This Moment was Held for Me

“Thanks,” I said as my Mom placed my dinner before me. We were eating at the table together but little did she know how upset and nervous I was feeling.
“You’re welcome,” she said with a smile as she sat down.
I picked at my phone but every now and then looked down at my mobile which I had placed on my lap. I was hoping for a message from Frank but I doubted it would come. I had messaged him several times today, wanting to know if he was available to talk, but he hadn’t replied yet.
“Don’t spend too much time on the phone,” my Mother scolded me.
I looked up at her, “Oh,” I said weakly, “I am waiting for a message from a friend.”
“Check it after dinner,” she said firmly.
I sighed and placed the phone out of view.
“Mia,” she began in an attempt to make conversation, “When’s Amanda coming over?”
“Soon,” I said looking at the clock, “Her parents wanted to have dinner with her first.”
Mom nodded in response but soon silence fell between us.
“Are you alright?” she soon asked me.
I bit my lip and considered explaining everything that was on my mind. My eyes shifted to my mobile phone.
My mother interrupted my thoughts, “You can’t let friendship problems upset you Mia,” she pressed, “I don’t want to see you waiting around for other people your whole life. Remember you’ve got other important things to focus on. Graduation and final exams are coming up soon!” She was using her helpful voice but for some reason I felt as though she was pressuring me rather than giving me friendly advice.
I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, “Yeah, I know,” I began, “But there is something I’d actually – “
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and my conversation was interrupted. All confidence I had in discussing my issues with Mom was lost. I sat there in surprised silence.
“That will be Amanda,” Mom finally said pointing to the door.
“Oh,” I said dumbly. I felt like I was a step behind everything that was happening around me.
“Will you answer the door?” she prompted.
“Yeah,” I sighed as I removed myself from the table.

I led Amanda up to my room and together we sat down on my bed. Moo was sitting on the bed and she meowed up at us. I gave her a pat before turning to Amanda glumly.
“Feeling okay?” she asked.
I shrugged before answering her, “Not really. I keep going over in my head everything that has gone on between Frank and I lately. I’m beginning to realize how unfair I’ve been,” I said sadly.
“I know,” Amanda nodded, “You said that on the phone.”
I held back a frown. Why couldn’t Amanda just listen to me politely? Frankie meant so much to me and I was freaked out by the thought that I had treated him wrongly.
“Yeah,” I breathed out, “Well I’m just really upset about it. I know it’s my fault, but things just happened so quickly, you know? I just kept avoiding my Mom. She just puts so much pressure on me. And not just about boys; about everything. Even at dinner she was going on about graduation and staying focused,” I continued.
Amanda looked bored but she nodded in response.
“Are you listening to me?” I asked after a pause.
She looked away from her fingernails to look up at me, “Yeah,” she said casually.
“Well it doesn’t seem like it,” I said quietly.
She rolled her eyes, “It’s not like you’ve been listening to me.”
“About what?” I said suddenly confused, “I was the one talking. Not you.”
She stared at me with a sarcastic look, “Really, Mia? Gee, I didn’t notice it was just you doing all of the talking.”
“Well yeah,” I spluttered, “I’m upset!”
Amanda’s emotions suddenly gushed out, “Well what about me? You’ve been so caught up in talking about yourself and Frank that you’ve forgotten about me again! Last night, you left my house knowing that I had been with Gerard and you still haven’t even bothered to ask what happened between us.”
I blinked slowly before responding, “I’m sorry. I was just so upset with Frank…” I trailed off. A sick feeling in my stomach began to grow. I felt like everything was moving so fast and in the wrong direction; but there was nothing I could do to change its path.
I continued, “I’ve just been doing so much thinking about how I treated Frank. I didn’t stop to ask you.”
Amanda frowned, “I bet you didn’t even think about how you’ve been treating me lately!”
I reached out to grab her hand as a gesture of apology, “Amanda, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what –“
Amanda snatched her hand away from me quickly and stood up, “Save it, Mia. You said that last time on the phone. I’m sick of hearing the same story from you. You whine about Frank and you whine about your Mom. But what do you actually do to fix the situation? Nothing. Just sort your shit out, okay?” Amanda stormed out and left me sitting on the bed with my mouth open. I started crying as the feeling of losing something important settled in.

