Spinning Out of Control

"Hm," Alex hums softly in my ear, his nose nuzzling against my neck. I giggle. "Do we have to get up? I don't feel like going to school today."

I roll my eyes, reaching up to push the hair out of his face. "I don't either. But we have finals and you have to take finals. You don't want to graduate with the rest of us next week, don't you?" A small smirk itches at my lips as his eyes flutter open to gaze at me.

His bottom lip juts in a full pout. "Nooo. Can't we just lie in bed and be cute?"

I laugh again. "Maybe after you try and pass your Calculus final. You studied all weekend, remember?" He groans buries his face back into my neck. "Alex, don't be like this. If you don't graduate, you can't pursue the band. And isn't that what you want to do?" He just makes some muffled noise against my flesh and I swat the back of his head when it tickled.

More silence passes before I sigh in defeat.

"If you go take the final I will buy us some ice cream afterward."

He jumps up immediately, hovering over me on the bed. "Why didn't you suggest that in the first place?!" He gives me a sloppy kiss as a good morning before standing. "I'll be in the shower if you need me." He grabs his clothes and sprints toward the bathroom.

I roll my eyes, getting to my feet and grabbing for my own set of clothes. I showered last night, so he could do as he pleased.

I had finished dressing and straightening my hair when he walked out, hair damp and a smile on his face. I grin as he slides his shirt on, walking over to me. "Mmm, I love waking up to you," he murmurs, snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me into his warm body. I felt tingles all over. "I can't for it to be a daily thing."

"Mr. Cheesy," I tease, grabbing his forearms as I get on my tip-toes to peck him on the lips.

He smiles against my mouth. "You love it."

"Of course I do."

He crushes me into him as our lips move against each other easily. His skin was heated and his tongue flicked against my own as he backs me up against the wall, his hands squeezing my sides and my fingers clawing at his back. It was getting real intense real fast. Then, we hear a knock on my door.

"Ravyn!" my mom shouts through the wood. "Alex and you need to get to school. You better not be being naughty or I will never let that boy over again."

I roll my eyes as our lips slide away from each other. "Empty threats."

"Your mom loves me."

We share a laugh before he kisses me again.

"Ravyn?" I feel my body being shaken awake. I groan and roll over, still stuck in my dream. "Honey? Wake up. You need to drop Emma off at Alex's."

My eyes pop open at the sound of my daughter's name.

I sit up and glance over at my mother. She was wearing her work-out clothes. "You and Dad going to the gym?" I ask, stretching my arms over my head. I look around and notice Emma was absent. Then I hear the faint sounds of Disney Channel downstairs.

She nods. "Alex called. You're late in taking her over."

"Shit," I mutter, pushing my covers off of my body. "I must have overslept." I omit the part where I didn't want to wake up because of my lovely dream. "Call him back and tell him I'll be over as soon as possible."

My mother nods again before moving out of my room.

I was dressed in thirty seconds. I combed my hair back into a bun, brushed my teeth, and washed my face before grabbing my dirty pair of Converse. I pull them on as I stumble downstairs.

"Took me three minutes," I huff. "Impatient."

"Mommy!" Emma squeals, running over to me. I grin and haul her into my arms, spinning her a bit in the air. "Am I goin' to Daddy's?!" I slow down my spinning at that. I felt my smile become less and less genuine.

"Yeah!" I nod, moving hair out of her face. "Are you excited?"

"Yeah!" she mimics me, tugging at my shirt. "I get to see Jazzy!"

I felt a sour note in my mouth. I try to ignore this as I grab her bag. I set her down as she eagerly runs toward the door, singing and screaming the whole way their. I felt my chest tighten. Fucking Jasmine. I once again swallow my feelings down and go toward the door, pushing it open. I had to play nice. I initiated us getting along. I have to hold up my end of the deal.

The walk over to Alex's house seemed too long. My throat was dry and felt swollen.

Probably from crying myself to sleep last night.

Emma was already bouncing in front of Alex's front door by the time I walked up the porch steps. I could feel my heart get heavier and heavier every time I took a step.

Next second, I was ringing the doorbell and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.

