That's What You Get.

Another night and another party on the beach.
I was used to the life of the party since when I got to college, and I loved to be in a crowded house with tons of people having fun all together. Usually I had fun too, but lately I’ve been re-thinking that.
The last parties I went to were all full of bad situations and bad feelings, especially for me.
If I thought there was anything worst to the worse, well I was wrong.

“This whole dressing up thing is so annoying. I would love to wear a pair of normal shorts and a tank top, but no I’m a girl I need to be perfect and all set up with a bra that pushes up my boobs to my throat and a thong inside my ass, dammit I want to get back and born as a guy”

“Well I don’t think Alex would be happy about it”

She laughed and threw a dress on the bed. She was beautiful, and so different from me. My eyes were brown and so was my long straight hair. Rebecca was blonde with blue eyes. We were so different but yet so close. She was so girly sometimes that all those pink clothes she had made me vomit. But then she looked gorgeous when she wore them. Probably I was just envy of her looking always perfect and happy.
I always joked about her being in a beautiful relationship with a prince charming look alike, because all that romantic shit wasn’t for me. But then, if that made her happy, I should have been happy for her too.
And I was; I mean it. But still, I envied her. She had everything she wanted in her life, and all I had was a broken heart and a bunch of lies I used to tell when I didn’t know how to react to what was happening.

I got dressed with a simple black and white striped t-shirt and shorts. I didn’t even care about my looks.
I just put on some make up to avoid that pale color I had on my face.
We got to the beach and I immediately saw John, probably because I was looking for him. He had skinny jeans and a Kurt Cobain t-shirt on. He always had great taste in music, that’s something I always liked about him, even before I got I liked him more that I thought.
Now it wasn’t just about him being really good looking, now I missed him and I felt down thinking of him being with someone else. I wanted him back; I wanted him to be mine. But still, all those feeling scared the crap out of me. More than a horror movie, more than the thought of being dead. I never wanted anyone or anything that much, and that’s why I was afraid of being different. I never wanted to change for someone, John included. Love make people change too much. Love was something scary but yet so beautiful.
Or at least that’s what Kennedy always said.
I wondered if now that he knew what kind of person his ex-girlfriend was, he thought being in love with her was something good. He was hurt and you can’t forget a feeling like that in a day. We aren’t robots. We’re people, we’re human. I always felt cynic about love until it found me. Now I knew how it felt like to be in love. It totally sucked.

“Hey babe, here you are”

Zack approached and I could totally say he was kind of drunk. Or at least close to it.
He smelled like alcohol from head to toe and it almost made me angry to have him next to me. I tried to act normal, like it was ok for me to be with him in that moment. I’ve been thinking I was a great actress lately.
In fact, I always pretended I felt nothing for someone I felt everything for, for several months.

“Can we go somewhere else, together?”

Before I could say anything he took me by the hand and brought me far from the crowd.

“Where are we going?”

“I want to tell you something, it’s important”

“And it takes us to go this far?”

He didn’t reply. Then we reached the pier but he managed to go under it. It was dark and I felt weird.
I didn’t want to be there and alone with him.

“Is this far enough?”

He didn’t even listen. He tried to kiss me, getting his tongue into my mouth with impatience. I pushed him away, still feeling the alcohol on my lips.

“Zack, what the fuck!”

“Oh come on Andy! It’s been over a month!”

“And what’s this suppose to mean? I’m not a slut!”

“Then why you always fucked that O’Callaghan?”

“It’s none of your business. Now let’s go back, you’re irritating me”

I walked past him but he took me insistently by the arm, almost hurting me.

