Fools Rush In

Yeah this is just fucking peachy

I kneeled down next to Declan and poked his chest a couple times.

Nada.

I tapped his cheek and even pinched his cheeks but nothing was getting him up. I mean I know he sleeps like a rock but come on!

I huffed and sat back on my heels blowing my bangs out of my face. I looked around and spotted the water bottle I had torn the label off of. I reached over Declan’s still body and grabbed the water bottle. I unscrewed the cap and poured the water out onto Declan’s face.

He jerked awake instantly and shot up shaking his head causing water to fly all over. Therefore I had specks of water all over the front of me but I didn’t really care.

At least he’s awake now

Declan looked around shocked then his eyes fell on me.

“Hey…”

“What the fuck happened?”

“Um….you fainted”

Declan looked around and it was then that he noticed he was sitting on the ground with me kneeling next to him. He looked at me confused.

“Why…what…why the hell did I faint?”

I just gulped and fiddled with the now empty water bottle in my hands. I watched Declan out of the corner of my eyes and I saw his eyes go from confusion to shock in a matter of seconds. He looked at me with his mouth gaping open.

I looked up at him and saw how wide his eyes were. They traveled from my face, to my stomach, to my face, stomach, and face again before he said anything.

“No…An…no…you…you’re….”

“…pregnant…” I offered seeing as he was having some difficulty saying the word.

Declan just nodded his head yes and pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

“Shit”

“Yeah…”

We sat in silence there for a few minutes before Declan dropped his hands and looked over at me.

“And it’s mine?”

I just glared at Declan and threw the empty water bottle at his face, “Of course it’s fucking yours Declan! How can you eve think to ask that!?”

Declan held out his hands towards me in a sign of surrender.

“Calm down Anberlin I…I was just making sure. I…I know you wouldn’t be here telling me if it wasn’t mine I just…my guy reflex kicked in there sorry”

I sighed and sat down on my butt and stared at my hands in my lap.

I heard Declan sigh, “What do we do now?”

“I don’t know…”

“How…how long have you known?”

“A week…”

I felt Declan’s hard stare at me before he looked away.

“Well fuck”

“I know…”

“What the fuck are we going to do?”

I looked up to meet Declan’s gaze. We locked eyes.

“I’m not getting an abortion. I’m NOT killing an innocent life. It’s not its fault its parents got stupid and drunk one night and had sex without protection or anything”

Declan hung his head at that and slammed his fist into his knee.

“Don’t remind me. I felt shitty enough as it is now I just feel even shittier. And I would never ask you to do an abortion either. I’m against them too”

I sighed again and wiped away a few stray tears that I didn’t even know why they were falling in the first place.

“So that just leaves two options then”

“Being?”

“Adoption…or keeping it”

Declan looked at me seriously, “Do you want to keep it?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know…I just found out and…I don’t know Declan. Everything is just…God I don’t know”

I started to cry and brought my hands up to wipe away the tears only to have my hands pulled away and Declan pulling me into his chest. He rocked me gently and rubbed my back until I had calmed down.

Declan helped me stand up and sat me back down on the couch. He left the room for a few minutes and came back with a coke can. He popped the top and told me to let it get flat before I drank any of it. He left to go change out of his now wet clothes in his room. I just sat there twiddling my thumbs and looking around at the messy apartment that was the father of my child’s.

He came back minutes later in a pair of semi-skinny jeans and a t-shirt. He was also carrying his laptop. He sat down where he had been sitting and chugged the rest of his beer. He turned on his laptop and started typing away at it. I just watched him, unsure of what was going on.

After a little bit Declan starting moving things around in search of something.

I was more than a little bit confused at this point in time.

“What are you looking for?”

“My phone”

“Why?”

“I wanna call this place”

“What place,” I was starting to get really nervous. He said he didn’t want an abortion either so it couldn’t be a clinic for that. And nothing else had been decided.

What is he trying to call?

The anticipation was starting to kill me so I just pulled out my phone from my pocket and held it out to him.

“Here”

Declan took it from me and started to punch in the phone number.

“What are you calling?”

“This free clinic one town over. It’s an hour drive but I can drive you there. I’m taking it you haven’t gone to a doctor yet?”

I just shook my head and looked away from him.

I heard him taping on his laptop before he started speaking on the phone to someone. I wasn’t even listening I was just trying to gather all of my thoughts into something coherent. The BIG thing right now is whether I was going to be keeping this baby or not. I was already about two months along and nowhere near ready to be a mom. But something deep inside of me was telling me to just keep the baby and raise it.

Declan’s voice broke me out of my train of thought and back to reality.

