Spinning Out of Control

Ravyn—

My eyes scan toward the dance floor, immediately finding Jasmine and Alex. Her back was to his chest, their two bodies grinding and rolling. I felt like I would be sick at the sight, the lights flashing over their faces. I saw the sweat on his forehead. He always hated dancing like that.

I watch as she throws her head back in laughter, her long hair swinging about her head like a halo. She looked so unbelievably gorgeous in that moment. I felt so envious that I wanted to puke.

I glance back at my wine cooler, taking a deep breath to calm myself.

Just as I feel composed once again, I see a man walking over. He had a decent build, broad shoulders, a good few inches taller than me. He had messy blonde hair and green eyes that were crinkled around the edges like he smiled a lot. He was attractive, I had to give him that. But by the look on his face and the stance of his gait, I knew why he was coming over.

So far tonight, I've been hit on my two guys. Not counting Mr. Blondie.

One man had black hair that looked like it needed a bath. He was overly confident and kept stroking my arm. Finally, I said I had to go to the bathroom and when I came back just sat in a different spot at the bar. The second man was a guy with brown hair. He had stubble on his jaw and he was beautiful. But he was drunk and kept trying to sloppily kiss me. I just called his friends over who carried him out of the venue. I felt kinda bad for him.

And now, we have lucky contestant number three.

"Hi," he grins, sliding into the stool beside me. He waves for the tender. "My name's Jesse." He had a kind face and I felt bad that I would eventually turn him down. "What's your's gorgeous?"

"Flattering," I return. I knew I seemed uninterested. "Ravyn."

"Like the bird?"

Every time I tell someone my name, that was their response. Well, not Alex. When I first met him, I had been ten years old. When I told him my name he gave me this weird look. "That's a cool name," he had said, shrugging his shoulders. "Mine is boring. Too unoriginal."

Even for a little kid, he had quite the perception.

"Like the bird," I repeat quietly, mentally shaking my head. There was a small silence as the bartender comes over and gives Jesse his drink. I take a sip of my own.

"What is such a pretty lady doing all by herself?"

God, did he have the moves. Or, at least, he probably liked to think he did. Now, I didn't get hit on very much. I suspected I was tonight because it was a Friday, guys probably wanted to get lucky and take a girl home. They just didn't realize I wasn't the girl to try to pick up. "No reason," I say. I knew I was lying, and he think he did too.

"Ah, did a guy stand you up?"

I look over at the dance floor, my teeth biting down on my inner lip at the sight of Alex. His eyes flick to mine for a moment. He does a double take and looks again when he sees a guy with me. A weird flutter goes through my stomach.

"Something like that," I murmur, averting my eyes from Alex.

He makes a little sigh. It was an obviously forced sigh. "Maybe I could be your date for tonight. It's hard to believe a guy could be such an asshole to stand you up."

Finally, since I was so fed up with this guy's persistence, I turn to look at him, feeling as if my nostrils were flared. "You wanna know why I am at the bar alone?" I lean forward, pressing my palms flat against the counter. He scooches back a bit, his eyes wide. "Because the man I am fucking in love with is with someone else, okay? He doesn't love me. He loves someone else. So I am sitting here in my own misery, drinking a wine cooler and being hit on by some loser who picks up chicks using second-grade lines. So I'd appreciate it if you could leave me to pine after someone I can't have and go try to get lucky with someone who's IQ is as low as yours."

He doesn't even grace me with a response, just scrambles off the stool and speed-walks away.

"Wow," I hear a chuckle from behind me. "You really laid into that guy."

I turn around on my barstool and immediately grin upon seeing my buzz-headed friend. "Rian!" I squeal, jumping off the stool and sprinting the two feet to embrace him in a long overdue hug. His white smile shined. "How have you been, bud?"

He shrugs, patting my back as we release. "Great. Lot has changed in three years. You?"

I blow out a breath, nodding. "I agree with that statement."

Rian laughs as I move back to sit on my barstool. I pick up my wine cooler and take a sip as he speaks. "So what are you doing over here all by yourself?"

