Fade Into You

She stumbled on her heels, pulling her sleeves back over her hands. She resisted against the tug on the side of her long-sleeved shirt. For early October in Arizona, it was surprisingly chilly. She couldn’t wait to leave the state. She’d always planned on going out of state for college; the further away she could get the better. If that far away happened to be warm, all the more reason to go.

“Astor, if you don’t pick up your heels, I swear to god I will leave you here.”

She grumbled, but complied. Astor shuffled along in the dirt, kicking up dust as she crossed the fairgrounds. Small pebbles found a home among her toes as she tried in vain to remove them.

Following her older brother to the booth, she dropped her bag down at the side of the old wooden stand and placed the box of extra napkins along the back wall. Chipped paint came off in her hand as she rested against the cart. Smells of hot food rose up from around her, and she sighed.

Her family hosted the cart every year at the Fest, and it was similar time after time. It was the same prizes, same sounds, and the same smells. Her nose filled with the scent of overly spiced foods and the crisp aroma of funnel cake. She could taste the salty meat in the air, and she smiled. The Fest was home, no matter how far she would go to get out of Arizona. It was the main reason she was so hesitant to leave—it didn’t matter where she went, they wouldn’t have the Fest. Not the same three days that Astor looked forward to each year.

The week’s worth of preparation and the bright red circle in permanent marker that outlined the date of the weekend of the Fest was routine to Astor. Every year, she sat through her dad murmuring in Italian or Greek, whatever heritage he claimed that week. The onslaught of family members called in to help from all corners of the state was expected, and Astor begrudgingly lent out her room to accommodate the masses.

Standing against the old-fashioned booth, Astor observed from out of the way. Tired of pushing past fat, sweating loads of people, she took comfort in the shade of the stand. As she watched the sun dip down below the horizon, the clamors for food heightened. Space began to decrease as people pushed in line, and brushed by without a second glance. It was still hot out, despite the decreasing temperatures. Heat rose up from the stand, and she groaned, pushing the sleeves of her shirt up. She’d known it was going to be chilly out but she hadn’t factored in the heat from the grills, choosing the light long-sleeved shirt for its proximity to her bed that morning instead of its practicality. The day before she’d been stuck on grill duty, spending the day and night turning the meat over, but not today. Her cousin Margo had taken over for her, and she smiled lightly in her direction.

Annoyed and hot, Astor stopped picking at the tears in the bottom of her shorts and slipped into the confines of the booth, seeking out her mother. She found her in the middle of the massive portable stoves, turning meat over the grills and fawning herself with a handmade fan.

“Mom?”

The woman turned to look at Astor, the bags under her eyes prominent and sweat running down the side of her face. Nora Malini was dark-haired, with an olive complexion and a few freckles staining her cheeks. She wasn’t skinny; the years of pasta and rich foods paying a price on her weight. She held a firm hand over Astor and her family: her dad, Nikos Malini, her sisters Lena and Cassie, and Astor’s brother, Finn.

She smiled warmly at the teenager and replied, “Yes, mia bella?”

“Do you guys still need me?” Astor asked, even though her presence hadn’t been noted all night.

“No, I think you’re good. Go have fun for me, all right? Go on a few rides.”

Patting her on the back, Nora slipped a roll of tickets into her back pocket and pushed her out the makeshift door.

Breaking away from the row of food, Astor went to explore. A few rides differed year to year, but the basics stayed intact. The Ferris Wheel stood dominant over the Fest, and the Carousel was in place next to the funnel cake and cotton candy displays. She lifted her head up, and gazed up at the Ferris Wheel.
The tall circular ride rose over the carnival, dark blue and red metal posts held it in place.

She threaded herself through the crowds, the multitudes of people in line and just standing around aimlessly watching the rides. Astor got in line for her favorite ride, one that took people up in twos and spun them around. Normally, she could get her cousin, Abby or brother Finn to go with her, but this time she found herself alone.

She reached into her back pocket, pulling the strip of tickets out. She fingered the frayed edges of the dull blue tickets, counting out five before slipping the remaining tickets back into her front pocket. As she stood in line, Astor turned around and watched the people. She saw multitudes of familiar faces, and even more unfamiliar. She watched one couple walking together, and another group of kids joking around. Silly string filled the air, and Astor pulled a few strands off herself before someone behind her shoved her forwards. She stumbled, catching herself on the metal bars in front of her.

Shooting a dark look behind her, she stepped up to the front of the line. She smiled shyly at the ticket man, a tall, scruffy man who had worked there as long as Astor could remember, shaking her head slightly when he asked if she had a partner.

“All right. A single it is,” he said, taking her tickets from her. The man smiled, ripping the ticket in half, tossing it into the already filled trashcan by his feet. Astor noticed it fall from the pile, resting by numerous others on the ground.

