Fools Rush In

I sat staring at my bedroom door. Not sure about what to do.

I couldn’t believe this.

How could I have let this happen?

How could I have been so stupid?

I don’t even think he was wearing a condom that night.

God how stupid could I get right now!?

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. Everything was spinning and I was starting to feel dizzy and sick. I common feeling these days.

A loud bang erupted from the balcony of my room and I looked over to see my best friend of a long ass time sprawled out on my balcony floor blowing her hair out of her eyes.

“You know there’s a door right?”

“Shut-up Anber!”

I just shook my head and walked over to where my best friend, Grace, was sitting up shaking her hair out. She looked up at me and her expression changed instantly.

“You okay Anber?”

“Yeah I’m fine. Just nervous about an upcoming project for class”

“Yeah that was a flat out lie”

“I don’t’ want to talk about it right now”

“Fine. Wanna go bug Isabella?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Isabella was my other best friend and Grace just loved to bug her. Grace and Isabella just naturally butted heads but when the tough got going they stopped fighting and worked together.

I sighed and looked down at Grace who was smiling up at me, hope in her eyes.

“No I…I just don’t feel good today”

Grace just gave me a look that said yeah right before getting up and brushing off her jeans.

“Yeah well I’m going to leave you before I kick the truth out of you”

With that Grace headed for the door to my bedroom and proceeded to open it. She threw one last look over her shoulder.

“Don’t make me come back here and kick the truth out of you”

Please don’t…

I just smiled at her to which she just growled at me and shut my door. I heard her leave out the front door after yelling hi to my parents. I went and sat back down on my bed.

I felt like shit and Grace kicking the truth out of me just might kill what that truth was.

I took a deep breath and stood up only to run to the bathroom where I kneeled at the toilet. Only once I was there the feeling of nausea left me. I stood up and groaned before walking back out to my room.
That night kept coming back to me and so did my current situation.

I sighed and walked to my closet before pulling out a pair of jeans and a random t-shirt. I changed into both and rummaged through my closet for a pair of shoes. I grabbed them and pulled them on before grabbing my favorite black and silver stripped cardigan. I threw it on to fend off the coming autumn chill.
I threw a grey beanie onto my hair and grabbed my flower clutch type purse and headed for the door. I walked downstairs and opened the door shouting out to my parents that I would be back soon. I shut the door and headed off to the pharmacy.

I needed to get something and I was freaking out over it. I didn’t want to have to buy this but I had no other choice. I couldn’t deny the facts that were staring me straight in the face.

About ten minutes later I arrived at the only CVS in town. I walked inside and wondered over to the pharmacy section of the store. I looked around and soon found the aisle with all the tests I needed to look at. I walked slowly down the aisle breathing deeply.

I don’t want to be here

I took a shaky breath before turning to stare those little boxes in the face. I scanned over all of them and I felt the panic start up again inside of me.

Without even really looking I grabbed four boxes off of the shelf and rushed to the counter. I grabbed a bag of my favorite chips and soda on the way there.

I just about tossed everything onto the counter and kept glancing around nervously while the girl behind the counter checked me out.

I just didn’t want anyone I knew to come in here and see what I was buying.

I’d rather my parents NOT find out about this like that

Once I was checked out I started on the walk back to my house. I wrapped my arms around myself and kept a death grip on the bag in my hand.

I fought to keep the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

I rushed down the street towards my house praying that I wouldn’t run into any of my neighbors. I didn’t feel like being stopped right about now. That was the one thing I hated most about living in a relatively small town. Everyone knew your business and everyone would tell everyone else. If a neighbor saw me upset they would call my parents up a.s.a.p. and when I would get home I would be bombarded with questions.

Thankfully I made it home without anyone seeing me.

I opened the door and started up the stairs before I almost ran into my older brother.

“Woah you okay there Anberlin?”

I looked up at my big brother, Matthew, and shrugged my shoulders.

“I don’t know. Just tired I guess”

Matt just raised an eyebrow before pulling me into a hug. He passed me on the stairs.

“I’d stay to get it out of you but I’m already late for work.”

“It’s okay”

It really is…

I walked into my room and shut the door before sitting down on my bed. I kicked off my shoes and took my cardigan off. I pulled out my bag of chips and started to munch on them despite my upset stomach. I also pulled out my soda and took a few swigs before setting it down.

I don’t know how long I just sat there until I couldn’t hold my pee in any longer.

I grabbed the bag and walked into my bathroom. I shut and locked the door before dumping the contents of the bag onto the counter. Inside of it were four boxes of home pregnancy tests.

I took a shaky breath and just grabbed one of the boxes, browsing the information there. Once I knew what to do I took two of the tests. I waited the five minutes it would take for the test to process. While I waited I sat on the toilet, my legs moving nonstop.

When the alarm on my phone went off I turned it off and slowly stood up. I turned to face the counter where the tests were sitting.

I took a deep breath before I looked down at the two tests sitting there. I instantly broke down crying. I fell to the floor of my bathroom and started to cry my eyes out. I felt so alone and didn’t know what to do.

I was pregnant…

I was carrying a little baby inside of me all because I had been stupid and careless one night. One drunken night and here I was with a baby growing inside of me.

I just lay curled up in the fetal position on the floor of my bathroom for a long time. I don’t even know how long it was. Just that when I did get up I immediately threw up and cried some more.

How could I have been so fucking stupid?

How the hell was I going to tell Declan?