He walks me through the doors, to the rest of my life
He walks me through the doors, to the rest of my l
I lie here, in his arms, its perfect, like life should be, but never is. I love him. I fell in love at a young age, we are just 18. But I wear the engagement ring he gave me, when he asked me to marry him just a week ago. My parents don’t like the situation, but live with it. Losing my sister just over 2 years ago taught them a important lesson. Just because I, a male love another male, shouldn’t matter.
His parents though, hate it. He got kicked out of home, we live in an apartment together, which my parents mostly pay for. His arms read the battles he has been though in life, he can tell me about why he made each cut, I wish I could take them away. He hasn’t picked up a razor to use in that way since we started going out, and that’s one thing I’m proud to say I helped him with. He loves me, I know he does, it’s one thing I believe in, the good lord gave us to each other.
My sister.
She was my best friend, do you know how hard it is to watch your TWIN sister being lowered into the ground. He wasn’t there then, but now we lay next to my sister, I come to see her at least one a week, and I started bringing him with me 3 months into our relationship. He knows her as well as I do, he lets me talk about her all the time. He says he loves her like a sister too, I know she would have loved him.
We lie there for a few hours, just talking to my sister, about our engagement, about the plans for the wedding, which we already decided will be in little under a year, on the same date we got engaged. About how life is, about how I’m happy, but I miss her so much. We play her some music. It was her favourite thing in life. She hardly went out with out her music. Today we decide on four letter lie. They where a all time favourite of hers. This day is perfect. No words need to be spoken.
I’m falling asleep when he reminds me we have some were to be. I don’t want to go, I don’t want to know, he says we have to, he takes my hand and pulls me up, picking the blanket. We say bye to my sister and walk off. Hoping in the car, we drive away from the cemetery, towards the city, towards my future. He flicks his ipod on to random, and reality hits me in the face, as Gerard way’s voice pours through the speakers. He flicks it over to the next song, looks over at me as I let a tear slide down my check, he takes my hand and tells me he’s sorry, he wont tell me its going to be ok, because all we have been through in life, we know it might not be. We spend the rest on the car ride silent. Looking straight ahead.
We pull into the parking lot, and he turns off the car, gets out and goes to walk through the doors when he realises I’m not with him. He comes and opens the car door, beading down and taking my hands in his, he look at me, eye to eye. He tells me he will be beside me the whole time no matter what I’m told.
He says it’s the reason he gave me the ring. He says he loves me so much it hurts. He undoes my seat belt and helps me out of the car, he wraps his arm around my waist, and walks me through the doors,
I know he’s scared, but he’s being strong, we both know today’s different from all the other times I’ve been here, I tried to hide it for the first few weeks, the fact I was more tired and unwell than normal. But he noticed, he asked me if I was felling ok, I cant lie to him, I started crying, and told him I was scared, he told me he was there, and he was, through the tests, and waiting for this day, he was there, during that time he even asked me to marry him, I hope I don’t know why I’m not well. He sits me down, and goes and tells the receptionist I’m here.
After what seems like an hour the doctor calls my name, we both stand and he takes my hand. We walk down the corridor, into the doctors office, were we both sit. She looks at me and asks me how I am. I tell her to tell me, I don’t want the pointless questions. I just want to know what my future holds. She tells he how my sisters killer was hereditary, saying is was passed from my parents, to her. I tell her just to tell me, he takes my hand again. Letting me know he’s there, she tells me she doesn’t know tell me this, and that’s when I know it, I yell no, and he pulls me into his arms, she goes on to tell me that I have it too, I have the killer cancer. I cry, and cry, and so does he, he tells me we will get through this one, and she tells me we have caught it early. I ask her if my parents are going to watch there only living child die, to the same thing that took there little princess, I ask if he’s going to have to burry me, before we are married, she tells me she doesn’t know. And he tells me we will marry. She tells me I can go home tonight, but I have to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. He pretty much carry’s me to the car, and puts me in. doing up my seatbelt, he hops In him self, and drives away from the hospital, I know we are not going home, I know we are going to my parents house, to tell them, they have to watch another kid fight cancer, parents shouldn’t have to watch it happen at all, little own burry one kid because of it, and watch another one fight it , its not fair. But hey, we all know life’s not fair.
We pull into my parents house, he gets me outta the car again, I let tears fall, I fell numb. He takes my hand, and we walk in, my parents are sitting watching TV, they turn and look at us, my dads face goes blank, and my mum, she looks at us, confused for a second, and then she asks if we have just come from my appointment, I nod my head yes, her tears well up, and she screams no, no, no, she cant watch another child die, my dad wraps her up in his arms, letting his own tears fall. I tell them I love them, and I’m going to fight. My mum comes and embraces me, telling me she loves me, and she hugs him to, saying he’s like a son to her. My dad too, says he loves me. And then we leave, I cant be there. I hop In the car, and he drives us home, I go straight to our room, and hop into bed. He follows me, hoping in, pulls me close to me, telling me he loves me, as we manage to drift off to sleep.
I wake the next morning, to find him awake, holding me. I ask him to tell me it was all a dream, he says he wish he could, but he cant, I bury my face in him. He just holds me, then he says I need to shower and then we have to go, i do as he says, showering while he gets my stuff together, we walk out of our apartment, and to the car, I hop in the passenger side, again letting him drive, we pull up at what you could call my new ‘home’ all to quickly, he gets out, again coming around my side and helps me out. Taking my hand, and walking me into the cancer ward of the hospital. The doctor takes me into the room, the same room my sister was ‘treated’ in. they sit me on the bed, and ask me to take my jumper off, I do as I’m told, they take the needle and push it in my arm, he looks away, and as they hook the IV to the drug, that’s going to make or break me, I have that song, from yesterday playing in my head.