“Huh?”

“They can fit us in today if we leave right now. It’s up to you though. Did you wanna get checked out today or another day soon?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess I better do it sooner than later huh?”

“I was thinking the same thing”

He went back to his phone conversation and I stood up and slowly started walking around his place. If I decided to keep it and Declan wanted to be a part of it’s like more so than just money he would need to clean this place up.

Not to mention grow up a little bit more

A few minutes later Declan was on the hunt for a pair of shoes while I stood and sipped on my now flat coke. I didn’t even really know what was going on. Just that I was so confused and lost and I was glad that Declan was taking charge right now, because I didn’t know shit about what to do right now.

I’m a fucking mess right now

Declan ended up using my phone to call his. It was buried underneath a pile of clothes in his room. How he managed to do that I don’t know and frankly I don’t think I want to know.

Declan led me out to his car and held the door open for me. Can you guess what his car was like?

That’s right a big ‘ol mess. He apologized for it and tried to clear some of it away by throwing it into the back seat. He started his car up and turned on his phone so that he could have the directions to this clinic.

The hour long ride there was mainly silent except for a few remarks or questions. I think everything was still settling in for us. I watched Declan out of the corner of my eye the majority of the ride there. He was focused on the road but I could tell his eyes were filled with many different emotions. He also kept gripping the steering wheel really tightly then letting it go.

We arrived at the pregnancy clinic and Declan followed me with a look of pure nervousness on his face. We entered and walked up to the front desk. The receptionist checked us in and not long after we were being led back to an exam room.

A doctor came in not long after and did an exam on me and took a blood sample to make sure I was pregnant.

While we waited for that result to come back Declan finally spoke, “Is it bad that I’m scared beyond reason right now?”

I looked at him confused, “What?”

“I’m scared shitless right now Anberlin. I can’t take care of a baby. Look at me I can barely take care of myself!”

“And you think I’m ready to take care of a baby?”

“You’re better off than I am”

I went to reply when the door opened and in walked the doctor.

“Well you are indeed pregnant Ms. Huff”

“Okay”

“I would like to take an ultra sound just to make sure everything looks good so far. I have some pre-natal vitamins for you but if they make you sick then take two chewable Flintstone vitamins. They work just as well.

I just nodded my head while the doctor prepped me for the ultrasound. Declan sat on a stool close to me and looked around nervously.

“Is this the father?”

“Yeah”

The doctor just nodded her head and turned the machine on. There on the screen was….well I couldn’t see anything really but the doctor pointed out the small baby that was growing in my stomach. Suddenly I felt Declan take my hand and give it a squeeze. I looked over at him and smiled reassuringly. He returned the smile and we both turned back to the screen.

The doctor printed out a couple photos for us and gave us a bunch of papers and information on adoption and taking care of a baby to help us in our decision.

We rode back to town in silence once again.

When we reached Declan’s apartment the sun had set and I needed to get home.

“So…what now?”

I shifted in my seat, “I don’t know”

“Do you want to keep it?”

“I don’t know”

Declan ran his hands over his face and sighed heavily.

“Fuck I don’t know either”

“Maybe…maybe we should both take some time and think about it?”

Declan looked at me and thought it over.

“Yeah…yeah that sounds good”

“Okay sooooo….”

“Well how about this,” Declan turned to face me, “we both don’t have class on Thursday so how about we meet at the Starbucks next Thursday and see if we both have a better idea on what we want to do. That gives us a week to think. No communication until then. Sound good to you?”

“Yeah it actually does”

“Okay. Do you need a ride home or what?”

I shook my head now, “No I drove here”

“Okay let me walk you to your car then”

We got out of Declan’s car and headed over to mine. Once we reached it I turned around to look at Declan. I couldn’t help it but I hugged him. I just needed reassurance right now. I just needed to know that he was really there and I wasn’t alone.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. He rubbed my back kissed my cheek.

“It’s okay Anberlin. Everything will be okay in the end. We’ll figure everything out”

I just nodded my head against his shoulder before pulling back and climbing behind the wheel of my car. Declan watched me as I drove away. I made it home but thankfully my parents were both gone at a dinner party down the street and my brother was out with friends.

I went up to my room and hid everything the doctor had given me under my bed. I changed into shorts and a tank top before climbing into bed. I grabbed my stuffed animal and stared out my balcony window.

I had a week to try to decide what I wanted to do. Whether I wanted to keep this baby or give it up for adoption. I just knew I was going to be weighing all the pros and cons again and again and again this entire week.

I wonder if Declan’s gonna be as crazy this week as I will be?