16

The afternoon of the funeral, my first afternoon at Mike’s – which I guess is my house now too – was confusing and frustrating. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I tried to read for a while, and then I watched T.V. for a while, but I couldn’t keep my focused so I went down into the basement to have a bash at the drums. When I took a pause in my drumming to take a sip of my soda, I heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Hey,” Mike said as he reached the last step and walked further into the room. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” It was obvious that he wanted to know if I was coping and whether or not I minded living with him.

“I’m ok.” I said. “I’m glad that I can live here.”

He smiled a very small smile and sensing that I didn’t really have much more to say, turned around to walk back up the stairs.

***

I’m not quite sure how, but I somehow managed to drag myself through the next couple of days of my new life. Both Mike and Brittney were great, only talking to me to offer pleasantries like good morning and good night and to make sure that I ate properly. They seemed to understand that I would become somewhat normal in my own time and I wasn’t ready to force relationships just yet. Estelle was staying with her Mum, so I guess that also helped with my not completely falling apart at the seams, something that I’m sure would have happened with the added pressure of my less than pleasant sister.

On the third night since the beginning of this strange and new life – I began referring to it as that instead of “the day of the funeral” – I was awoken after a few hours of sleep by a buzzing sound from my bedside table. This was shortly followed by my ring tone, “My Generation” by The Who, reaching my ears.

I answered the phone as quickly as possible to prevent the noise from waking Brittney and Mike.

“Hello?” I groggily answered to whoever was annoying enough to call me at this hour.

“Hey hot-stuff,” A familiar voice replied.

“Alex?”

I could almost hear the smirk on her face as she replied with “Of course.”

“You better have a fucking good reason for calling me at this hour you loser,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes and crawling back down in the bed so that I was almost completely under the covers.

“Well, I didn’t want to ring the doorbell.” She said as though it was a blatant fact.

“What?”

“I didn’t want to wake everyone up.”

“I…your…what?” I stuttered, still feeling half asleep and struggling to comprehend why I wasn’t still asleep.

“Just look out your window.”

“Why?” I said cautiously.

“Just do it.”

I climbed out of bed and slowly made my way across the room to the bay window that looked out into the front yard. And there stood Alex, her duffel bag and bass in its case, one slung over each shoulder, a grin on her face and her cell phone against her ear.

“Let me in would you?” she said, already making her way closer to the front door and hanging up the phone.

I crept down to the front door and was instantly pulled into a hug as soon as the door was open. She pulled back and grinned at me before looking around at her surroundings; clearly taking in the grandeur of the house. I pulled her quietly into the house and up to my room where she gladly dumped her things in the middle of the floor and joined me on the bed.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked her.

“I had a big fight with Carol.” She said, speaking of her aunt. “She is nuts, seriously. There is something wrong with that family that I am somehow related to. I just don’t want to be there anymore. Do you think it would be alright if I stayed here for a bit?”

I nodded. “Yeah I don’t think that Mike will care, and Brittney’s cool so she shouldn’t have a problem with it.”

Alex excused herself to go to the bathroom and slipped back into the room dressed in her pajamas a couple of minutes later. She crawled into bed with me and we both quickly fell asleep.

***

When I woke the next morning, Alex was no longer asleep next to me and I almost convinced myself that her arrival was just a weird dream. Then I noticed her bag in the middle of the room and her bass case leaning up against the wall.

I got out of bed and walked down the stairs in search of Alex, stopping when I got to the doorway of the kitchen and heard Mike stuttering.

“Um… what are...? Who…?” He spluttered. “You’re Dani’s friend, right?”

A small smile made its way onto my face at his reaction to a random girl just walking around his house in boxer shorts and a singlet. I stood still where I was and observed their interaction as they hadn’t yet noticed that I was there.

“Yep,” she muttered. She had reached the fridge, opened it and pulled out the carton of milk. “I’m Alex.”

Mike sat in a shocked silence, staring at Alex from his stool at the breakfast bar.

I watched as Alex shook the almost empty milk carton before opening it and bringing it to her lips, draining its contents.

