Hold on Tight and Don't Look Back

The car ride home was filled with painful silent stares as Ray and Gerard whispered to each other in the back seat. I really can’t see how any picture Gerard sent out could be that bad. I mean, what does he have on that phone? Some pictures of Drake, some of the guys, some of some random shit, and some from today, right? That’s not that bad, it could be a hundred times worse. I mean, hell, he could have sent out naked photos of himself to the whole world. Okay, so it’s not like he actually has any, but that’s not the point.

“Lexi,” Gerard interrupted my thoughts. “I sent out a picture from the shoot that has you in it,” he sighed.

“So, what’s the big deal? In a few days everyone’s going to see me anyways,” I turned around to smile at him.

“What’s the big deal,” Frank laughed. “Clearly you’re new at this. The big deal is that I’ve already had 237 fans tweet at me asking who the random girl was in the picture, if I was dating her, and why she was in the picture in the first place.”

“Just tell them I’m opening for you, and calm them down?” It seemed simple enough to me.

“I did,” Gerard looked up from his phone. “But they’re still bombarding us, they don’t believe me,” he sighed again.

“Just ignore them, we know the truth and that’s all that matters, right?” I smiled at him again. Honestly, I can’t really see what the problem is, it’s not like these people know us and are going to come stalk us or some nonsense.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” Gerard flashed me a fake smile as he went back to pecking away at the keys on his phone.

**

It’s been almost a week since Gerard’s picture incident and thing seem to be back to normal. Gerard isn’t walking around screaming profanities at his phone every time he gets a Twitter text, Frank isn’t always screaming “NO I’M NOT DATING HER!” to the computer screen, Ray isn’t constantly laughing at Gerard and Frank, I’m no longer the center of attention , and Mikey’s no longer freaking out about the fans. To be honest, I’m kind of sad that all the hype has died down, there hasn’t been a dull moment in this house for a long time and I’m all for cheap entertainment.

I pull the last of the puffy pink curlers out of my hair and give it a quick tease for added height. Perfect. I thought to myself. You look amazing; you’re definitely ready to hit the stage. My head certainly wasn’t lying, after all, what looks better on an 18 year old girl with perfect blonde curls than dark wash skinny jeans, a navy blue striped sweater, and black, knee-high boots. Okay, probably a lot, but whatever.

“Lex, are you ready?! We’re going to be late!” Mikey yelled up the stairs.

“Coming!” I yelled back as I lightly hopped from stair to stair. Today was the day, in a few short hours I’d be sitting on a little wooden stool on the Maxwell’s stage opening for My Chemical Romance. But for now, we’re going to do a radio interview. I wonder how this is going to go, I’ve never been interviewed before, for anything..maybe I’ll just zip my mouth shut.

“Someone’s excited for today,” Ray joked as he grabbed his guitar case off the floor.

“Yup! It’s going to be a great day and nothing is going to ruin it for me! Not even you, meanie Gerard!” I smiled as I poked his shoulder.

“I thought we were past that!” he poked me back before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a bear hug.

“We are, I just like to mess with you,” I pushed him off of me. “But, really, I can’t breathe, so you need to let go,” I smiled.

“Fine, fine, fun killer,” Gerard opened the front door, escorting all of us out into the car.

“Yup, that’s my best friend, she’s the fun killer!” Frank jumped out the front door, disregarding the two steps that lead to the walkway.

“Guys, how about we not insult my girlfriend?” Mikey handed me my guitar as he exited the house.

“How about we just make it through today without killing each other,” Ray stuck his head out the driver’s window of the car. “We’re going to be late, would you just get in already?!”

The ride to the radio studio was shorter than I anticipated and didn’t give me enough time to settle my nerves. I could feel the butterflies forming in my stomach as we took our seats in the tiny broadcasting room of the local alternative radio station.

“I’m Big Mike in the afternoon and I’m here with My Chemical Romance and a special guest,” the interview was starting, and the butterflies were only getting worse.

“Gerard, can you tell us about your special guest?” the host asked.

“Absolutely, the beautiful girl sitting beside me here is Alexa Murphy. She’s an extremely talented young lady and is actually going to be opening for us at Maxwell’s tonight. If you’re coming out to the show you’re in for a great time,” he smiled at me as he answered the question.

“So, Alexa, how did you end up meeting the guys? You’re not a crazy stalker fan, are you?” the host laughed, I didn’t find it very funny.

“No,” I chuckled. “My mom actually works with Gerard and Mikey’s aunt and she kind of just set it up,” I smiled at him, trying to seem enthusiastic.

“Oh, so a mutual connection?”

“Yes, you could say that,” I smiled again.

