This Moment was Held for Me

Standing in the middle of the dance floor, Frank Iero was with another girl. She was grinding her hips to the beat of the music and had her arms wrapped around his neck. I stood there, stunned at the scene before me. She leant her head to the side and kissed Frank hard on the lips. For a moment he didn’t return the kiss. But soon they looked like all the other couples dancing and making out at the party. I felt sick. I heard Gerard swear and Amanda gasp in the background. My vision blurred over as hot tears swelled. I wanted to get away from the scene before me immediately. As I ran back into the house I bumped into someone.
“Whoa,” a familiar voice said as they steadied me with their hands, “You okay Mia?” It was Toby. He looked at me with a frown, “What’s wrong?”
I furiously wiped my tears away. I didn’t want to explain.
“Did someone hurt you?” he asked, true concern laced his voice.
“No,” I swallowed back a sob, “It’s fine. He’s just an asshole. Forget it.”
Toby looked around in an attempt to identify who I was talking about but just ended up being confused.
“You sure I can’t do anything?” he checked again.
I wiped yet another tear away, “Yeah, seriously,” I said as I grabbed his hand and led him over to the drink counter.
“Will you drink with me?” I asked him.
He smiled at me, “Straight vodka, I’m guessing?”
I laughed weakly, which sounded more like a mixture of bitter laughter and a sob, and nodded.
“Okay, for you I will,” he said grinning and pouring me a shot.
After two more shots, I had a seriously head spin. My tears had stopped and the hurt I felt turned to anger. Frank had moved on. He had forgotten about me. He didn’t turn up to Graduation because he really didn’t care…I downed another shot of vodka to stop these thoughts.
“C’mon,” I said to Toby as I grabbed his hand again, “Let’s dance.”
He seemed surprised, probably because of my mood swings, but agreed anyway. We found our way to the dance floor inside and were squished against each other because the sheer number of other couples.
“Toby?” I said.
“Yeah,” he said looking down at me.
“Don’t kiss me or anything,” I said.
He seemed taken aback again, “Uh..”
“It’s not that I don’t like you,” I slurred.
“Okay,” he said in confusion.
“I just really love someone else, okay?”
“Oh,” he said.
“Yeah,” I half slurred - half sighed to him as I leant my head into his chest.
His hands snaked around my waist to support me.
“You’ve drunk way too much,” he whispered in my ear.
“Mm,” I said.
“But I respect what you said, Mia. I’ll look after you tonight, I promise,” he said.
“Thanks Toby,” I mumbled into his chest as he patted my hair.
We continued to stand close to each other and sway to the music. After a few songs, Toby whispered down into my ear again, “Mia?” he said hesitantly.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to get you some water,” he said, “You sort of look like you’re about to pass out.”
I laughed at him in response.
“I’m serious,” he said, “Do you think you’ll be okay to stand here for a minute?”
“Yes!” I laughed again, “I’m fine!”
He sighed and quickly walked away to find some water. When I looked up again, still smiling to myself, Frank stood before me.
I stumbled back in shock and accidentally bumped a kissing couple. I looked back up at Frank in surprise.
“What are you doing with him?” Frank asked me angrily. The stench of rum was on his breath.
I looked at Frank indignantly and turned to walk away. He didn’t even deserve a response. He grabbed my wrist roughly though and brought me closer to him.
“Hey!” I yelled at him, “Let me go,” I said as I continued to wriggle from his grip.
“You moved on quickly,” he said to me bitterly.
I tore my wrist angrily from his hand and matched his anger when I said, “Don’t fucking talk to me about moving on quickly. I saw you with that girl on the dance floor.”
Frank looked at me but said nothing. I think he was probably too drunk for his brain to process what I was saying fast enough.
“And for your information,” I said, “Toby is just a friend. I had the decency to tell him that I still was in love with someone else.”
Frank looked at me with a mixture of shock and anger.
“In love?” he repeated, blinking his eyes.
I looked at him with tears in my eyes, “I thought I was.”
He took another step towards me, “You never told me,” he said quieter. He seemed so sober and serious, “I didn’t think you loved me,” he said again.
I gulped, “Yeah well I do.”
Frank scooped me into his arms, “You know I love you too,” he said.
I pushed against his chest as a few tears slipped out and ran down my cheeks, “Don’t Frank,” I said pathetically.
His grip tightened, “I love you, Mia,” he repeated again as he looked into my eyes, “And I’m so sorry for being such an asshole tonight.”
“Let go of me,” I repeated, still crying.
He shook me, trying to get me to calm down, as I continued to resist his embrace. Suddenly, exhaustion and alcohol took the better of me and I slumped into his chest with a sob.
“How could you?” I mumbled. “Why did you kiss her..”
He started rubbing my back comfortingly, “I know,” he said regretfully, “I fucked up. I was far too drunk. Just let me explain, okay?”
I listened intently to his explanation; the familiarity of his warmth and voice was calming despite my anger towards him.
He continued to hold me close as he spoke softly into my ear, “Listen, I know I should have been there for your Graduation ceremony. Gee and I thought we’d make it,” he sighed and continued on, “But our show ran late and we missed it so we decided to just meet you here. Gerard and I tried to call you but the phone lines were out.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you hooked up with that girl,” I interrupted snappily.
“Mia,” he continued, “Once we arrived here I freaked out. I realized that tonight we were actually going to see each other again. I didn’t know whether you still wanted to be with me, or whether you’d gotten over me or what. I was already drunk. And then I saw that girl, and she kissed me, and I didn’t think. I fucked up; I know. I’m so sorry,” he finished.
I lifted my head off his shoulder to look at his expression. He looked genuine. He also looked regretful.
I sighed, “Why would you think that didn’t want to be with you anymore? You’re the one that never replied to my letter or came by the house to talk,” I said pointedly.
“I never came by because I was still pissed about what went on between us. It really hurt me for ages about the fact that you never just confronted your Mom for me. I thought it meant you didn’t care enough,” he explained.
I shook my head in an attempt to process all that had happened in such a short time period. My brain could only fully register two important things: that Frank was here with me now, and that we were both sorry for our respective mistakes.
“It sounds like we’re both sorry then,” I eventually said after a silence between us.
“I really am,” he repeated, apologizing.
Another silence settled on us. His hands settled on my waist as my arms draped around his neck. We looked like any other slow dancing couple.
“Frank?” I said, breaking the silence.
“Yes?”
“Are you here now?” I said, “With me?”
He looked down at me with a weak smirk, “Are you here with me?”
I smiled, “Yes. Always. I want to be your girlfriend. I want us to be together,” I said seriously before nuzzling my head back into the crook of his neck.
“We are together,” he said, a smile evident in his voice. “I’ve wanted to hear that from you for ages,” he added. Gently his hand guided my chin up to look at him. I looked into his hazel eyes before he closed them and leaned in to kiss me.