"You sound exactly like the three other guys who've hit on me tonight."

He laughs, setting his beer down on the counter. "Well, then allow me to finish." He gracefully gets down on one knee, clasping his hands together in front of him. "Please, oh please, random girl at the bar! Allow me to take you to my swanky apartment and-or disgusting motel room so we can have a night of hot sex that ends in you not-managing to orgasm and I never call again. Please!"

I was in stitches, tears brimming my eyes as he grins, getting back to his full height. He gives a sweeping bow as I hit his shoulder. "Damn!" I laugh again, wiping at my eyes. "You're an expert."

"I try."

Rian smiles again and takes a sip of his beer. "So I'm guessing you've turned down men's offers to dance?" He gestures toward the floor.

I hesitate before shrugging. "Yeah. Not in mood tonight, I guess."

"Hm." He squints his eyes at me and I, in turn, raise an eyebrow. "For knowing Jack for so long, you are completely blind to the fact that that kid cannot keep his mouth over anything." And then reality hit and my shoulders slump.

"He told you I still have feelings for Alex?"

"Not feelings, necessarily..." he ponders and I brighten. Maybe Jack just said I— "More along the lines of being in love with Alex. But you know, tomato, tom-ah-toe."

I grind my teeth together. "God damnit."

The boy beside me gives a sad smile. It still seemed cheeky. "Sorry, babe. He didn't tell me the specifics but told me not to pester you about talking to Alex." I nod, averting my eyes and looking down at the counter. I trace a ring of perspiration there. "Speaking of, I heard you had a talk with Jasmine. Kudos for dealing with that bitch."

I burst out laughing, almost falling over. "Damn, Rian. You always know how to make me laugh."

"That's what I'm here for," he sing-songs badly before giving me one last hug and departing for their table on the other side of the building. I watch him go, blowing out a breath.

I was just about to turn back to the counter and return my taste-buds to the now sour-tasting wine cooler when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whip around, hoping for those brown eyes, but am met with the sight of Jasmine behind me. She was swaying a bit on her feet, a glass of what looked to be vodka in hand. Damn, is she drunk. She gulps down more alcohol before looking back at me. Her make-up was smudged.

"Hi," I try to smile. "What's up?"

"Don't act all peachy," she spits, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. I wrinkle my nose. "You fucking want Alex, don't you? You want to steal him back from me, huh?" Her eyes narrow. It was hard to take her seriously when her body wouldn't stay still.

I sigh. "Jasmine, you're drunk. Can I call a cab to take you home? I—"

She reaches out a slaps me straight across the face. My body falls back and my spine smacks against the wood of the counter. I wince and grab at my cheek, looking back at her with a propped jaw and wide eyes. "What the fuck, Jasmine?" I growl, trying to contain my anger. In high school, I was known to get in one-too-many bitch fights and I could feel that nostalgic adrenaline rushing through me.

"Stay away from him," she hisses, giving me what seemed to be a triumphant gleam. "We both know you're ulterior motive for rescuing me at the bar. Drop the act."

"What act? There is no act! Jasm—"

That's when I see Alex pushing through the crowd to get to us. Judging by his face, covered in sweat with a silly smile on his face, he didn't see the slap Jasmine just gifted on my left cheek. I remove my hand and place it in my lap, swallowing.

"I should be going," I mutter, grabbing my clutch. I move away from the bar before Jasmine could say anything or Alex could appear.

I stumble out of the thriving groups of people, taking a deep breath as I come upon the door.

Before I can open it, I look back to find myself locking eyes with Alex.

My heart crumples at his face. Judging by his clenched jaw, and Jasmine's never-ending slurring, she must have spilled how she'd slapped me. His eyes probe mine, begging me to...to do something, I just didn't know what. The electricity that pulsed down my spine made my shoulders shudder. The look on his face made me believe he felt the same thing. I send him one last look before throwing the door open and leaving.

I was rushing to my car in a few seconds flat, getting inside just as the emotions took me over. I could feel tears and hurt and a headache all at the same time. I start my engine and peel away from my parking spot.