Astor walked forwards, putting her shoes off by the gate and padding over to the ride. She hopped up onto the seat, sliding across the cold metal. She lifted her hands to bring down the bar encasing herself into place when a hand reached out and stopped her.

“Can I sit here?”

A bright face shone down at her, and she caught a glimpse of brown hair and a big smile before nodding slowly. The boy awkwardly slipped into the seat next to her, tripping slightly as he kicked his shoes off towards the growing heap. He was warm and the heat seemed to hug at Astor.

Together, they pulled the bar down, strapping themselves in the seat. It was silent, save for the music and yelling that swirled around them. Astor shifted uncomfortably in the seat, realizing quickly that she was trapped in place: because of the heat, her thighs stuck to the red plastic. She slowly lifted her legs, sneaking a glance over to the boy beside her. She winced as she lifted her thighs off the seat, feeling the burn from where they’d been stuck.

“You okay?”

Astor nodded, a blush crawling up her cheeks. She hadn’t noticed the boy staring at her curiously until she turned to face him.

“I’m Kennedy.”

Caught off guard, she took the hand he held out, shaking it awkwardly.

He was cute, she’d give him that. But there was something in the way he was grinning at her that made Astor shift in the seat.

“You here by yourself?”

Astor raised her eyebrows, subconsciously scooting away from the boy looking eagerly at her. When she didn’t answer, he furrowed his brow, talking quickly. “What? Oh-I didn’t mean it like that, I promise. I just, uh, meant that most people go on these rides in pairs. And...well, you didn’t have anyone so I wondered if your friends were here and whether asking you to go on another ride was out of the question or not-”

“I’m here with family.”

“So does that mean you’ll go on another ride with me?”

Astor leaned back as the ride gave a start, moving upwards. Her grip on the bar tightened, and she inhaled sharply. She loved the ride, but she’d never been on it by herself. She hated heights, but she loved the thrill of the ride too much for her fears to keep her from enjoying herself. Astor had wanted to prove something to herself by going on it alone. But no, she was stuck with some random kid that wouldn’t take a hint.

“If you shut up.” She said with clenched teeth, closing her eyes tightly as the ride slowly climbed into the sky. She felt the familiar drop in her stomach as the ride lurched forward, and they started to spin. Her weight shifted towards the center of the seat, and Astor opened her eyes as she felt a second body collide softly with hers.

He smiled apologetically, and shifted as far away from her as the ride would allow. He looked cautious.
Astor felt bad for snapping at him; it wasn’t his fault he’d joined her on a ride that terrified her.

Astor stifled a giggle as he slid across the seat, colliding with her again. The ride made it impossibility for the two not to be touching. She took a deep breath when the ride stopped spinning, calming down enough for Kennedy to inch away from her. They smiled awkwardly as their arms bumped into one another.

“So was that a yes?” He asked nervously as the ride lowered, skidding to a stop. He lifted the bar as she fiddled with the buckle on the seatbelt strapping them in.

“Look, I just want to be left alone, okay? I’m not sure if that line works on other girls but I’m not interested.”

Grabbing her shoes from the pile near the ride, Astor slid them on. Smiling faintly at the man collecting tickets, she rushed from the ride. She could see the boy following her out of the corner of her eye and she smiled. No one knew the Fest better than her. Pausing behind a large cart filled with fried food, she slipped in between the hot dog stand and a game stand. She found herself outside of one of the large convention buildings, panting heavily. Astor glanced around, relieved to see that Kennedy was nowhere in sight.

Turning, she opened the door to the building. She smiled when she noticed it was the art displays. When she was little, she’d race her brother to find their school among the paintings and sculptures. She’d always vowed to have her work up there one day, but it never happened. She had focused on sports and dance, leaving the dreams of drawings behind.

Someone placed their hand on her shoulder and Astor froze, closing her eyes. She had visions of

Kennedy standing behind her, that stupid grin on his face. Turning slowly, she smiled to see her brother standing there.

“I’ve been calling out your name for the last ten minutes, Astor.”

“Sorry Finn. Wasn’t paying attention.” She smiled up at her brother, who was staring down at her, annoyance all over his face.

“Mom wanted me to look for you. She said something about you dropping some of your tickets?”

With a confused look, Astor slipped her hand into her front pocket. She felt the edges of the tickets her mom had given her earlier. Pulling them out, she counted the sheets.

“I’m not missing any.”

“Must have been someone else. I dunno. Do you want them?”

Astor shrugged, tucking the tickets into her back pocket. “I don’t really care. Maybe we could use them to go on rides together? Remember when we used to-”

“Can’t. Sorry, squirt. Emily and I are gonna walk around. It’s her first year here, so I said I’d show her around.”

