That's What You Get.

“You were so cute”

Becky was talking about me and John, about the way she found us when she got home. We were cuddling and sleeping together, just sleeping.

“When he saw me coming in he was sleepy and he immediately got up, he was embarrassed. Then I told him that if he wanted he could have stayed, I mean I could have slept in Emma’s room, but he didn’t want to. He just told me if I had a piece of paper and a pen, then he wrote something and went away”

I read the note once again, and then threw it in the bin.

“Why did you do it?”

“Because he actually sounds gay by saying I look cute when I sleep”

“And that’s a problem because…?”

“Because I don’t want him to get gay too much…I mean…the whole cuddling thing is ok, but I don’t want it to happen again…I was drunk, it happened just because I was”

“I think you’re still drunk”

“I think you should understand that John and I are not like you and your boyfriend”

“Oh yes, you’re right, I forgot you just want to have sex with him”

“I’m just not familiar with cuteness when he’s around. Every time it happens everything becomes awkward. I don’t want us to be awkward. I prefer when it’s just all about sex. I’m more comfortable with it”

“As you prefer, it’s your sex whatever relationship, I don’t even know why I care this much”

I knew that would have come. She always took it personal when I started to answer in that cynical way.
She thought I didn’t want to talk about that thing I was going through, but actually there was nothing to talk about. She was the one having the perfect boyfriend that always did everything look like a fairytale. I wasn’t the one searching for that. I liked having sex with John and lately we were becoming more than what we started and what we decided to be at first. It wasn’t because of the hang over I was saying this.
It always crossed my mind and I always shut those voices up because in some twisted kind of way I liked it.
But then, reality hit me in a hard way. Getting drunk wasn’t expected, and unexpected was this new John who wanted me to be safe. Something was changing and I wasn’t sure I wanted it to change.
I liked the way we were. The laughing, the sex, the secrets. I liked him when he was nice with me, but not that much. I didn’t ask him to stay, he decided to and I didn’t deny the offer because I was barely able to think. I think I should have told him. Or maybe just avoid him for a while and make him understand we weren’t a priority. He could have slept with other girls, I wasn’t his girlfriend. Of course, I would have been jealous at first, but then I would have understood and left him alone. In the meanwhile, I could have done the same, if I wanted to. John was great at sex, and I would have missed it, but he didn’t have any obligations to me. He didn’t have chains. We started as strangers, and I wanted us to stay strangers.

“Come on Becks, you know what I think about this”

“No actually I don’t. You seem afraid of what could happen between you two. Being in love it’s not something bad…you think it’s a shame to find someone that likes you back, but it’s not”

“It’s not like that. I just don’t want to get hurt. I like to be sure that everything we do is just random sex with nothing else involved. There’s nothing bad about it. I have an entire life to get a proper boyfriend. Now I just want to have fun”

“Then you should talk about it with him because what I saw yesterday night goes way over the word fun”

“We’ll see what happens”

“Don’t screw everything up”

“There’s nothing to screw up. There’s absolutely nothing”

She puffed and shook her head. We were two different people, and that probably was the reason why we were friends. She looked at me before going out and closing the door, leaving me alone. I crawled into bed again: it was Sunday, I had a massive headache and all I wanted was sleep until the day after.
I stared at the ceiling wondering why everything had to become so hard, and how did I get into that situation, when the first thing I decided was to have pure fun with John, especially with his body.
Getting along with him was ok, talking and laughing was a great step, but we needed to stop walking forward. We should have taken a step back. I should have.

The silence was interrupted by the sound of the ring tone of my phone: a text from John. Perfect.

“Are you alive and ok?”

I sighed and thought it was ok to delete the text, pretending I never got it. But then I felt such a bitch: he just wanted to know how I felt.

“I’m ok, thanks. Just in bed, I need rest. My head hurts like hell. Talk to you soon yeah? Thanks again. Xx”

He didn’t reply.
For the whole day I just wandered in the house talking to my sisters, except of Jules. The last thing I wanted was talking to her or even seeing her.
I was eating cereals when I saw someone entering the house, and it wasn’t a sister. I recognized the body and when he saw me, he waved at me and approached.

“I saw you pretty much wasted yesterday”

“I didn’t see you at the party”

“I got into it”

“How? You know you’re not welcome”

“I don’t care?”

I smiled. He sat in front of me and watched me while eating. It was awkward but his eyes were like penetrating me like knives, and I almost liked it. The way he tried to get with me was funny: no one before was so determined. No one but John: but Zack wasn’t John. Actually, they were the exact opposite.

“What do you want Zack?”

“Talking with you maybe? Knowing if you’re ok after the hangover you got?”

“You all seem so interested in knowing how I feel today”

“Maybe we are. Well, I am”

“Thank you Zack. As you see, I’m fine, so I guess your job here is done”

“Why don’t you like me?”

“Why do you think I don’t like you?”

“I feel it”

“I do like you Zack. Every girl in this house likes you, and I can’t blame them”

“But…?”

“There’s no but”

He smiled.

“Do you think we could go out sometimes? I mean I know you’re going out with that O’Callaghan…”

I stopped him.

“I’m not going out with him. And yes, we can hang around sometimes”

“Wow, I didn’t think you would have said yes”

“Just because I refused it once, it doesn’t mean I have to refuse twice”

“That makes sense”

“Goodbye Zack”

He sighed and got up the chair in front of me “Talk to you soon Andrea Harris”.
He got out the house and before I could even think of what I did, I heard Jules’ voice from the back.

“This is going to get bad”

“Evaporate”

“Poor John, replaced by Mr. Steroids”

“I’m not replacing anyone”

“Right. You’re just screwing with two guys at a time. That’s honorable for a sister to act like a proper slut”

“Jules, go away before I make you become bald”

She laughed and disappeared, making me losing appetite. I didn’t think I made a mess, but deciding to go out with Zack wasn’t a good idea. It didn’t look that way when I accepted his nice offer, at least for me.
John didn’t agree, though.