Beautiful Remains

Everyone was inside eating. As for me, I was sitting at the edge of the pool, watching the ripples flow across the water. I heard the door open, but didn't turn to see who it was. "Stai bene, amico?" Dean.

"Io non lo so. Io davvero non lo so," I replied, surprised that my Italian was still good. I looked over when Dean sat down next to me. "Perché devo rovinare bene tutto quello che succede a me?"

Dean sat there for a moment before responding. When he looked at me, I know he was going to answer me truthfully. "Rifiuto. Non sei mai stato in grado di prendere rifiuto facilmente. Che cosa avete fatto prima, lo farò più dolorosa. Hai avuto modo di fare le cose bene, o si sta andando ad essere in un mondo pieno di dolore emotivo." I looked away and nodded, knowing he was right. Dean squeezed my shoulder. "Non si scherza su questo prima del suo inizio."

He stood up and walked back inside, leaving me here with my thoughts. After a few minutes, I stood up and went inside, looking around the house until I found Quintin. When his eyes met mine, I could see the tears forming in his eyes. My heart clenched and I pulled him out to the pool, needing to talk to him privately. I stood there for a few minutes, not knowing how to start.

Taking a deep breath, I turned to Quintin, taking in his curious face. "Words can't explain how deeply sorry I am for hurting you like I did. I had no right to pester you about what happened. I know that if I was meant to know, you'd tell me." Quintin nodded, sitting down at the edge of the pool. He patted a spot next to him and I sat down. "In all honesty, I'm just scared. Scared of rejection. That's why I pestered you, I was trying to push you away before you could do that to me."

"Will..." he whispered, causing me to look at him. I studied him for a moment before I realized that I needed to continue.

"Quintin, I know I can trust you. Granted I've known you for a short time, but I can just look at you and know I can." Quintin nodded and slowly moved his legs in the water. "I've never had a parent in my life. My bio mom gave me up when I was born, and I lived in the foster home until I was eighteen -- no one would adopt me. Every time someone would come in, they'd get to know me, only to say that I wasn't the type of kid they were looking for."

"That's horrible," I heard Quintin whisper, sympathy in his words.

"Not long after I moved into my own place, I met Dean and Geoff. We became close in just a few weeks," I said, looking up at the stars. I sighed. "It was then I realized that not all people are cruel. When my eyes landed on you, I knew I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be happy with you -- like Chase and Dean, in all honesty. I realized, though, if I were to be able to reach that goal with you, I had to trust you -- and vise versa."

Quintin wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder. "You're not going to be mad if I don't tell you about my past right away are you?" I shook my head.

"No, not at all. It was wrong of me to try and get you to tell me," I said, smiling. "But the worst of what happened to me has yet to come."

"Worse than not having a parent around for your entire life?" Quintin asked, looking up at me. I nodded, gazing down at him.

"When I was fifteen, I was heading home from the movies. It was around 2:30 AM, seeing how I watched two different movies -- the first one at midnight. I had a boyfriend at the time, and we were going to be celebrating our three year anniversary later that day," I said, my mind going back to that dreadful night.

Flashback

I was a block from the foster home, shivering from the cold of the night. The foster home came into view and I sped up, wanting to be inside. Before I could get about a hundred feet away, I felt someone grab me --- that was the last I remembered.

When I awoke, I was tied down on a bed, my clothes stripped off of me. "Anyone here?" I asked into the dark room, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Shut the fuck up, Willy," I heard a voice say rather harshly. Justin. My boyfriend. The one guy who I trusted more than anyone. "It's time you gave me something, and I plan to take it real soon."

"What the fuck are you talking about? My virginity? You have that. My love? You have that. What else is there to take?" I spat, my anger raging through me.

"You're life," he said simply. I didn't get scared, just more angry. I studied the rope he tied me with and realized he tied my right arm wrong -- it was loose enough that I could slide my hand through.

After about fifteen minutes, he sat down on my chest, a knife raised over his head. I slipped my hand through inconspicuously and -- as he started bringing the knife down -- redirected it to where it went through his chest. I know it wouldn't kill him, just stun him for a while. When he started getting off, I pulled the knife out of him and cut the rest of the ropes.

I saw where my clothes were and walked over to them. After getting my boxers and pants on, I walked over to Justin, the knife held tight in my hand. I didn't say anything, just looked at Justin, a look of horror and anger in his eyes. Before I could talk myself out of it, I cleanly took the blade against his throat, watching him fall to the ground in a heap. His breathing soon came to a stop and I dropped the knife grabbing my shirt and jacket.

I walked away, not bothering trying to cover anything up. All I knew was that I just killed someone -- and I didn't feel bad about it. I was relieved, knowing that he wouldn't be able to kill anyone. Not now, not ever.

I came out from the flashback, only to realize that I was shaking. "Have you .... killed anyone else since then?" I heard Quintin ask softly.

"No. I knew that if I got close to anyone -- aside from Dean and Geoff -- that I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. That's why I was pushing you away. I don't want to push you away, though. I truly care for you, Quintin. I know that my anger would never get away from me if I were with you." I removed my shirt, throwing it in some random direction. Standing up, I removed my pants and my shoes.

I jumped into the pool, needed to feel the water cascade over my body and relieve my tension.