The lyrics telling what I’m about to become. The song that tells the story that’s going to become me and him.
Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favourite colours,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.
Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know
That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
His parents though, hate it. He got kicked out of home, we live in an apartment together, which my parents mostly pay for. His arms read the battles he has been though in life, he can tell me about why he made each cut, I wish I could take them away. He hasn’t picked up a razor to use in that way since we started going out, and that’s one thing I’m proud to say I helped him with. He loves me, I know he does, it’s one thing I believe in, the good lord gave us to each other.
My sister.
She was my best friend, do you know how hard it is to watch your TWIN sister being lowered into the ground. He wasn’t there then, but now we lay next to my sister, I come to see her at least one a week, and I started bringing him with me 3 months into our relationship. He knows her as well as I do, he lets me talk about her all the time. He says he loves her like a sister too, I know she would have loved him.
We lie there for a few hours, just talking to my sister, about our engagement, about the plans for the wedding, which we already decided will be in little under a year, on the same date we got engaged. About how life is, about how I’m happy, but I miss her so much. We play her some music. It was her favourite thing in life. She hardly went out with out her music. Today we decide on four letter lie. They where a all time favourite of hers. This day is perfect. No words need to be spoken.
I’m falling asleep when he reminds me we have some were to be. I don’t want to go, I don’t want to know, he says we have to, he takes my hand and pulls me up, picking the blanket. We say bye to my sister and walk off. Hoping in the car, we drive away from the cemetery, towards the city, towards my future. He flicks his ipod on to random, and reality hits me in the face, as Gerard way’s voice pours through the speakers. He flicks it over to the next song, looks over at me as I let a tear slide down my check, he takes my hand and tells me he’s sorry, he wont tell me its going to be ok, because all we have been through in life, we know it might not be. We spend the rest on the car ride silent. Looking straight ahead.
We pull into the parking lot, and he turns off the car, gets out and goes to walk through the doors when he realises I’m not with him. He comes and opens the car door, beading down and taking my hands in his, he look at me, eye to eye. He tells me he will be beside me the whole time no matter what I’m told.
He says it’s the reason he gave me the ring. He says he loves me so much it hurts. He undoes my seat belt and helps me out of the car, he wraps his arm around my waist, and walks me through the doors,
I know he’s scared, but he’s being strong, we both know today’s different from all the other times I’ve been here, I tried to hide it for the first few weeks, the fact I was more tired and unwell than normal. But he noticed, he asked me if I was felling ok, I cant lie to him, I started crying, and told him I was scared, he told me he was there, and he was, through the tests, and waiting for this day, he was there, during that time he even asked me to marry him, I hope I don’t know why I’m not well. He sits me down, and goes and tells the receptionist I’m here.
After what seems like an hour the doctor calls my name, we both stand and he takes my hand. We walk down the corridor, into the doctors office, were we both sit. She looks at me and asks me how I am. I tell her to tell me, I don’t want the pointless questions. I just want to know what my future holds. She tells he how my sisters killer was hereditary, saying is was passed from my parents, to her. I tell her just to tell me, he takes my hand again. Letting me know he’s there, she tells me she doesn’t know tell me this, and that’s when I know it, I yell no, and he pulls me into his arms, she goes on to tell me that I have it too, I have the killer cancer. I cry, and cry, and so does he, he tells me we will get through this one, and she tells me we have caught it early. I ask her if my parents are going to watch there only living child die, to the same thing that took there little princess, I ask if he’s going to have to burry me, before we are married, she tells me she doesn’t know. And he tells me we will marry. She tells me I can go home tonight, but I have to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. He pretty much carry’s me to the car, and puts me in. doing up my seatbelt, he hops In him self, and drives away from the hospital, I know we are not going home, I know we are going to my parents house, to tell them, they have to watch another kid fight cancer, parents shouldn’t have to watch it happen at all, little own burry one kid because of it, and watch another one fight it , its not fair. But hey, we all know life’s not fair.
We pull into my parents house, he gets me outta the car again, I let tears fall, I fell numb. He takes my hand, and we walk in, my parents are sitting watching TV, they turn and look at us, my dads face goes blank, and my mum, she looks at us, confused for a second, and then she asks if we have just come from my appointment, I nod my head yes, her tears well up, and she screams no, no, no, she cant watch another child die, my dad wraps her up in his arms, letting his own tears fall. I tell them I love them, and I’m going to fight. My mum comes and embraces me, telling me she loves me, and she hugs him to, saying he’s like a son to her. My dad too, says he loves me. And then we leave, I cant be there. I hop In the car, and he drives us home, I go straight to our room, and hop into bed. He follows me, hoping in, pulls me close to me, telling me he loves me, as we manage to drift off to sleep.
I wake the next morning, to find him awake, holding me. I ask him to tell me it was all a dream, he says he wish he could, but he cant, I bury my face in him. He just holds me, then he says I need to shower and then we have to go, i do as he says, showering while he gets my stuff together, we walk out of our apartment, and to the car, I hop in the passenger side, again letting him drive, we pull up at what you could call my new ‘home’ all to quickly, he gets out, again coming around my side and helps me out. Taking my hand, and walking me into the cancer ward of the hospital. The doctor takes me into the room, the same room my sister was ‘treated’ in. they sit me on the bed, and ask me to take my jumper off, I do as I’m told, they take the needle and push it in my arm, he looks away, and as they hook the IV to the drug, that’s going to make or break me, I have that song, from yesterday playing in my head.
The lyrics telling what I’m about to become. The song that tells the story that’s going to become me and him.
Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favourite colours,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.
Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know
That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
♠ ♠ ♠
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