As I pass the front door of the venue, I see Alex standing in the open doorway, watching me drive off with that broken look on his face.



I gently shut the door of my parent's house behind me, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath my feet. I slip my heels off, leaving them by the door, and tip-toe over to drop my purse onto the side table. I could hear the snores of my father from upstairs. Everyone's asleep.

I look around the dark living room, blowing out a huff and running a hand through my hair. I could still feel the sting from the hearty slap Jasmine had laid on me. I knew there would be an audible mark, but a faint one. I touch it softly as I patter into the kitchen, going over to the freezer. The tile was cold against my heels as I reach up to grab one of the ice packs my mom used to give me for lunch everyday.

After grabbing it, I go over and grab a paper towel, wrapping the pack inside of it.

I press it to my cheek, flinching again as the cold touches my heated cheek. I suddenly felt dizzy and overwhelmed, standing in my kitchen while pressing ice to the mark of the slap my ex-fiance's girlfriend had given to me.

I grimace at this thought and go over to the switch, snapping it on so light flooded the kitchen.

I turn around and practically fall backwards at the sight of Alex leaning over my counter. I move backwards, my back hitting the island, making my spine clang against something hard for the second time tonight. I give a little cry but bite my bottom lip to keep it muffled. "Fuck!" I hiss, picking up the ice pack from where I'd dropped it. "What the hell, Alex?"

Said boy was leaning over my counter, his forearms flat against the surface. He looks up and I see the distress in his face, the way his lips fell and his eyes blank. I scrunch my brows.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he mumbles, getting to his full height.

I immediately lost all my courage. "Well...next time give me some kind of warning?" That's when I realized: would there be another time? Would he ever just sneak into my house without any word beforehand?

He doesn't respond. He just gives me that indescribable look. I felt uneasy.

"What?" I finally ask, shifting. I realized I was still holding the ice pack and it was so cold my palm was numb. I let it fall onto the island behind me. My heart was racing and the pulse in my neck was beating against my throat. And this wasn't because Alex had scared me; this was because I had just noticed I was alone, with Alex, in the fucking dark. I was suddenly glad that an entire stretch of counter was separating us.

He clears his throat, reaching up to muss the back of his head. Damn, I forgot how good he looked in a suit. "I wanted to apologize," he murmurs, his voice soft. It caressed my eardrums. "For Jasmine's behavior. She was drunk and totally out of line. I'm gonna talk to her when she's—" He stops once I put a hand up.

"It's fine. We all do crazy things when we're drunk."

This put the tiniest smile on his lips, but it's whisked away moments later. "So...that's not why you left the party?"

I exhale, realizing my breath was shaky. "I...I needed to go home. I wanted to check on Emma. I mean, I hate being away from her for so long...I just needed to see her, you know?"

We fall silent. I could feel his eyes probing my face.

"You're lying," he says slowly, each word rolling off his tongue. My face crumples. Dammit. "Tell me the truth, Rae. I always know when you're lying." He always has. Ever since high school, he could tell when I wasn't being truthful and I hated it.

"How...how do you know I'm lying?" I stall, my mouth going dry.

"I see what you're doing," he murmurs again, rolling his eyes. He removes his hands from the counter and crosses them over his chest. "Fine. I can always tell when you're lying because this little muscle in your jaw flexes as you fib. I started noticing it sophomore year."

Fuck. "All right. Do you really want to know?"

"Of course I do, Rae."

I'm really starting to regret allowing him to call me that in the first place. I grind my teeth and look up at him from behind my lashes. "I left because I was scared, okay?" I blurt out before I could stop the words from bubbling up my throat. "I was scared of hurting myself further by watching you be with Jasmine. I was scared of the feelings brewing in me. And I was scared of you, okay? I...I'm fucking terrified."

I immediately wanted to take the words back the moment I said them. Half of Alex's face was in shadow, but the half I could see looked distraught. God. Why did I have to open my big mouth?

Suddenly, Alex was rounding the corner so we were only a few feet away from each other.

"Feelings?" he murmurs, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. I didn't stop him. "What kind of feelings?" I could barely see his face, the light in the kitchen too dim for me to make out the emotions etched there.