I woke up on Monday morning to the sound of my Mom clattering around in the kitchen. During breakfast she had given me a lecture about focusing on school this week. She claimed that I had spent all weekend socializing instead of studying. Little did she know how much I would have preferred to stay home and study rather than fight with the most important people in my life. I texted Frank before I left to school; asking whether he could please see me so we could talk. But when I checked my phone during lunch break, there was still no reply. During classes, Amanda didn’t speak to me. I handed her a note which I had written earlier that morning but instead of accepting it she pushed it back into my hands and repeated the same advice she gave me last night about sorting my issues out. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I felt like I had endured an emotional battering. I battled the pre-winter wind as I slowly trudged around the corner to the comic book store. Not only did I have work, but I was in desperate need of a pick me up which I was certain Gerard would be able to provide. Before I had a chance to greet him, Gerard spoke up from behind the counter.
“Ah!” he breathed out dramatically, “Ms Mia Edwards, in the flesh; the girl that everyone is talking about,” he said with a smirk.
“Who told you?” I asked sadly.
“They both have, obviously,” he answered.
I grimaced at him before walking around the counter and opening my arms out for a much need hug.
“No,” he waggled a finger at me, “I’m not going over to the dark side.”
“What?” I said with surprise.
His serious face suddenly broke into a grin, “I’m kidding. You sure have fucked up but I love you, sugar.”
I smiled up at him as we embraced, “Thanks Gee,” I mumbled.
We broke apart and Gerard leaned back against the counter. I sipped on my coffee which he had bought me, as tradition, and was thankful for a friend like Gerard.
“What are you gonna do?” he finally said as he watched me carefully.
I chewed on my lip, “I think the first thing I should do is talk to my Mom. I want to start this whole process off honestly.”
“Process?” he repeated with interest.
“Yeah,” I explained, “I need to begin the process of apologizing. I’ve realized how many people I’ve hurt by avoiding confrontation with my Mom. Effectively, I’ve hurt Mom anyway because I’ve been sneaking and lying behind her back,” I swallowed guilty, “I’ve also hurt Frank by ignoring him and dragging the same issue on and on. And now, I’ve hurt Amanda by neglecting her.”
Gerard nodded seriously before suddenly saying with a cackle, “I like that I am the only one you didn’t screw over!”
I gave Gerard a weak smile. I know he was trying to lighten the mood but I felt too guilty to laugh flippantly with him.
Gerard looked at me knowingly, “Listen,” he said comfortingly, “It’s going to be okay. Frank is crazy about you. In fact, that is what he is really upset about. He feels like he likes you way more than you like him.”
I shook my head, “But I do like him so much! Frank is basically my ideal type! I think that I almost got so swept up in meeting someone I finally liked that I got too scared to talk to Mom about him. It’s not an excuse; but I’ve never had a boyfriend so maybe that’s why I didn’t handle this…well,” I finished lamely.
Gerard thought for a moment before answering, “Actually, I do remember you telling me that you had never met your type yet and that you were really picky. How ironic that by finally meeting your type you get so nervous that you’re rendered incapable of declaring it to those who count…” he mused.
I rolled my eyes, “Thanks for being so poetic about my love life Gerard.”
He looked at me with amusement, “For being lyrical, sugar. I don’t write poems. I write lyrics.”
“Right,” I smiled weakly.
“So,” I began again, “How mad is he?” I asked Gerard.
Gerard rubbed the back of his neck, “I wouldn’t say mad. He is more sad than mad.”
I nodded thoughtfully. Suddenly a customer came in and interrupted our conversation.
“Frank is a really sensitive guy,” Gerard added quickly before turning his attention to the customer.
“I know,” I said softly, mostly to myself, as I thought about the lyrics Frank had written; his confessions about how he felt; his constant text messages; his persistence to hang out often. Everything Frank did was driven by heartfelt emotion. That’s what I really loved about Frankie.
Slowly, a strange feeling of realization came over me. Heartfelt emotion. It was a beautiful thing. Why be scared of it? If I truly liked Frankie then I should completely embrace those feelings by telling Mom and just coping with whatever she has to say. I promised to myself, then and there, that from now on I would do everything with heartfelt emotion and honesty.
Unfortunately, that didn’t mean everyone would easily forget what I had done.