"Hang on!" I hear Alex yell immediately from inside. All oxygen left my body. Why am I so nervous? I waited a few more moments, hearing footsteps pound down the stairs. About ten seconds later, the door was opening and Alex was shirtless.

I try not to let it affect me. I just look away instantly and smile at Emma.

"We're at Daddy's!" I grin. She squeals in excitement. "Don't forget anything okay?"

She nods and takes her bag from me, running inside. She hugs Alex around the legs as greeting before shooting straight for the kitchen. I look over at Alex, watching as he pulled on a red v-neck. Thank God. I shift from foot to foot as I realize I had nothing to say.

"Wanna...wanna come in for a bit?" he asks, chewing at his lip as he widens the entry way.

I hesitate before shaking my head. "I probably shouldn't. Jasmine might come home any minute."

"She's fine with you," he says slowly. I wanted to believe him after mine and Jasmine's heart-to-heart, but judging by the intonation of his voice, he was bending the truth a bit.

"No, she isn't," I murmur softly. "You and I both know that."

There was another silence as we both hear Emma running through the kitchen, singing some Hannah Montana song as she rummaged through what I assumed was the cookie jar. I smile wryly at this before averting my gaze to the ground. I could see Alex stuff his hands in his pockets. He seemed so...out of it.

"What happened last night?"

I look up, my brows furrowing. "What do you mean?"

He looks uncomfortable, one of his hands coming up and mussing the hair on the back of his head. He breathes out. "You...why were you crying? I...I don't..." he breathes out of frustration. "Rae, please—"

"What?" I cry shamelessly. "Do you want me to explain myself to you?"

"It...it might be nice to know what's going on inside your head!" he blurts, his jaw clenched in what I believed was agitation. "You have been so confusing since you came back! You've been so distant and different and I hate it! What the fuck happened for you to be like this?"

"Where is this coming from?" I fire back. "Why do you care?"

"Because you're Ravyn and I'm Alex and that's all we'll ever be!" he shouts back, his arms shooting in the air. "We'll been Ravyn and Alex. Only individuals. And that thought terrifies me, okay?!"

I squeeze my eyes shut. "Alex—"

"I don't know what to say anymore, Rae!" he reiterates. "I can't talk to you anymore. It's like something happened and you're gone and all that's left is this robot going about her daily routine. You don't seem to be have any emotion. Why? You have a daughter, you have me, you have your parents—"

"You have Jasmine."

He freezes, looking over at me. "What?"

"I don't have you," I repeat, wiping at my nose. "Jasmine does."

Alex's face seems to crumble at that. I watched as each muscle fell and his shoulders sagged. "Look, Rae, I didn't mean to—"

"Hey!" The front door opens and we both stop. Jasmine walks in, carrying grocery bags and dawning what I assumed was a pair of really old short shorts. Her long hair was back in a sleek ponytail. "Oh, hey Ravyn!" she smiles, giving me a little wave through all the groceries. "Dropping Emma off?"

I nod, training my eyes back on Alex. "I was just leaving."

"Oh," she says, her voice clearly giving her away. I knew she wanted me to leave. "Well, sorry I didn't catch you in time."

"It's fine."

Alex seems to come out of his relapse and shakes his head. "Ravyn, you don't have to you can—"

"I didn't get much sleep," I cut him off, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "I'm gonna go back home and try to get some more." I look back at Jasmine, her relief-filled face shining. "See you guys when you drop Emma back off, okay?"

Jasmine nods. "See you."

I nod and start walking toward the door as she turns and leaves for the kitchen. I got the door open before I feel Alex's hand on my shoulder.

"Wait," he murmurs, his voice soft. It was whispered into my ear like it was intimate, meant only for me. I froze. I felt a shudder tingle down my spine. "I have a question."

I nod for him to continue.

"We're having an album release party next Friday. Come?"

I hesitate. "Really?"

"Rae—"

"I'll go," I mutter back, not wanting Jasmine to hear him call me that again. I gulp. "I'll try and make it if I can. I'll have to see if my parents can watch Emma."

"Good. I want you to come."

I don't grace him with a response, just shake off his hand and exit his foyer. I could feel his eyes on me, even after I was out of the house and walking back to my own. I couldn't shake his gaze off of me. I hadn't been able to for years.