Spinning Out of Control

It was a bit cold outside.

My bare shoulders had little goosebumps and the hair on my arms were standing on end. I shiver a bit before huddling closer to the wall. My heels clacked against the sidewalk as I shifted uncomfortably. What the fuck am I doing here?

I look back at the bar. It was the right address, I know it was. I'd been here a thousand times. The same gray steps leading to the door, the same weathered red brick. It was all the same.

Too bad I was too fucking scared to go inside.

Instead of facing my fears head-on, I'm sitting out in the shivering cold like a fucking wimp. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just go in? I shake my head, blowing out a shaky exhale. Because you're afraid. You're afraid of what people will say, what they'll do. Fuck. I rub at my frosty arms, suddenly wishing I hadn't worn a strapless dress.

I tuck a lock of my blonde hair behind my ear. I knew if I didn't go in that Alex would say something to me. I knew he would either be angry, disappointed, or impassive. And all of those options did not seem like something I could handle.

"Oh, God," I mutter, placing my face in my hands.

"You rang?" I hear a joking voice say to my left. I look up at the sound of the familiar inflection. I grin upon seeing who it was. "Most people call me in prayer."

"Jack!" I laugh, reaching out and immediately hugging the lanky, tall boy. He was wearing a nicely fitted gray suit, one of the first times I ever saw him dressed so nice. "How've you been, bud?" I hadn't seen him since the first day I came back.

He grins. "I'm fine. How are you, my little Vynnie?"

I lean back against the brick wall of the venue. He does the same. I then noticed the beer in his left hand. "I'm all right. You know. As good as I can get."

He shrugs. "Hey, at least you clean up good for a single mom."

I chuckle, looking down at my dress and heels, shifting awkwardly. "It's been three years since I wore pumps. I've almost fallen down seven times now." Jack laughs out loud, shaking his head. I grin at the sight of his old blonde hair back in his hair. "And this dress was a tight fit. I forgot it was even in my closet, but it was fine to squeeze into I guess."

His chest rumbles with another laugh. "So why haven't you come in yet? The party started an hour ago."

My smile falls immediately. I avert my gaze and let my top teeth sink into my bottom lip. "It's...it's complicated." When there was a silence, I look back at Jack, who was giving me a look like he didn't believe me. "Fine. I don't want to see Jasmine with Alex, okay? You don't need to judge me."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Hmmm. I see."

My jaw clenches. "You see what?"

A goofy grin takes over his face like a mask. "You lo-o-o-o-o-ove him!" I feel my jaw drop open. "God, can't you see it, Ravyn? You still have feelings for him! You can't go in there because you know you will just pound with jealousy to see him with someone else! Especially because it's with Jasmine. No doubt about it."

"I...I..."

A triumphant smile takes over his goofy grin.

He was right. The fact that I still had feelings for Alex made a nasty roll go through my abdomen. I was the one who left him yet I am the one who still loves him? I had to grab my stomach at this thought. Holy shit.

I am still in love with Alex.

"Took you long enough to realize it," Jack sighs, clapping a hand on my bare shoulder. His palm was really warm. "I'll see you inside when you finally grow the balls to come in." I wince, biting at my bottom lip once again. "We've been waiting for you for awhile."

As he disappears back inside, I watch as the door swings shut behind him. I knew I had to go in. I was the one who got Jasmine and Alex back together. I should be able to handle this.

Although, that doesn't mean I can.

Alex—

I feel a giggle in my ear, bringing me back to the present.

I look down at Jasmine. Her face was turned away from me, watching Jack as he threw down weird dance moves on the floor. I laugh, shaking my head. I could feel my mind still off somewhere else, back in the reverie that I just had from a few years ago. My eyes slip shut. Ravyn. My lids pop open as I feel lips press against my neck.

If only they were Ravyn's lips.

Jasmine smiles up at me. "Whachya thinkin' about?"

Her words were slurred a bit. I look down at the table, my brows raising when I see her two empty glasses of screwdrivers. "Just stuff," I reply, glancing back over at her with a sly smile.

She grins. "I have to pee. I'll be back all right?"

I nod and she slides out from under my arm. The moment she was out of sight, she was out of mind. I grab my phone hurriedly and unlock the screen. No messages. I grind my teeth. Where is Rae? She should be here by now. It's been an hour and a half since the party started. Is she just not going to show up? The thought made my blood boil. She needs to come. I want to see her outside of Emma. I want to see her unconditionally.

I was about to open a new message and text her when I feel a rush of cold air. I glance up to see the venue door opening, my heart pounding faster.

It was Ravyn.

She looked more than gorgeous. She looked more than beautiful. God dammit, she looked fucking radiant. And I felt my entire heart just flutter in my chest.