She leaned around Finn, locking eyes with his girlfriend, Emily. She sent her a small smile. Astor genuinely liked the girl. She was shorter than Finn but she kept him on his toes. Astor sighed, looking back over at her brother.

“M’kay. Maybe next year or something. Any idea when we’re leaving tonight?”

“Bored already, Ash? It’s only like, seven. The sun just went down.”

She bit back her response, settling for a simple shake of her head. “I’ll see you later, Finn.”

With a wave behind her, Astor headed towards the door. She pushed past the stressed moms trying to find their children, and the bored kids following their parents around. Finding her way outside, she sat down on the steps. She quickly retied the shoelace that had come undone and tucked the extra laces into the sides of her shoes. She put her head down on her knees, closing her eyes. It had already been a long day. There was nothing she wanted more than to go home and collapse into bed. But even if she could leave the Fest early, there were people staying in her room. Astor groaned, realizing her best prospect was an uncomfortable sleeping bag on the floor of the living room.

“Hey.”

She lifted her head, and seeing the tall, lanky legs in front of her, promptly dropped it again. “Go away, kid.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m older than you, so calling me a kid probably isn’t accurate.”

“I’m not interested, okay?” She looked back up at him, her voice dry and bored.

She got up, dusting off her shorts and headed in the opposite direction. She sighed, grateful to be momentarily rid of him. A now familiar voice sounded in the distance.

“Give me a second chance. Or even your name.”

“I never gave you a first chance. Don’t you get it? Do I really have to spell it out for you? There’s a reason I never gave you my name. I’m not interested in your games or your stories or anything about you. I was doing just fine before you came along. I just want to be left alone.”

She’d whirled around, snapping in his face. Taking in the shocked look and the hurt in his eyes, she almost reconsidered. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t his fault she was tired and hadn’t slept in several days, the looming college decisions keeping her up all night. All she wanted was to get away from this place; not have to worry about one more person standing in the way of that.

He raised his hands in defeat, uttering a soft apology before turning around. She watched as he slipped his hands into his front pockets, his shoulders curving in.

She waited a few seconds, squeezing her eyes shut. Subconsciously, she was beating herself up. An apology rested on the tip of her tongue, because she did want to know more. Or at least she didn’t want him to think she was a bitch. He even seemed genuinely nice.

“Kennedy! Wait!”

The boy stopped, not bothering to turn around. Astor could faintly hear him speaking, but his voice was lost to the carnival music and noise around them. She tentatively walked up behind him, grabbing his wrist.

“I thought you wanted to be left alone.” He turned, and Astor blushed. She hadn’t expected the small grin on his face or the teasing lilt to his words.

”Well, I…uh, guess I changed my mind.” she trailed off slowly. She could feel the red in her cheeks darken, and she glanced down at the ground, littered with used cups and trash.

He stepped up to her, smiling. “Give me another shot? I’m not that bad. And it looks like you could use the company.”

“You’re not gonna go away, are you?”

“Nope.” He shook his head, looking amused with himself. He had brushed off her confession, ready with the quick retorts.

She rolled her eyes and motioned towards the fair laid out in front of them. “On with it, then. Entertain me.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Well it’s either that, or I walk away right now.” She shrugged, “Your choice.”

“What’s your favorite ride?”

They started walking, him closer to her than she would have liked. He was nice enough, she supposed.

Talked a little too much, but definitely nice. She smiled up at him, a smirk tilting the sides of her lips.

“Not telling. You’ll have to guess.”

“But there are at least thirty rides here!”

“You’d better guess correctly then, eh?”

He stopped suddenly, causing Astor to almost trip over his feet. “And if I do? Guess correctly, I mean.”
He raised his eyebrows, silently challenging her.

She shrugged, pushing on Kennedy’s shoulder to move again. “Maybe I’ll let you take me out, for real.”

“Better start thinking of what to wear, sweetcheeks. Because that date is mine.”

Astor rolled her eyes at his cocky smile. “Let’s just go, okay?

“It could be the Tilt-a-Whirl, but you don’t seem the type to enjoy that. Same with the Ferris Wheel. To me, it would be too slow for you. You want something faster, more exciting. What about that giant one where they drop you?” He paused, glancing over at Astor. He saw her wince and shook his head slowly.

“Not big on heights I take it? That crosses off the Drop, the Swings and about half the rides here.”

He was following her now, rattling off lists of rides and attempting to sneak peeks in her direction in order for a hint as to the right one. She ignored him, weaving her way through the crowds.

She smiled as she came up to another ride and wordlessly passed over double the amount of tickets, pulling on Kennedy’s sleeve. He glanced over at the name of the ride as she led him to one of the rows of seats.

“Top Spin? Really?”

Astor merely nodded, leaning over him as she buckled them in. “It doesn’t go upside down, and I don’t have to worry about falling off.”

