Fools Rush In

~~~~ One Week Later ~~~~

I woke up with a start and ran for my bathroom. I made it just in time to puke up the contents of my stomach. So far every day this week I’d ended up getting really sick.

I wasn’t enjoying this at all and I had to force myself to go to my classes. Grace and Isabella could CLEARLY tell that something was up but they also knew that i just didn’t want to talk about it at all right now.

I sat back on my heels and wiped my mouth off. I leaned my head back and sighed.

“What am I going to fucking do now?”

Another wave of nausea washed over me so I leaned back and puked some more before I was done. I wiped my mouth again and flushed the toilet. My face was streaked with tears again as I trudged back to my bed. I fell into bed and rolled onto my side. I pulled the covers up and tried to fall back asleep to no prevail.

I was just staring at the wall my thoughts going a thousand miles a minute. I slowly sat up and looked at my dresser.

I stood up and made my way over to it. I opened the top drawer and dug around until I found what I was looking for. I pulled out the wooden keepsake box and set it on top of my dresser. I rummaged around my dresser until I found the key, which I used to unlock the box.

I turned on the lap on my dresser so that I could look at what was in my box. I kept a lot of things in here like small mementos and various concert tickets.

But it was hiding something else now…something bigger than anything else I’ve ever kept hidden away.

Even from myself

I pulled out each of the four pregnancy tests and placed them in a row on my dresser. I had taken the other two tests two days ago hoping that they would be negative but they weren’t.

They were fucking positive.

I heard movement outside my door in the hallway so I quickly put the tests back in the box and shut the lid. I fumbled with the lock for a few seconds before it locked. I put it back in the dresser and covered it with stuff. I turned off the light and jumped back into bed.

The movement moved away from my door and I sighed in relief.

I tried going back to sleep but I wasn’t able to still. I looked up at my ceiling and sighed heavily.

Everything kept coming back to that night almost two months ago. The night that I let Declan talk me into going to a party and having some fun before the fall semester started up.

Declan was always pushing me to go out and party it up and for once I allowed him to drag me along. He was always out partying and having a good time while I was more studious. But I was tired of always being good and I honestly just wanted to drink and have a good time.

I had a little too much fun though…

I know Declan hadn’t wanted things to go the way they did. We had started out together but soon we were separated and I just hung out and talked to a couple girls I knew from a class last semester. Later once we were both getting pretty tipsy we bumped into each other. We drank some more and yelled at each other over the music.

I remember him yelling at me and asking if I was having fun. To which I had just screamed back hell yeah. That had made Declan laugh.

We continued to drink and yell at each other over the music when he finally asked if I wanted to get some fresh air. I gladly accepted and we left the house stumbling as we went. I ended up hanging on to Declan while we walked away from the party house and to the beach that was at the back door of the house.

We started to walk along the beach just talking nonsense when we finally sat down on the sand and laughed out asses off for no apparent reason.

It was hard not to have a good time around Declan. He was just that kind of guy who got everyone hyped up and loving life.

I was glad that I had let him bring me out. It was nice to let loose and have some fun.

Maybe that was why I kissed him…

Yes I know I kissed him first but I was drunk off my ass and he just looked really hot in the moonlight coming off the water.

I was immediately embarrassed though and I looked away, my face on fire.

I had mumbled an apology only to have Declan turn my head with his hand and crash his lips onto mine. We were making out in no time and not long after that we were both naked and he was inside of me.

It felt so good even though it was really wrong. This wasn’t the type of girl I was. I didn’t get drunk and hook up with some random guy, although Declan was anything BUT random.

However my emotions had gotten the best of me with the way he was kissing me and touching me that I had let it happen.

We BOTH let it happen…

Once we had both come we quickly got dressed and he walked me home.

Neither one of us said anything nor when we reached my house I had started to sober up a little bit. I didn’t want to wake my parents up so Declan helped me climb up to the balcony of my room. He helped me into bed and climbed back out my balcony and to the ground.

I haven’t spoken to him since.

In all honestly I thought he didn’t remember that night. It came and went in my mind and I didn’t know how drunk he was or how much he remembered from when he was drunk.

I remembered most of it.

Especially when I woke up with sand everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE! I spent a while in the shower trying to get all of the sand off of my body before swallowing a bunch of pills and going back to bed.

That was when the sex hit me.

And it was still hitting me now; almost two months later.

But now for different reasons.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered out to my dark room. It felt so real once I had said it out loud.

I started crying again then so I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

At the back of my mind I knew that I couldn’t avoid it any longer. I needed to tell Declan that he was going to be a father. I needed to tell him what had happened. I needed to know what he thought. I needed to know what he would do.

But in all honesty….

I just needed him to hold me right now…

~~~~ Next Morning ~~~~

I yawned and proceeded to wash my face.

I was exhausted from lack of sleep but I needed to get this over with.

I had no idea what to do right now. I needed Declan to help me figure this all out. I needed him to help me figure out what the hell we were going to do.

I just hope he believes me…

I straightened out my hair and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I couldn’t help but notice that my lower abdomen was slightly firmer than usual. I just took a deep breath and pushed away the tears building in my eyes.