‘You’re out of milk by the way.” She said to a speechless Mike before wiping away a milk moustache and throwing the empty carton into the recycling bin.

She then finally noticed me standing in the doorway and came over to give me a quick hug, saying good morning as she did so.

“I’m going to take a quick shower.” She said before slowly shuffling down the hall and out of sight.

It amazed me that she could be so at ease in a house that she had never seen before, somehow managing to find her way around without any direction.

I shook my head at her and entered the kitchen, announcing myself to Mike who was still sitting in a stunned silence.

“Morning,” I muttered as I made my way over to the fridge. “I hear we’re out of milk.” I smirked and poured myself a glass of orange juice before walking over and taking a seat on the same stool that Estelle and I had argued over just a few months prior.

“So I hear,” He said, lifting his coffee to his lips. He took a sip of the drink before speaking again. “Why exactly is Alex here?”

“Her family is a little crazy and she had a rather huge fight with her Aunt, who she lives with. She has nowhere to go,” I said. “Is it okay if she stays here for a while?”

“Yeah,” He said, getting to his feet to place his now empty coffee cup in the dish washer. “She can stay as long as she likes. Just I’d appreciate it if next time a friend is going to show up in the middle of the night that you let me know.”

I gave him a small smile as I nodded. “Thanks.”

***

It seems to me, that arranging all of my belongings was a hell of a lot easier when I had no room for anything. Back home, in my old room, everything had its place; even if that meant there was a pile of books on the floor in one corner because there wasn’t enough room on the shelves. In my old room there were CDs everywhere, piles of shoes and random items strewn all over the place. Now, here in this new and very large room, I was struggling to find some kind of balance that I could actually be happy with.

“What about here?” Alex asked me, holding my Sex Pistols block mount against the wall above my bed. “And keep in mind that if you say no I will shoot you.”

“Nah I don’t really like it there either,” I said, absentmindedly gazing around the room.

“Oh for fuck sake woman,” Alex sighed, sounding rather exasperated. She stepped off the bed onto the floor and leant the wooden object against the nearest wall. “Make a damn decision!”

I rolled my eyes at her frustration. I hadn’t been taking that long to make up my mind regarding the posters placement…I swear.

For some reason I was determined for my room to look absolutely perfect. Well, as perfect as it could be without the hundreds of photos and personal items that I had lost in the fire. Or without the tiny cramped feel of my old room that I loved in every way. I wanted it to be as perfect as it could possibly be without my Mum around to lend a hand in the decorating and organizing.

“Okay,” I said, shaking myself out of my thoughts. “Umm… How about we put it on the same wall as the Green Day one?”

I gestured to the large heart grenade hanging on the other side of the room. Alex sighed and dragged the block mount across the room. Standing on a chair she held it up level to the other one.

“About a foot lower,” I said and she lowered it to create a staggered effect with the two posters. “Perfect.”

“Hallelujah,” was her response.

“We did it.” I announced several minutes later as Alex and I collapsed back onto the bed.

Not bothering with incessant chatter we lay in a comfortable silence, staring at the ceiling and allowing this new life to completely set in. With my room finally organized and personalized, I really was in a new home and a new stage of life.

A while later and a knock on the door caused me to sit up as Mike stepped into the room.

“Hey Mike.” Alex spoke first, earning a nod and ‘yes’ in response.

“Thanks heaps for letting me stay.” Alex added. “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem, I’m glad to help.” Mike said, not walking any further into the room as though he was unsure as to whether he was welcome or not. It was obvious he had something to say to me and that he was feeling nervous.

“I’m just going to go…get a drink.” Alex said, she was never one to avoid stating the uncomfortable. “And other such things that don’t involve me being in this room and adding to the awkward silence.”

Mike smiled gratefully at Alex as she quickly exited the room.
“So…” He said, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “I was wondering if you might want to go and get a cup of coffee with me. It might be good to talk some more, get to know each other a bit.”

“Oh alright, I’m up for that.” I smiled up at him. “Now?”

“Yeah, if that’s cool with you.”

I nodded and stood, grabbing my bag from the floor and following Mike from the room. I quickly said goodbye to Alex and we headed out to the car.

