Spinning Out of Control

The next morning, I was quite hesitant to go over to Alex and Jasmine’s house. I couldn’t get what Jasmine had said out of my head; it was like a never-ending cycle, replaying in my head like a broken record.

“She seems like a terrible person for keeping a secret that big for that long. Frankly, I don’t like her…She was pregnant with your child and just left. How can someone do something like that? Honestly, I don’t know what you saw in here.” A lump formed in my throat just picturing it.

As I dressed, I thought of something to say to her, something to even out the field. But I knew Alex wouldn’t like that, so I focused on finding the perfect I-don’t-care shirt.

On the way to his house, I took deep breaths, calming the butterflies.

I rang the doorbell, feeling on edge as I hear a few clatters from inside and the sound of The Wiggles on the television. Then there were footsteps and the door was opening, revealing Alex, holding a bowl and a wooden spoon.

“Hey,” I say quietly, the blood rushing through my ears loudly.

I could see a swallow go through his throat. “Hi.”

There was a few tense, awkward moments as we stood there; me outside on the porch, and him on the other side of the threshold, standing on the wood flooring of the foyer. Finally, he steps aside, granting me entrance, which I hesitantly accepted. “I’m only here to pick up Em—”

He gestures toward the kitchen. “I’m not done making her pancakes. Stick around.” I was about to protest but he was already turning away.

Upon walking into the living room, I spot Emma. I smile, about to go over, when I see she is sitting on the couch in front of Jasmine, who was braiding my daughter’s hair. I feel a scream rip through my chest and emerge to my throat.

Alex noticed. “Help me with the pancakes, Ravyn?”

I nod silently, my gaze piercing Jasmine as we moved into the kitchen.

Once we were inside, away from the living room, Alex sets his bowl down, clanking the wooden spoon inside of it. He then leans against the counter across from him so we were facing each other, crossing his arms over his chest. I look back at him, a tad uncomfortable under his stare, but returned it nonetheless. I tried to stay strong, knowing exactly what he wanted to talk about.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he speaks, going straight to the matter at hand. I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. “Jasmine can be very…judgmental at times and I’m trying to talk to her about it. I just wanted to apologize for what she said and that I hope it didn’t offend you.”

I could feel my eyes sting and a lump forming in the back of my throat. I gulp it down dryly. “I don’t want to hear you apologize, Alex,” I tell him slowly and carefully.

“Rae—”

“I want to hear it from her.”

Alex takes a deep breath, his gaze still level with mine. The only sound we heard was the Saturday morning cartoons in the background and the sound of the sizzling pan on the stove. And when he opens his mouth to respond, we’re interrupted.

“Emma wants her breakfast now,” Jasmine was giggling, the sound of her steps and Emma’s smaller, softer ones entering the kitchen behind me.

My shoulders go stiff.

Alex notices my clenched jaw and goes over to Emma, bending down in front of her. “Why don’t you go get packed before you eat, kay?” he grins, pecking her forehead lovingly. I wince. “Then you and Mommy can eat breakfast together.” Emma squeals out an agreement before shooting off toward the stairs.

The tension turned cold once the toddler was out of the room, as if the air had been filled with a thick smoke of dry ice. My heart pounded messily.

“Jasmine,” Alex breaks the silence, “could you apolo—”

“No.”

I whip around upon hearing her immediate answer, my eyebrows raised and my gaze narrowed. Jasmine was glaring back at me defiantly, arms crossed tightly and lids slit closely.

“Listen, Alex,” she begins wryly, her voice thick full of venom, “I meant every word I said last night. You can’t make me change my opinion on someone.”

Before Alex could respond, I cut in.

I turn toward Jasmine, making sure I couldn’t see any ounce of Alex out of the peripherals of my vision. “It’s fine,” I say coolly. “I never asked her to change her opinion. If she wants to be stubborn, she can.” I hear Alex give a little intake of breath. “I don’t have anything to prove to her.”

Her teeth grind down against each other, perfect molars rubbing against perfect molars. “You have a whole hell of a lot to prove. After what you did to Alex? If I were him, I definitely wouldn’t have taken you in so easily.”

“Which is the huge difference between you and him.”

Jasmine couldn’t have looked any angrier. “God, no wonder he was so happy you ran out on him. You are a bitch.”

That was like a slap in the face. And not a slap where you have to wait for the sting to set in. A slap that shocked you the moment it hit, beating a bloody red that burned. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from calling her awful, awful names.

“Well then,” I smile sarcastically, “that settles it. Leave me and my daughter alone.”

As I push past her and an open mouthed Alex to get to the stairs, I hear her yelling after me. “You can’t just tell us to leave Emma alone!” Jasmine scoffs loudly. “She’s Alex’s daughter, too! We can fight for custody.”

I laugh without humor, spinning back around to look her in the face. “I’m not telling Alex to stay away. I’m telling you to stay away.”

The triumphant gleam whipped off her face the moment I said that.

“What?” she all but snapped.

I don’t answer and turn back around as I hear Emma thumping back down the stairs. I haul her into my arms and place her against my hip, flinging her bag over my shoulder. She looked puzzled. “Wha ’bout brethfest?” she whines.