I dug out a pair of flats and rummaged through my jewelry. I put on a cassette tape necklace and some simple snowflake shaped earrings. I put on a leather bracelet and a simple black heart ring. I grabbed my black clutch and headed for the door, grabbing my phone on my way out.

Today was Thursday and I didn’t have any classes today. I also knew that Declan didn’t, because we would sometimes meet up on Thursdays to catch up every now and then. I pulled out my car keys and got into my car. I started it up and headed over to Declan’s apartment. He lived on the opposite side of town right near the college where we both went.

I pulled into a guest spot and got out locking my car behind me. I started to walk up to Declan’s apartment building when I saw his roommate and best friend, Frank, exiting the building. He had his backpack on and was fiddling with something in his hands.

He noticed me when we got closer to each other. His face broke into a huge smile and he waved at me, “What’s going on An An!?”

I rolled my eyes at his nickname for me.

“Fine. Um…is Declan in the apartment?”

“Yeah he is”

I said thanks to Frank and headed for the building. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and stood in front of his door.

It took everything I had to knock on the door. I heard some muffled noises on the other side of the door. They came closer until I heard locks being turned. The door opened and there stood a slightly sleepy Declan in only boxer shorts.

His eyes widened when he saw me and he gulped.

“Anberlin”

“Declan”

“What…what are you doing here?”

“I..l need to talk to you”

“Okay”

Declan stood back and let me into his apartment. I looked around it and shook my head. It was a hot fucking mess like always.

I turned around to look at Declan.

“Aren’t you ever going to actually CLEAN this place?”

He just shrugged his shoulders. I, however, was letting my eyes travel up and down his body. From his pierced lip to his skinny frame to his tanned skin to his hips and to the top of his boxers…

I quickly shook my head and looked at Declan. He was scratching the back of his neck nervously.

My eyes started to roam his body again so I turned away from him.

“Can you please put some clothes on?”

“Huh?”

“Can you put some clothes on please?”

“Oh…um…yeah sure I’ll be right back then”

Declan turned and walked away. I stayed where I was and took a bunch of deep breaths.

Because this wasn’t awkward at all

I heard a bunch of noise from behind me before I heard Declan walking back into the living room area where I was currently standing.

I turned around to see him walking in while pulling a shirt over his head. He had thrown on a pair of sweatpants and was now pulling on some random band t-shirt.

He ran his hands through his hair before moving to clean off a space on one of his couches for me to sit down.

“Here”

“Thanks”

I sat down and crossed my legs setting my clutch next to me on the couch. Declan cleared off a space on the couch adjacent to the one I was sitting on. He started to sit down when he jumped up quickly.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Wha…oh no I’m good”

Declan nodded his head.

“But go ahead and get yourself something”

Declan nodded his head again and walked into the kitchen I heard the fridge open and shut. I sat looking around at the living room. There were papers, clothes, food, plates, glasses, and a bunch of other shit all over the damn place.

I sighed heavily.

How could I even begin to expect him to help with a kid when he’s this messy?

Declan came back in holding a beer in one hand and a water bottle in the other. He held out the water bottle to me.

“What?”

“Here. You look really nervous; you should drink some water. At least take the bottle so I don’t feel so bad drinking in front of you”

He shook the bottle a little bit in front of me so I slowly reached out my hand and took it from his. Our fingers touched and that night came back to me once again.

Declan moved away and sat down on the other couch. He popped open his beer and took a swig from it.

“So what brings you here?”

“I…um…do…”

I looked up at Declan to see him staring intently at me.

“Do you remember that night?”

Something flashed across Declan’s face and he gulped.

“Do you mean…that night…with…the party…and the beach?”

“…yes…”

Declan nodded his head yes before taking a long swig of his beer.

“Do You?”

“More than you can possibly imagine”

Declan raised an eyebrow at me before taking another swig of his beer.

I fiddled with my water bottle before looking back at him. He was staring at his beer in his hands.

“Why didn’t you…like…say anything to me after that?”

“I didn’t know if you remembered that night or not. I…I know we were both drunk off our asses. I was just too scared to ask you if you remembered anything from that night”

I shifted in my seat and started peeling off the label on the water bottle.

“Are you okay Anberlin?”

I just shook my head no.

“What’s wrong?”

I guess it’s now or never. At least he remembers that night

“I…I’m…”

Declan scooted to the edge of the couch and set his beer down on the table. I felt vomit rising in my throat.

“I have to go”

I stood up quickly dropped the water bottle to the floor where it rolled away. I headed for the door but Declan was faster. He jumped in front of me and blocked my way to the door.

“What is going on Anberlin?”

“No…nothing…why would you even ask?”

“OH I don’t know. You show up randomly and ask me if I remember that night and then you just say you have to go. You look like you’re gonna get sick what’s wrong with you today?”

I swallowed the vomit that was rising in my throat and took a deep breath.

“Something happened that night…”

Declan looked at me confused, “Well yeah I know that something happened I was sort of there”

I shook my head vigorously.

“No something else”

“What then?”

I looked Declan straight in the eyes and spoke all in a rush, “I’mpregnantandit’syours”

Declan raised an eyebrow and stared at me, “What?”

“I’m pregnant Declan…and it’s yours…”

Declan stared at me for a good few seconds before his rolled into the back of his head and he fainted.

“Well that went well”