Hold on Tight and Don't Look Back

“I want to teach her my guitar parts!” Frank said, staring up at Ray with the classic puppy dog face.

“No, mine are much cooler, why should she want to learn yours?” Ray had Frank in a headlock.

“Guys, guys, chill, I’ll just teach her bass and then there’s no reason to argue,” Mikey smiled.

“Oh no you’re not!,” Frank said. “Who needs a bass line anyways?” Frank wiggled his way out of the headlock and wrestled Mikey to the ground.

“Guy, knock it off. I’m sick of this crap,” Gerard pushed Ray out of the way and made his way to the back of the bus.

“What’s his deal?” I asked.

I’m slightly worried about Gerard. Ever since the snowball fight yesterday he doesn’t seem like himself. It’s like something is bothering him but he won’t talk to us about it.

“He’s probably just tired, he’ll be okay,” Mikey answered. The tension was evident by his tone of voice, I could tell he was concerned about his brother. “He gets like this, it’s how he’s always been.”

My overly curious mind started to come up with scenarios to explain Gerard’s lack of interest and downright bad attitude. Perhaps he hasn’t had enough coffee the past few days, maybe he hasn’t gotten enough sleep, it’s possible that he and Mikey are fighting about something..no that’s not it, maybe he doesn’t want me here, maybe I’m the problem. I mean, I’m just some girl who their aunt kind of knows, and now I’m on their bus with them. Why would he want me here, I’m probably just in the way.

“Lex, are you okay? You’ve been sitting there quiet forever. Is something bothering you?” Mikey asked. I could see sadness in his eyes, it was like a glaze covering up the window to his soul.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just tend to stare into space sometimes, sorry.” Are you kidding me? I wasn’t okay. Gerard doesn’t want me here. It’s clear that I’m the reason for his recent crabbiness. How could I be okay? My idol, my hero doesn’t want me around.

“Ready to learn how to shred?” Frank was smiling, he startled me. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice he had picked up a guitar and sat down next to me.

I got up from the couch and picked up my Gibson Les Paul from its stand. It’s white, pearly, and it’s beautiful. I threw the strap around my neck and returned to my place on the couch.

“Let’s do it,” I smiled.

Frank and I spent the next two hours playing guitar. We were completely ignorant to what was going on around us, absorbed in the music cascading from our instruments. He had taught me how to play his parts to my two favorite songs, I’m Not Okay, and Thank You For The Venom, I was happy once again.

We were so immersed in our playing that both Frank and I failed to notice Gerard’s emergence from the back of the bus.

“You catch on fast,” he smiled at me. “You brought along your viola, right?”

“Of course, it’s my first great love,” I laughed.
“Could you teach me how to play it?” Gerard looked down at the ground like a child hiding a secret from his mother.

“Sure, I’d love to,” I jumped up from where I was sitting, thrilled by the idea of spreading my love to someone who can share it with the world.

“Gerard, you hate playing stringed instruments. You hated playing violin in the fourth grade. Why on Earth do you want to learn to play viola?” Mikey almost seemed like he was being defensive, not that he has anything to be defensive about.

“Because, Mikey, I just want to,” Gerard snapped at his brother.

“Alright, whatever,” Mikey grabbed his iPod from his pocket and put his headphones in. He was obviously done with the conversation.

“I’ll go grab the viola, you stay here,” Gerard instructed me.

Gerard’s Point of View
Okay, so maybe Mikey is right. Maybe I do hate the violin, and all orchestral instruments. But, is it such a crime for me to want to spend some time with Lexi, too? I don’t think it is. I just have to get creative with how I go about it. I can’t help it if I love the way her blonde hair falls around her face and her bangs hide her beautiful blue eyes. I’m not quite sure what it is, but there’s just something about her that sets her apart from all the other girls I’ve met. Perhaps it’s the fact that her one true passion in life is music, or maybe it’s the simple fact that she didn’t scream like a little girl when she met us. Either way, I’ve got to get to know her, I just have to. That’s why I’ve been so tense recently. Mikey just parades her around like he owns her and doesn’t even give the rest of us a shot. What kind of crap is that?

I make my way down the hallway towards the storage closet at the back of the bus. I grab the viola, in its tiny case, and walk back towards the living area with a smile on my face. It was devious, what I was doing, but it’s necessary. So far, my plan was working. Now, the goal is to successfully fail at playing the viola. That way, I have to spend more time getting lessons from Lexi.

Here goes nothing, I thought to myself as I sat down on the couch next to her. I could see Mikey rolling his eyes in disapproval as he made himself a cup of coffee.

As Lexi began to explain the ins and outs of her beautiful wooden instrument I began to lose myself in the sea of her big blue eyes, the waves were pulling me farther and farther away from shore, farther away from the reality that she could never be mine.

Mikey’s Point of View
Something is really bugging Gerard lately. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I’d really appreciate it if he got over it. His rude attitude is bringing all of us down, and I can tell it’s aggravating Lexi. She basically gave up her life to come out on the road with us, and Gerard sure isn’t giving her a very warm welcome. To put it simply, he’s being a total asshole. I think the dictionary should change the definition of asshole to Gerard Way. It’s only fitting. That boy has got some nerve asking her to teach him how to play the viola when he and I both know that he hates orchestra instruments with every fiber of his being. They’re just not his thing. What’s even worse is that she played into it and has been trying to teach him how to play for almost two hours now and has gotten nowhere. Either Gerard is really that stupid, or he’s purposely failing.

I left the living room a while back, I couldn’t stand to sit there and watch him play her like that. “I don’t understand, could you explain again?” was his response to everything she told him. How can you not understand that you put your finger on the little tape on the neck of the viola? It’s not that hard, honestly a two year old could do it.

I’m going to figure out what his problem is if it’s the last thing I do. I’m not going to let him ruin what could be the best relationship I’ve ever had.

I could hear Lexi tell Gerard that she was going to bed but he was welcome to continue practicing. I rolled over in my bunk so she wouldn’t know I was eavesdropping on her and Gerard.

“Mikey?” she asked. The end of my bed began to slowly sink into the frame as she sat down.

“How were the lessons?” I asked her as I repositioned myself so I could sit up.

“They were fine, I guess. I think something’s going on with your brother, he’s just not himself. Not that I have room to say that, really, but I’m going to anyway.”

“No, I totally agree. He’s very tense, and he just seems angry.” I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks something’s up with Gerard.

“The whole time I was trying to teach him he just kept staring at me and saying it didn’t make sense. How can it not make sense, I made it as easy as possible for him,” Lexi put her head down and I could see tears start to form in her eyes.

“It’s not you, it’s him. You’re not a bad teacher, he’s a bad student who has an incredibly bad attitude. Don’t worry, I’m going to get to the bottom of this.”

“Okay, it’s just, I think it’s me. Maybe he doesn’t want me here.” She was really crying now. “Maybe I’m causing him to be mean because he doesn’t like me and wants me to go home.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that. If he, or any of the rest of us, didn’t want you here we would have never asked you to come along with us. He wants you here. More importantly, I want you here,” I pulled her into my arms, I could feel her tears soaking my shirt.

“Really” she asked, looking up at me and wiping her tears.

“Yes, I will always want you here with me.”

It was at that moment that Gerard decided to make his way to his bunk. The look of despair that came across his face as he saw Lexi wrapped in my arms gave him away. He likes her, I just know he does. His eyes look like they’re going to burn a hole in me. He’s jealous.