We made our way to Rudy’s for the aforementioned drink and some food, which Mike assured me was excellent. When we entered the café, he led me straight back to a table in the kiddy area.

“Do you always sit with the little kiddlywinks?” I asked him as he handed me a menu.

“Of course.” He said, leaning back in his chair.

“And you don’t mind how pedophilic that makes you sound?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at him through my quiet laughter.

Mike somehow silenced my laughing with just a look as a waitress came over and greeted us.

“What will you have Dani?”He asked me after a quick conversation with the waitress that didn’t involve any casual introductions or acknowledgements of my existence, as would have been the polite thing to do. `

I asked for an iced coffee, smiled at the waitress and looked down at the table, simultaneously picking up a small sachet of sugar. I began to absentmindedly pick at the packaging of the sugar as a silence fell over us. Mike cleared his throat in a way that showed me that my sudden frustration hadn’t gone unnoticed.

He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off before he even had the chance. “Why didn’t you introduce me to that waitress? It felt pretty shit that there wasn’t even a mention of my sitting here, which would have been enough, if you’re not comfortable with people knowing I’m your daughter.” I said this quietly and slowing, I didn’t have enough energy to question him with my true amount of anger; I was tired and sick of disappointment.

He sat in silence for a few moments, mulling over what I had asked and accused him of. At that moment the same waitress from before brought our drinks over to us. I thanked her quietly and looked down at my drink, fiddling with the straw as the waitress walked away.

I looked up at him again, silently begging him to finally respond to what I had said and challenge what I was saying.

It was obvious that Mike was less than pleased with the way this conversation was going, he had been hoping for a much nicer afternoon and I guess so had I. At least now we would both be on the same page and by the end of this I could hopefully understand where I stood in his life.

“Everyone that you met at my house and since then, Brittney, Estelle, the guys and all that, are the only people who know the truth,” he eventually said. “And Ana.”

At that, I was unsure as to whether to be sad or angry - which aren’t exactly the nicest two emotions to be battling with. I’m his daughter, the secret had been out, at least between us, for 3 months of so and he still doesn’t feel comfortable telling people. He doesn’t introduce me at all, or tell people that I’m his daughter. That doesn’t really instill much confidence in me as a person, is he embarrassed by me and the way I turned out? If that’s the case he can go and get fucked, to put it eloquently.

“Dani,” he began, looking up from his drink. “It’s not that I don’t want people to know about you and that you’re my daughter, it’s a lot more complicated than just the facts though. If people start to find out, there will be a lot of bad press, I don’t want that for any of us, you, and me, Brittney, Ana. It’s going to take some time, and needs to be approached carefully.”

“It won’t be that bad will it?” I asked him; surely he could handle the press after so many years of being in the spotlight.

“Believe me.” He said. “It will be. The press eats this kind of thing up, it’s terribly scandalous, you being my ‘Illegitimate Love Child’ and all.”

I couldn’t help but snort with laughter when he said those three words, a snort which caused him to flush a slight pink before continuing.

“Rumours will start; they’ll completely twist everything around and…” Mike hesitated slightly before continuing cautiously. “There will be stuff in all the magazines about…your mother.”

The slight smile that I still wore fell from my face immediately at the mention of my Mum and I once again looked down at my drink.

“I don’t want that,” He said. “Especially after everything that has happened and knowing how tense things already are between us.”

I nodded and we were both quiet for a few moments.

“It’s just…” I began. “Well, when that waitress came over, and you obviously know her pretty well and you don’t introduce me as your daughter or you don’t introduce me at all, it makes me feel…like crap basically. It’s like you don’t want people to know that I exist.”

“I really don’t want you to think that,” He said. “It’s definitely not like that. I love you Dani, you may not think I do, but I always have and I always will.”

After we finished our drinks and talked for a while longer, about less serious and stressful topics, we left the café and began to head home.

“Do you want go get some ice cream?” Mike asked me not long into the drive.

“Sounds good,” I smiled my agreement.

So we turned left down the next street and went to a small ice cream parlor. We got our desert and as we walked outside towards the car I looked up at Mike.
“I had a good time today.” I said.