“We’ll eat breakfast at Grandma and Grandpas,” I smile at her reassuringly. She just nods, her little brows creased in confusion still.

I look back at the couple behind me. “You can stop by to see her later, Alex,” I tell him, his face still shell-shocked. “I can handle you being around her. You’re her father. But right now, I’m not completely ready for Emma to have an evil stepmother just yet.”

Jasmine gasped dramatically as I pound out of their house, slamming the door.



As I paced back and forth in front of my bed, Emma sat watching me, chewing my thumbnail nervously until it started to hurt. She looks up from where she was playing with her stuffed bunny, her small head cocking to the side.

“Mommy, wha wrong?” she asks quietly.

I shake my head, barely glancing at her. “Nothing, honey. Just…thinking.”

Just as I start pacing again, I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I imagined the worst and go over and open it, breathing in relief to see it was my mom.

“What’s up?” I ask, feeling my racing heart calm down a bit.

She glances downstairs. “Alex is at the door for you.”

I felt my shoulders square at the sound of his name; I already suspected what he wanted to discuss. I blow out a breath before taking Emma’s hand and going out into the hallway, the sound of the breeze from outside drifting up to us from the open front door.

When I got to the first floor I immediately saw Alex and Jasmine standing on the outside of the threshold, his arm around her shoulders as she looked sullenly at the ground. I clear my throat to get their attention.

“What?” I ask, trying to keep the coldness out of my voice for Alex’s sake.

I was a tad unsuccessful.

Alex pushes his girlfriend forward slightly. “Jasmine has something she would like to say to you.” I instantly tighten my hold on Emma’s hand.

She looks up at me, her dark hair covering a part of her face. I could tell by the look in her eyes that this wasn’t voluntary; Alex was forcing her to do it. The defiance in her eyes said it all.

“Ravyn,” she begins, her voice tight, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said.”

There was absolutely no emotion behind the words, but I nod nonetheless.

“And?” Alex chimes, raising his eyebrows. She exhales loudly and slowly, squeezing her eyes tightly before popping them back open again and looking at me.

“If you are willing to forgive me, maybe we could be friends.” It was probably one of the most fake statements I’d ever heard come out of someone’s mouth, but at least she was doing this instead of throwing a hissy fit.

I glance at Alex, his gaze pleading, almost as if he were on his knees begging.

“Fine,” I reply tartly, looking back at Jasmine. The only reason I agreed was because I knew it killed Alex inside to see the two women in his life fighting.

Jasmine rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, before Emma screams, “Jazzy! Wanna play with me and Bunny?” My daughter holds up her stuffed animal, grinning up at the other woman. I felt a sour taste flood my mouth at the sight of Emma getting along with a woman who’d called me a bitch.

She smiles and bends down beside Emma, completely ignoring the glare I was sending her. Far off, I hear someone say quietly, “Rae?” I glance over my shoulder, Jasmine and Emma having not heard my name be called. “Can I talk to you?”

I nod before turning my back on Jasmine and Emma, going over to Alex.

He leans back against the wall of my house, stuffing his hands in his pocket. “I had a question for you.” His look said this was serious.

I raise a brow warily. “Kay. What’s up?”

“Jasmine will be gone next weekend for an internship gig at Elite Models. So, I was wondering, since she won’t be there, if I can have Emma for an entire weekend. She’ll come over Friday night after Jas leaves and you can pick her up Sunday afternoon.”

I felt myself warm all over at Alex’s offer, but a part of me still hesitated. I didn’t like being away from Emma for just one night, and two whole nights? That’s almost 72 hours.

“Sure,” I smile before I can get my brain to stop my mouth. “That’s fine.”

He breathes. “Good. I really want to spend this time with her.”

I nod. “Actually, is it okay if I come over just once a day to check on her? You know, kiss her goodnight or good morning or something? Just to ease my insides.”

Alex laughs, reaching out to pat my shoulder. Such an awkward move when he and I used to share the same bed. “Of course. Just tell me when you’ll be dropping by.” We both give each other a similar smile before we round back toward the front door, Jasmine and Emma sitting across from each other, playing with her stuffed bunny.

“Come on, Em,” I grin at my daughter. “Time for lunch.”

Emma stands, taking hold of my outstretched hand eagerly. “Bye, Jazzy!”

Jasmine was standing up, dusting herself off, when she waved and grinned at Emma. I try to ignore the pain in my chest during this exchange.

“Bye M&M!” she giggles, my heart dropping when I hear this new nickname.

Jasmine doesn’t even acknowledge me before she’s strutting toward Alex, who was waiting with his hand out for her to grab. Instead of taking hold of it, she wraps her body into his side, reaching out to tangle her arms around his neck, smashing his lips into a sloppy, tongue-filled kiss. A sour spot settles into the pit of my stomach as she pulls away from him and looks back at me over his shoulder, her hand coming up to wipe at her mouth as she sends me a smirk.

“Mommy?” Emma’s worried voice breaks through as the couple walks away.

I shake my head. “Come on. Let’s make grilled cheese.”