I inhale before taking a step back. "I don't know, okay?" I huff, running another hand through my tangled hair. I bet I looked great, with my smudged make-up and watery eyes and disheveled appearance. "I don't fucking know. Everything is so jumbled that I can't think straight, Alex! Do you not understand the absolute hell I've been put through from seeing you every day?"

"You don't think I do?" he retaliates, his arms going into the air, his face full of anger and his back rigid. "You don't think it's hard for me to see you again? To see my fucking ex-fiancee? To see the girl I was fucking in love with? The girl who left me at a moment's notice?"

I set my jaw. "How many times are we going to fucking argue about this? It's in the past, Alex! Let it go!"

His own mouth clenches in frustration. "How can I let go something like that? Huh, Rae? Huh? This fucking situation would be a hell-of-a-lot different if I had been the one to walk out. Take a walk in my shoes and you'll understand where I am coming from!"

"I don't care about what I did to you! You just need to see what it does to Emma!"

"Of course I see what it does!" he spits. I just noticed we were so involved in this heated fight that we were nose-to-nose. "She's the whole reason as to why we argue. As to why you even fucking came back in the first place!"

I was tired.

I was tired of the all the fights, all the late-nights, all the stress, all the yelling. I wanted to lay down and never get back up. I close my eyes and try to breathe.

"I think you should go now," I mutter, averting my face away from him.

"What?"

"Leave," I say again before pushing past him. I exit the kitchen and go into the living room, hearing him clamber after me. I wasn't surprised. "Please, Alex."

I didn't hear him say anything as I try to get to the stairs in one piece. But as I pass the couch, I feel his hand on my arm, gripping and tugging me back to him. I didn't fight it, even though my conscious told me to do so. He turns me around and looks me in the face, his face softer and kinder than it was moments before when we'd been arguing.

"What?" I ask now, my throat thick with the promise of tears.

He doesn't say anything, just lets his eyes move over every inch of my face.

And then, when I thought we would just stand like that for eternity, he pulls me into his body. It was warm and smelled like the old him. His arm goes around my waist, his other hand moving up to cup the back of my neck. I didn't understand what was going onto until his lips fall onto mine.

Almost like I didn't have to think about it, I'm kissing back.

I forgot what it felt like to kiss Alex. Each second was a new adventure, each second a new feeling passing inside of me. His lips were so soft, his tongue prodding mine. My own arms were curling around his neck to keep him close, my fingers knotting in his hair like they used to. Our lips were fused together, like someone had welded them together. Like they were meant to be there. As his tongue roams my mouth, a shock of tension runs down my spine and through my legs.

He then backs us up until we fall against the couch. He was hovering over me, every inch of his body touching mine, the heat we were sharing making my head spin in the most delicious way. I wanted him closer, so much closer then he was right now.

He removes his lips from mine, bending down and letting them trail over every little centimeter of my face. He lies passionate kisses up my cheek, across the bone, up the curve of my brow and over my forehead, across the plane of my other cheek and down my rigid jaw and to my chin. He moves up and brushes his lips against mine and then up to my nose, placing a kiss on the tip and the bridge. I felt his fingers pushing my hair back, running his hands through the thick mane.

It felt as he were trying to discover every part of me all over again.

Each kiss he laid on me left a little tingle, a spark on my skin. My nerves were buzzing and my flesh felt alive. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as our lips connect again.

Too soon, he was pulling away. He gives me one last touch of the lips before he moves to lay beside me, his arms still around my middle with a vice-like grip. Our eyes lock and I felt a shiver pass over us. A sigh passes his lips; it sounded like one of contentment. Or relief. Or anger.

Whichever one, I felt at peace.

"Go to sleep," he says softly as my eyes slip closed. I felt like my body was at ease, like it had been waiting for this moment for three years. I was pressed against his chest. I felt as he pulled a blanket down from the back of the couch and pulled it over us. He hugged me close to him.

The last thing I felt before I drifted off was the feeling of Alex kissing each of my eyelids gently.