Honor, Courage, and Commitment

Honor: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

Commitment: a pledge or promise; obligation

Explosions were heard everywhere and they lit up the sky like some kind of destructive firework. The scent of gun powder and burning flesh filled my nostrils with a scent that I would never forget. Those who still lived screamed in pain and agony. I knew I would never forget that too. Body parts littered the streets like trash as blood flowed down into the sewers. Just walking down a street made me feel like I was walking among the dead due to the corpses. I felt like I was in Hell but then again, I was in Iraq for another deployment.

If I wanted to live, there would be no rest for me. I wanted to get out alive so I had to play it smart. I didn’t know if there was some mine buried in the street or some suicide bomber on a roof, waiting for the opportune moment. I didn’t know who I could trust and it scared me. I didn’t know if one of my friends had a bomb strapped to his side, waiting to explode when I came closer to him, or the poor kid, screaming for his mom, wasn’t also an unintentional suicide bomber.

I was a soldier in the United States Army and here I was for a second time in the anus of world, Iraq. I had to obey the orders given to me and I did. I had to obey the orders of those appointed over me. I was committed to my job and way of life. This was my life and as much as I wanted to go home, I couldn’t. I had to have the courage to honor my commitment. This is what I signed up for and it is my job.

Adrenaline and fear was what kept me going. I’ll admit that I’m scared that I’ll die here. I’m only twenty-six and I knew I hadn’t experienced all that life had to offer. I hadn’t fully lived and if I died here, I’d be one pissed off motherfucker in the afterlife. I hadn’t even gotten married but then again, I had no girl waiting for me when I’d return. Still, I wanted to live so I could find a girl that be there, waiting for me when I came home. I wanted someone to come home to.

Is that selfish? I don’t think so but I may be being bias.

Anyway, I slowly maneuvered my way around the city. Cautiously running across intersections in fear that I’d be walking into a trap. I also had to try and ignore the live ones screaming at me to help them. I knew that they were beyond medical help and it was only a matter of time before death came for them. I had been trained to only help those that were easy fixes and could be put back in battle the quickest. No one fit the bill here so I couldn’t help them. I only could apologize as I ran past them, avoiding their eyes. I knew that if I looked back at them, I’d see the fear and abandonment and I’d run back to help them, putting myself at danger. I only could honor their spirits when we were safe and praying for the dead.

I still felt bad but I had to save my own ass.

I ducked behind a turned-over vehicle to catch my breath. My watch said it was 0129 and I knew I had a few minutes to regain my strength. I leaned against the roof of the vehicle as I sat down on the sandy ground. I didn’t care about getting sand on my uniform; it was already caked with dirt, mud, and blood. Besides, I’d been wearing it for three days now. I didn’t care about what I looked like. I mean, honestly, who was going to judge my appearance here? As I said, it didn’t matter.

A sigh escaped as I closed my eyes for a moment. I hadn’t slept in so long so I was exhausted. I had been in this godforsaken city for so long. All, I wanted to do was sleep but I was scared that if I did, I would sleeping for all of eternity. That’s what gave me the motivation to open my eyes.

When I opened them, I realized I was looking up. The sky was pitch black and the stars were bright, like diamonds among coal. Here, the sky looked amazing. It was pure and untainted by the city lights, making the sky even more beautiful. I always loved looking at the night sky whenever I could. There was something about it that was so relaxing and it made me feel at peace. When I looked at the sky, I didn’t have to worry about anything or stress out about something. I could just relax. I appreciated a moment like this.

People back home don’t appreciate things like this; they don’t appreciate the simple things. After coming back from my first deployment, I realized that people were self-absorbed and over entitled. The shit I’d gone through made me appreciate the little things while I watched people go among their lives, nothing was going on when people were dying on the other side of the fucking world. I watched an egotistical girl bitch about not getting a car for her sixteenth birthday when I saw kids, running in the streets, looking for food. I watched a man yell at a barista for screwing up his coffee order when I also saw a woman, crying as held her dying child.

I just came to the idea that people in the civilian world are complete jackasses.

“Shit,” I muttered when I looked at my watch.

