anyone, always tried to push people away, but somehow she let me stay so close to her like no one else has and she pushed me away at the last minute. So yeah, I guess you could say I have been in love, but the one I loved just didn’t love me back.”

The radio DJ continued talking, but Cameron’s eyes were still on me. His face was emotionless, his lips forming a straight line. I wondered if he was waiting for me to say something, as if this entire conversation was between us two.

Guilt struck me like a slap on the face. His words were like knives, piercing me deeply as if he was trying to get his message across. I knew he was hurt, but not this much. I couldn’t handle the pressure. I kept my eyes glued to the ground as I discreetly disappeared out of the radio station building, only Cameron noticing my disappearance.

I began roaming the streets of a city I was unsure of, but walked wherever my feet would take me. The sun was beaming down on me, causing me to perspire as I quickened my pace. My shoulders brushed against people I passed, causing them to give me dirty look or just a simple glance as I apologized and continued walking. Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate, my body shook from the sudden vibration. I looked at the screen, Cameron’s name popping up:



I placed my phone back in my pocket, shrugging off his text. I wasn’t upset. Okay, so maybe I was a little, but what kind of person wants to be seen as the girl who broke a kind man’s heart? No one. I wasn’t mad at him for it. Like he said, he was just being honest.

While putting my phone away, I knocked into a man. “Sorry,” I muttered. I looked up at him, realizing it wasn’t just a man, but he was surely homeless. His filthy clothes and tiny rips on his pants gave it away.

The man gave me a toothy grin, showing that he was missing a few teeth. “It’s alright, dear. Say, are you alright?” His face softened, showing his concern for me. People manoeuvred their way around us, signalling that we should move out of the way.

I don’t know why I bothered explaining the man my issues, but I admired his concern for a complete stranger. We sat down on a nearby bench randomly placed by a store. “I’m far from alright, uhm,” I hesitated, wondering what the man’s name was.

“Carl,” he completed my sentence.

I introduced myself to Carl, and continued on with my story. “I’ve always been the type of person who kept people at a distance. I was always the quiet one, unable to have the courage to talk to people or be able to do anything that involved socializing. You see, I had lost my trust for someone and it really affected the way I acted in front of people. I built these walls so no one knew a lot about me. And then, I reconnected with one of my best friends, Cameron. He taught me how to break out of my shell. He was the only one who was able to break down my walls and learn my innermost secrets and feelings. And unfortunately for both for us, we fell for each other. I denied these feelings so many times. I was afraid.”

“Why would you deny and fear such a beautiful thing? Love is what makes this world go around.”

“I didn’t want to get hurt. I knew he could never hurt me, but I also believed that relationships can only last for so long. It’s bound to fall apart. So, the day he expressed his feelings, I pushed him so far away that we don’t even talk anymore.”

Carl studied my face, trying to comprehend everything I told him. “Don’t let the fear of getting hurt stop you from giving love a chance. So what if a guy hurt you in the past? Not every guy is like that and I’m sure this Cameron guy is nothing like him. In fact, Cameron seems to be quite special. He was able to trust you and you were able to trust him. Isn’t that what love is about? Being able to trust one other, make sacrifices, and accept each other? Isn’t that what you two shared with each other? If that isn’t love, well, I don’t know what it is then. But like I said, I believe you two could be quite special if you just tried and stepped out of your comfort zone.” Carl got up from the bench, picked up his belongings and dusted his pants. “Well, dear, thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best of luck in life and hope that you live a happy and healthy life that’s filled with love.”

I got up as well, embracing the man in a hug. His words changed it all. He was right. I was afraid of getting hurt and I just didn’t want to risk it. It’s what life is all about. Taking risks and giving things a chance. “Thank you so much, Carl. You’ve truly opened my eyes.” I let go of the man, watching him giving one last toothy grin. “Oh wait, I have something for you.” I searched in my pocket for change, but before I could hand it to him he disappeared. In fact, he was nowhere in sight. But he was right about everything. Sometimes we just need to step out of our comfort zone and let love in.