“But it goes up pretty high, doesn’t it? I thought you didn’t like heights.” Astor smiled softly as she noticed the concern printed across his face. She hadn’t known him an hour and he was looking out for her.

“I was under the impression you would protect me from you know, the big bad scary heights. Especially since I’m in need of such protection, being strapped in and all.”

Astor rolled her eyes as Kennedy’s expression changed from proud to hurt to confused.

“Can I have a hint?”

She smiled at Kennedy before leaning back in the seat and closing her eyes. She loved feeling the wind whip her hair back and the drop in her stomach as the ride fell and rose. “It’s fun.”

“That’s not a hint.” She could hear the disappointment in his tone and she could help but grin.

“It is.”

“You’re impossible.” He paused, waiting for her reaction. When she didn’t move he sighed, leaning back in the seat with his arms folded. “So I can’t even know your name, and the only thing you’ve told me is that you don’t like heights. I know that your favorite ride is ‘fun,’ but other than that I know nothing about you.”

Astor tilted her head up, opening one eye. “I’ll be eighteen in a few weeks. I’ve got an older brother and two sisters. I used to dance, and I’ve been coming to the Fest every year I can remember. There’s not much to know.”

Kennedy was staring straight ahead, nodding as she spoke. “Used to dance? You don’t anymore?”

She glanced over at him, hesitating. It wasn’t something she talked about, not even with Finn or any of her friends. “I just don’t.”

He shot her a quick look, but didn’t press. She was glad for the way he immediately changed the subject, veering as far as possible off topic.

“I’ve always wanted to try one of those fried twinkies.” Astor glanced over to see Kennedy dangling over the side of the ride, staring at the ground towards the line of food stands.

“No you don’t.”

“I do.”

Just the thought made Astor want to hurl. On a dare from her brother several years ago, she’d eaten ten of them in a row, beating him by two. She’d gained twenty bucks, the satisfaction of beating him, and a stomachache for a week and a half. It was worth it at the time, but the memory still made her sick.

“Just trust me on this one, okay? Avoid them.” She said grimly as the ride slowed to a stop, and they impatiently waited for everyone in front of them to get off.

“Why should I trust you? I don’t even know your name.”

Astor rolled her eyes, but moved forward anyway. Kennedy’s grin stretched from ear to ear, the dimples around his mouth crinkling with amusement. Astor’s phone buzzed in her back pocket, and with a quick look back towards Kennedy, she reached for it. The time yelled at her from the screen, the red numbers blaring. She knew the drill. It meant that soon, the Fest would close, sending all of its patrons home, and the real work would begin for her. She had a long night of packing everything up from her family’s booth. Soft footsteps behind her reminded her that she wasn’t alone and she turned to look at Kennedy.

She hadn’t realized quite how tall or lanky he was, but he stood just a little too close, and Astor glanced down at her hands, a blush crawling up the back of her neck.

“Everything okay?”

She nodded, knowing that if she opened her mouth, she would have no control over what she said.
“I just…have to go.”

She hadn’t expected his grin to fade so easily, a look of disappointment crossing his features. “I…”

He looked up at her, waiting for her to finish.

“I have time for one more ride, before I leave. I wouldn’t want to waste the tickets.”

“No, you wouldn’t want that.”

It was worth the look on his face, and her smile easily matched his. As she led the way, it was the first time all night that Kennedy hadn’t filled their silence with his endless chatter. She ran her fingers through her hair, and wished there was something she could say instead, to tell him a story about Finn or her sisters, anything to do her part in keeping things going. She felt the words on the tip of her tongue, but still she hesitated, unable to push them past her lips. Astor’s feet knew the way as they carried her back across the Fest, coming to stop at the very first ride she’d been on.

“This one?”

“Yup. This one.” She glanced happily up at the ride, simultaneously handing the man her ticket. Kennedy followed her as she hopped onto the seat, scooting over to make room for him.

“You tricked me.”

She smiled, grinning at the frown plastered across his face. “I didn’t.”

“But you did!”

“I never said it wasn’t a ride I hadn’t been on yet. You didn’t ask.”

“So does this mean I still get my second chance?”

She raised her eyebrows, shaking her head. “You didn’t guess.”

He settled into the seat beside her, pulling the bar down across their laps. “But you told me anyway.”

Astor glanced down at her hands, her words mumbled, “Maybe I wanted you to know.”

His familiar grin inched its way across his face as Kennedy looked down at her, “I’m glad.”

As the ride started to move, she found herself holding her hand out to Kennedy, as he’d done only hours
before. Who knew where she’d end up for school, whether it would be in Arizona or hundreds of miles away, and maybe she did want someone to know her story. The only thing she was sure of was the lanky boy sitting next to her, his captivating grin making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and the fact that he was staring at her.

“I’m Astor.”