It was 0145. I may have been sitting here for too long.

“Holy shit, Brian!”

I was ready to fire my rifle when I turned around to find my best friend, Jimmy, running towards me. He joined the Army when I did and somehow, we were able to stay together throughout our military careers. All through boot camp and eventually into deployment, we stuck with each other. He was there when I needed someone and I was there when he needed someone. I was lucky to have my best friend with me in the pits of Hell. Jimmy made life out here at little easier and I knew I did the same for him.

“Thank god,” I sighed, lowering my rifle and letting out a sigh of relief, “Finally someone I know.”

“I know, right,” he joked but became serious as he continued, scratching his arm, “I can’t believe we all got separated. You’re the only one I found, alive.”

“Alive? What do you mean,” I asked, now worried.

Were we the only ones left? The thought terrified me. I was scared that I’d be stuck here, waiting for savior to take me away from this place. I didn’t want to revert back to a primitive state here and lose all sense of humanity. I had seen it happen to before. Last deployment, we found a soldier whose platoon was killed off, leaving him to figure out his way around. Instead, he reverted to a caveman state of kill or be killed. I was scared of turning out like that at the end of this deployment.

“I saw Leighton’s body about three blocks down and in an alley, I found Williams’ arm. I recognized his tattoo.”

“I can’t believe it. Both of them?”

Jimmy nodded solemnly, silently confirming what I didn’t want to believe.

Forrest Leighton and Robert Williams were in my platoon. We weren’t close but I knew them as good people, both so polite and respectful. I remember playing cards with them once a week since we got here. I couldn’t believe they were dead. At first, I thought Jimmy could be wrong but when he said he recognized Williams’ tattoo, then I knew it was true. Williams’ had his parents’ names tattooed onto his arms. He was incredibly close with his parents and now, they lost a son. Both families lost a son.

This country took two brave men away from my platoon and their families. They had the courage to fight until the death. They gave their lives to protect the home front; they gave their honor to fight for their country. That is commitment right there.

“Come on,” I said after a few moments, “Let’s try and find anyone. Something is telling me that we shouldn’t stay here for long.”

Jimmy agreed and we began our cautious trek to find someone on our side or better yet, our platoon.

It seemed like time had slowed as we wandered around the city. Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like forever. We talked to one another, keeping the other sane as we searched for someone we knew. Silence would have driven us insane so we talked about whatever was on our minds: alcohol, girls, things we wanted to do when we got back home, the lost dream of forming a band with some other friends, etc. To past the time, we just talked.

“Remember Khione,” Jimmy asked as we crossed an empty street.

“The ice bitch from Johnny’s? Yeah, I remember her.”

“I’m going to try and hook up with her,” Jimmy admitted.

I laughed quietly. Khione Drew was a bartender at our favorite bar, Johnny’s, and she was well known bitch. She was rude and had a serious attitude problem. The only thing good about her was her looks and I thinks that’s why she hasn’t been fired: she brings in a lot of male customers every night. Hell, whenever we went there, I’d see a crowd of guys gathering around the bar area, trying to hit on her. Of course, she’d snap at them and say that they were not worthy of her attention. Jimmy knew this and yet, he was still attracted to her. Whenever we went there, he’d try and hit on her but she always gave him the cold shoulder. Hence my fond nickname of “ice bitch”. I told him he could do better than her but he was hooked. I stood by my earlier statement of her being a bitch.

“Hey, she’s smoking hot,” Jimmy insisted.

“No, she’s an ice bitch,” I retorted.

We just laughed to ourselves as we started some random conversation about high school. At times, I wished I was back to those days. Everything back then seemed so simple. Life wasn’t as complicated and difficult. All I had to do was wake up, go to school, go to my job at the music store, then go back home. It was so simple that I cannot understand why I complained so much about it at the time. It was all routine and basic but now, I’m thrown into the battlefield of life, literally.

“Red sun,” Jimmy noted, looking towards the east.