“Mikey, your fans are up in arms about a picture of you on the couch with Alexa and a black dog that’s making its way around the Internet. What do you have to say about that?” Shit, I thought as he asked Mikey the question that obviously crossed the line. Someone must have hacked my e-mail and gotten that, unless my mom decided to put it on Facebook. Shit, shit, shit.

“Alexa and I are just friends. We were just hanging out at home and she wanted a picture to send to her mother,” Mikey’s tone was full of anger and hatred towards the interviewer.

“Alright, alright, chill out man,” he was laughing, it’s a shame the rest of us weren’t.

The remainder of the interview went about in basically the same fashion. “Big Mike” kept asking questions that none of us wanted to answer, so we gave him a piece of our mind. I think he got agitated because he politely ended the interview early and sent us on our merry way.

“That guy as a total tool,” Gerard laughed as we sat on the couch in the backroom of Maxwell’s.

“I know, he kept asking so many ridiculous questions,” Frank was standing in the corner practicing guitar when he decided to join in on the fun.

“You know I only denied our relationship to protect you from the fans, right?” Mikey was smiling at me as he held my hand. “I know, there’s some crazy ass bitches in this world,” I smiled back at him.

“Alexa to the stage, Alexa to the stage!” a booming voice came over the intercom.

“It’s time!” Frank was jumping up and down once again. “It’s time, it’s time, it’s time!”

“You’re going to do great, Lexi,” Ray smiled as he handed me my guitar. I stood up, still holding Mikey’s hand, pulling him with me as I grabbed my guitar from Ray. “Thanks,” I smiled at him.

“Good luck,” Mikey kissed my head as he walked me to the stage. He gently let his hand fall from mine and I slowly took a few steps towards the stool in the middle of the giant, black platform.

The spotlights were bright, blinding me to the audience. I could hear a few people screaming my name and I felt a smile come across my face. The roar of the crowd became louder and louder as I sat down on the stool and placed my guitar on my lap.

“This song’s called Midnight Dreamer,” I said into the microphone. I placed my fingers on the cold frets and allowed my pick to start to strum the strings. “I woke up, at midnight, the view outside was painful, and broken, the snow was falling, your friends were calling here. ‘Have you seen him? Where did he go?’ ” Before I knew it I was completely comfortable with the audience and I was singing my heart out to the crowd. “The shotgun was on the ground, but you were nowhere to be found, that’s when I saw her there. Hands covered in blood, placed over her heart,” I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this, but I really couldn’t believe that the kids were actually enjoying it. “You say it was better off this way, you took away the pain, but did you ever stop and think, you were slowly killing me?”

I played the remaining two songs of my introductory set with precision and pride, slowly allowing myself to loosen up and enjoy the feeling of being on stage. I took a bow before I made my final exit and thanked the crowd for a great night.

“You were absolutely amazing! They loved you!” Mikey me at the end of the stage and slowly spun me into a tight hug.

“That was kind of scary,” I smiled at him, I felt safe admitting my inner coward to him.

“It always is the first time, but it’ll get better,” he let me go. “You know you’re doing the finale tonight, right?” he smiled.

“I didn’t, but I do now,” I laughed as Gerard, Ray, and Frank rounded the corner.

“That was great!” they said in unison.

“Thanks, guys,” I ran over to them, embracing them in a group hug.

“My Chemical Romance to the stage!” the booming voice spoke again.

The guys grabbed their instruments and microphones and walked out to a screaming crowd. Frank was jumping around like an idiot while Mikey quietly stood in the back laughing to himself. Gerard sang song after song with beautiful, precise vocals, and Ray played his heart out like he does every day.

“Before we say goodbye for the night, we’d like to invite a special friend out to play with us,” Gerard spoke into his microphone, his voice was booming as he smiled at me from center stage.

Frank looked over at me and mouthed the words “that’s your cue” before I grabbed my guitar and made my way to stage to plug it in. I was fumbling with my guitar strap, trying to get it to go around my back over my sweater when I heard a fan yelling rather loudly from the front row.

“The only reason that god damn bitch is even on this stage is because Mikey is fucking her. We all know it, don’t deny it you dicks!”

Oh my god. I cannot take this. This isn’t happening. What would lead someone to even think of that! I was fighting with my inner thoughts as I felt warm tears and mascara begin to stain my cheeks. Maybe he’s right, maybe you are only here because you’re with Mikey, maybe it’s all a joke. No, Lexi, you can’t think that, he’d never do that, this is just a mean, jealous tool, it’s all okay, don’t let him get to you. I felt my hand lose its grip on my guitar strap before I heard it crash to the ground. I let my feet carry me off the stage as I could feel the tears coming faster and faster. Just when I thought everything was going good for once, it has to go and get fucked up again. Welcome to my life.