Her blonde hair was curled at the ends, soft tendrils falling against her breasts. She had natural make-up, if any at all, accenting her natural looks. Her shoulders were bare, her collarbone fitting above the top of her strapless dress. It was a dark maroon, hugging her curves and stop about two inches above her knee. Her long legs were even longer in her pair of wrap-around pumps, tan and fit. She was looking around, almost nervously, like she didn't know what to do.

I regain my breathing, sucking in a breath.

I haven't seen Ravyn look this good in four years. It made my heart thump against my rib cage messily. The ache in my chest felt as if it were throbbing. Like a hole that needed to be filled. Filled only with Rae.

I feel a tug on my jacket sleeve and I glance over at who it was. My smile drops when I see it's Jasmine, but I bring it back up quickly. It was sterile.

"Wanna dance?" she asks, kissing at my cheek sloppily. I glance down and see she has yet another drink in hand. I grimace as her lips move down my face and to my neck. Her breath smelled of alcohol. "I love this song." I listen to the beat, noticing it was some dumb-ass hip-hop one. It was catchy, but lifeless.

I lean toward her ear. "I need to go talk to someone. Wait for me here?"

She looked sad, a full pout on her lips, but nods. Before I could leave, she smacks a nasty wet kiss on my lips. I could feel the lipstick she left on me and I wipe it off as I walk away.

I push through the thick of people, smiling when I see Ravyn is still by the venue door, looking around. I elbow a few people away before making my way over toward her, my heart racing quicker and quicker as I go.

What do I say to her? You look amazing! Marry me? Oh, God.

She was looking the direction as I stop beside her, neck twisted in an odd direction. I reach out, my hand pausing for a moment, before I touch her shoulder softly. Her head whips around, causing her scent to overwhelm me. I shudder. A smile consumes her lips and, in turn, makes me smile back. I am reminded of the days of just me and her.

"Hey," I murmur, pulling her into a hug. Holding her close to me...I could barely handle it. Her hair tickled my nose. She smelled of mangoes and it was delicious. "You look gorgeous."

By the way I was grinning, she had to know I was being truthful. She looked better than she ever has before, and that's hard to do. Ravyn is one of those naturally beautiful people. And I reminded her of that every day.

Suddenly, those old butterflies fill my stomach. I couldn't ward them off.

"Thanks," she says, a red blush overtaking her face.

My lips turn up at that old habit of hers. It made my heart swell to know I could still make her do that. "How long are you planning on staying?" I ask her.

She shrugs, brushing a chunk of her hair off her face. My finger tingled to be doing that myself. "As long as you'll have me, I guess. Mom is watching Emma back home and she'll call if anything goes wrong. I'll probably leave after get so drunk I can't stand."

I laugh. "God, are you amusing when you're drunk." She laughs as well, still flushed a cherry red. I smirk. "Oh man. Remember that one time junior year when we were at Jason Hurley's party? You got so drunk you thought you could fly and you climbed up on the roof?" I shake my head, practically in stitches from the memory. She was the same. "And we had to coax you down by promising you could meet Captain Hook? Holy shit."

Ravyn was giggling like crazy, my heart swelling again. "That was humiliating! Damn you making me watch Peter Pan all the fucking time!" We share another hearty laugh.

There were more hysterical snickers before I feel an arm wrap around my waist.

I knew who it was the moment I look at Rae's face.

"Hey, Jas," I say, turning my head to look down at my girlfriend. I peck the side of her head for show, my eyes sliding to look over at Ravyn. Her face was turned away, her top teeth biting into her bottom lip.

She grins, her eyes staying level on Rae. "Hey babe. I thought you were talking to a colleague?" She gives a sour look at my ex-fiancee.

I shrug. "I was before I ran into Rae—Ravyn," I pretend to cough in the middle her name. Jasmine doesn't seem to notice. "We were just talking." I feel her arm tighten around my middle like I was her possession. Fuck.

"Hm," Jasmine hums, her eyes still staring at the other girl.

Ravyn clears her throat. "I'm gonna get a drink. I'll...see you guys later." She gives me a sad smile before pushing past us to get to the bar. Her figure gets lost in the crowd of people. I had to use all my willpower not to go after her. Jasmine was still grasping onto me like if she let go, I would just disappear or something.

Said girl turns and smirks up at me. "Shall we dance now? If you say no again I might just have to drag you to the floor." Her other wraps around me.

I roll my eyes. "Let's go dance."

She grins and immediately pulls me toward the floor.

I turn my head toward the bar, my eyes searching for Rae. When I find her, she's sitting alone at the counter, propped on a stool. A wine cooler was in her hands, her eyes staring down at it. She's always loved drinking those. And before I can turn back to Jas, I see Rae look back at me with an indescribable look on her face.