A Boob

On a Friday evening in early December, I was sitting in the kitchen alone, drinking a glass of bourbon and wearing this old Rolling Stones concert t-shirt I hadn't worn since I was about twenty-six. Carolyn had been gone all day; she'd gone to a couple of teaching seminars. She'd called me at around three to tell me that she was going out with a couple of teacher friends from work; going shopping and to dinner, and she would probably be home around eight o'clock. Since it had been a Pro-D day for public schools, my Friday students had opted to take the day off from voice lessons as well. So I'd decided to spend the day drinking.

I glanced at the clock. Carolyn would be home in an hour, maybe less. I sighed and looked down at my almost empty glass, feeling drunk and weepy. This Friday was Shawna's Jesus Christ Superstar audition. She'd decided that she was going to really put herself out there and sing the Phantom song in the key of Mary Magdalene's big number in the show. I'd given Shawna my cell phone number, so that she could call me beforehand if she was nervous. Her audition had been that morning and she did call me, rambling on about how she was going to vomit (or 'blow chunks' to use her lovely words), and not letting me get in a word of advice edge-wise. She hadn't called me back to tell me how it went. This may seem pathetic, but I'd been more or less waiting around on Shawna's call all day. I hadn't had much else to do-

My cell vibrated in my jeans' pocket. I dug it out clumsily and looked at the caller ID. It was Shawna's cell phone number. I answered it.

"Hi," I said.

"Oh my God it was awful! I totally freaked out and went with Liza and it was just... oh God... can you meet me at The Buck? Please, I really need you, Thomas," Shawna said in rush. The Buck and Ear was a bar not too far from where I lived.

"I'll be there," I decided.

Shawna hung up and then I did as well. I blinked, feeling a bit drunk, but also very focused. I put down my almost empty glass of whiskey and stood up.

I took off my wedding ring and turned it over in my hand. I walked over to the entrance hallway and put on my jacket. I glanced down the hall towards my bedroom, contemplating grabbing a duffel bag and throwing some clothes in it. I didn't, though, and just walked out the door, locking it behind me. I walked down the empty carport and out into the complex. Carolyn and I just have the one car, since she lives so close to her work, but she'd taken it with her today since I didn't have work and she had plans to actually to do something with her day other than sit around and drink whiskey.

I walked to the Buck and Ear, turning my wedding ring over in my jacket pocket. My breath clouded in front of me, but the liquor I'd already consumed kept my body warm. The romantic novelty of strolling through the streets at night wore off, though, by the time I was out of my neighbourhood, and I speed-walked through Steveston Village. The pretty little landmark of mom-and-pop style shops was done up with festive, twinkling lights, welcoming the holiday season. I hurried down the sidewalk past the fish and chip restaurants and novelty knick-knack stores and then ducked into the Buck and Ear, keen to get out of the freezing night air.

I was immediately greeted with a rush of warmth and rambunctious laughter. The Buck is a pub that boasts plenty of wood structure and accenting, a fireplace, and an actual stuffed buck's head with an impressive set of antlers over the fireplace mantel. I looked around the bar for Shawna and quickly spotted her. She was sitting a high table, drinking from a bottle of beer.

Shawna did a casual sweep of the bar and spotted me.

"Thomas!" she greeted me with a grin. She slid off her stool and jogged over to me, hanging on to her beer bottle by its neck.

"Hi-" I began but broke off when she kissed my cheek. I blushed and swallowed and clutched my wedding ring.

"I'm so glad you came! I wasn't sure that you would," Shawna breathed, pulling away from me and smiling. Her breath smelled strongly like warm beer.

I smiled at her. "Well, you asked me to," I reminded her.

"Right, I know. Or, like, I remember," she rolled her eyes and then sighed. She closed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead. "Oh God, Thom, it was so stupid. My runs- holy hell, I sounded like a stage virgin on crack, I was so performance-y. Ugh, like, I sang it good-"

"Well," I corrected her before I could stop myself. I blinked. Had I really just corrected her grammar?

"Sang it well," Shawna repeated without a second thought. "But it had absolutely no heart or vulnerable...ness... at all! I was, I was scared," she admitted with a shrug, slapping her free against her hip and shaking her head at the ground. "I was scared. I was scared to be emotional and so I completely blew it."

Shawna looked up at me again and her large brown eyes were shiny and expressive, like she was about to cry. I raised my eyebrows and licked my bottom lip quickly; nervous that she would start crying and I'd be inept at comforting her.

"I'm sorry. I totally failed you," she said with a deep sigh of regret.

I chuckled breathlessly and looked away from her intense gaze. "You didn't fail me at all, Shaw. I'm sure you did the best- well not the best you could, but you gave it a good shot..." I trailed off and looked at Shawna.

She raised her eyebrows and hiccupped quietly, the slight jump of her chest giving the hiccup away.

"You really only failed yourself," I half smiled at her.

Shawna sighed and nodded, rolling her eyes around. After a moment of silence, she waved her hands. "Anyway," she said, her hands flapping about. "Let's have a drink."