I looked towards the eastern part of the city and saw that the sun was rising. It looked beautiful but for some reason, the sun looked redder than usual. I mean, yeah, the sun is red to begin with but it seemed darker, like blood. I remember once my commanding officer, Colonel Jayson Drake, once said that when a red sun rises, blood will be shed that day. I never really found out if he was right but I really didn’t want to find out. Something in my gut told me that something was going to happen today. I didn’t feel right and honestly, I was scared. I was afraid that there was going to be a blood bath today.

“Remember what Colonel Drake said,” I asked.

Jimmy nodded and sighed. He was thinking the same thing but we both know that it was inevitable. With being a solder, bloodshed was common so we should be used to it. Yet, it was hard to forget. I still had nightmares of seeing the faces of my fallen comrades, screaming in pain as they were killed.

I shook my head, trying to forget those thoughts. Though, it was useless because I had something gnawing at the bottom of my stomach, telling me that something bad was going to happen.

“GET DOWN,” I heard Colonel Drake yell as gun shots filled the air.

As soon as we got to the center of the city, someone opened fired on us. Luckily, we found the some of our squadron there and amazingly, Colonel Drake was there as well. As soon as the first shot was fired, he ordered a full on attack, screaming that he wasn’t going down without a fight and he was taking as many terrorists as he could. There was a reason why he was our commanding officer.

I ran behind the fountain, thinking about a million things and one. My eyes scanned the area, trying to pin-point every enemy we had but it was hard. The sounds of people screaming, gunshots, and the sand flying everywhere was making it difficult. I was scared that if I fired, then I’d accidently hit one of my friends. I didn’t want to accidently kill someone but I knew I had to open fire.

“TAKE THAT YOU MOTHER FUCKERS,” I yelled, aiming for the roofs, “DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!”

“THAT-A-BOY, HANER,” Colonel Drake hollered back to me as he ran to a different area, apparently chasing some terrorist.

I couldn’t help but smile. The Colonel was dedicated committed to defending the honor of the States. I had to admire his courage. I watched as bullets grazed his skin as he ran but he didn’t seem to notice. He just charged into battle, screaming something that I didn’t understand but I knew it something along the lines of “Die Motherfucker”. Everyone looked up to him for a reason. He didn’t care if he died as long as he knew that the country was safe.

The more shots that were fired, the more men went down on both sides. I saw Will Tucker and Aaron Smith go down. Tucker’s body fell into the fountain as Smith fell into an empty building. I knew they didn’t go down without taking people with them. A body fell from the sky, indicating that Tucker’s last shot hit the guy on the roof, instantly killing him. Smith’s last shot was aimed towards a barrel of gunpowder which exploded, killing those terrorists around it. I was impressed and I knew that those two will be causing a riot in Hell.

“Take that, fuckface,” I snarled as I punched a terrorist in the face and then shot him in the leg, “That’s for Leighton, Williams, Tucker, and Smith.”

He cursed at me in Arabic and I shot him again, not caring whether or not he died. My friends were dead thanks to him and I wanted revenge.

“Brian,” Jimmy screamed at me.

I turned around but found myself being pushed to the ground. Jimmy knocked me out of the way and instead of falling in my direction, he fell backwards. My eyes widened as I saw the blood staining his uniform. His blue eyes were wide with shock as he fell, indicating he knew what had happened to him. He landed a couple of feet away from me and I instantly scrambled towards him.

“You idiot,” I said, grabbing him by the collar, “Why’d you do that?”

“You’re my best friend,” Jimmy coughed, blood coming from his mouth.

His breathing was labored and I knew that he was hit in a vital area. I think Jimmy knew it as well because he seemed perfectly calm about the whole thing whereas I was hysterical.

“Make sure you send some of them bastards to Hell,” Jimmy said, grabbing my arm, “Honor that.”

“I will,” I sobbed, trying to hold back the tears, “I will.”

“Do you have the courage to honor that commitment,” Jimmy asked with a little smile on his face.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“Good, then do it.”

Then his grip on my arm loosed and his arm fell to the ground. His eyes closed as his head fell back. No more struggled breathing came from him as the body of Jimmy Sullivan went still. I laid down his body and looked at every damn Iraqi in the area.

“DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL,” I screamed, charging into the battlefield and into madness.