Spotless Mind

"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about."

I look up to meet your gaze, my stomuch instantly consumed by butterflies. I do not like it. Not one bit. "What do you mean?"

You exhale and shake your head, almost like you are dissapointed. "Whenever I get too close, you shut down and push me away - making some sarcastic jab."

It takes me a while to reply. I mean, what can I say? What is it that I can say that won't push you away and ruin what we have?

"I really like you." I manage to choke out.

"I'm into you too."

I look away, calculating my words. I can still feel your eyes on me, and I start to feel vulnerable - another unwelcome emotion that does not come my way often.

We walk for a while and all I want to do is to push you against the wall and kiss you all over. Praise you for making me feel like this - something that I did not think possible after what he did to me. You really are special and it kills me that we can never be together.

I look up again and study your face as you look straight foreward, expression unreadable. You are in your uniform today - sandy pants and a navy polo. Your soft black hair is slicked back, and the big black jacket seems a bit too much for the warm weather we have been having lately.

I think you caught me looking because you turn toward me and smile - your teeth pearly white against the dark beard. "Dork."

I laugh and now openly take you in. I try to count every freckle on your face, but istantly abandon the notion as your lively eyes capture me instead. The pink flush on your cheeks make you seem like a little kid, and I want to trust you so bad. You have no idea how much I want to just trust you.