“Zack let me go or I will scream until I have no air in my lungs”

“I just want us to be together”

“No you want me to fuck with you so you can tell your brothers you finally did it with Andy the slut”

“Babe it’s not like that, come on please”

“Zack you’re drunk, let me go and I will pretend this never happened”

He probably didn’t listen to any word I said; he lifted me from the ground and took me against one of the timbers that held up the whole pier. He tried to kiss me again, with strength, holding my wrists. I was really scared and the fact that we were pretty far from the party made me think I was about to be raped by a drunk guy who basically almost pretended to like me thinking that I would have had sex with him sooner or later because of what they heard of me. They thought I was a giant slut who slept with everyone, but actually the only guy I slept with in college was John. People always told shit about me since high school, just because I liked to party and I liked to hang out with guys. Well they were all wrong.
I liked sex but the only one I wanted to have sex with was John. I maybe flirted when I was drunk or high but that didn’t mean I wanted to fuck every guy I talked to, although I should have fucked every guy in John and Kennedy’s fraternity. People always believed what they wanted, and I never cared.
But probably I should have, as Zack was about to hurt me and force me to have sex with him.

“Hey, fucking asshole, leave her alone!”

I heard a voice behind him and we both looked who was. When I saw John all I could do was smile wide.

“What do you want O’Callaghan?”

“I want you to let her go”

“And I want you to go the fuck away, it’s none of your business what we’re doing here”

“Well I think it is”

“O’Callaghan you don’t really want to fight with me now”

“I’m not here to fight you”

“Then go away”

“I will go away only if you let Andy go”

The tension between them was unbearable. They were like two lions fighting for territory. I didn’t want them to get in a fight for me. I didn’t want John to get punched by a very drunk Zack. I just wanted to go away and take John with me. Zack was dangerous in that moment. He was drunk and horny, and guys are always dangerous when they get drunk and want to get laid. Besides, Zack’s muscles were bigger than John’s whole body. It would have ended badly for him anyways.

“O’Callaghan, go back to your girl and I will get back to mine, before I smash your head”

“She’s everything but your girl right now”

“For sure she isn’t yours”

“She will never be yours. You’re just a dickhead”

“And you’re not?”

“Guys stop it”

I tried to scream and tell John to stop it. At least he was sober. But none of them listened to my voice. They were too busy to fight about who was the best for me that they forgot all the rest.
Guys are so weird and full of themselves sometimes. Their ego is massive, and they just can’t stay out of trouble. John and Zack were no different.

“Andy, come here, come on”

John reached out for my hand: he kept looking at me like he was trying to convince me to take it but he didn’t have to do anything like that. I was sure I was going to take it.
I ran to him and took it, feeling the urge to hug him and thank him.

“Don’t ever get close to her again or I will tell everyone what you tried to do”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“No I’m not. So you better get off and leave her alone” he looked back down to me and we both thought it was time to get back “come on, let’s go back”

Before we could take a step, Zack pushed John from the back, making him fall. I helped him but he told me to step back. That was the beginning of the end.
John stood up and got close to Zack, with fire in his eyes. That was becoming too personal.

“Don’t you ever touch me again”

“Or what are you going to do, uh? You’re half me, you can’t do anything”

“You’re wrong”

“Prove it then. Show me what a man you are, little pussy in those skinny jeans”

At that point, Josh pushed Zack back, but he didn’t fall. John didn’t have a chance, physically speaking. Zack was right on one thing: John was half him, maybe he was taller but he definitely was skinnier. And then, Zack was a football player. You don’t mess with football players, or maybe it’s better to say you really don’t want to mess with them. They know how to hurt: they practice every single day on how to take down someone else. I was afraid Zack would have hurt John really bad.
I tried to stop them, I also tried to stop Zack by taking him by his arm but he pushed me away with strength.

“Is this the least you can do? Come on O’Callaghan, fucking punch me!”

“John don’t do it!”

Zack punched John before he could do anything. John didn’t expect that move and fell down immediately, but he tried to stand up again. Then he ran to Zack but it didn’t take long before he was down again. He tried in every way to fight him but Zack was too strong: his fists were made of iron, his muscles of rock.
Undecided on what to do, I ran back to call Kennedy. As soon as he saw me worried he followed me to see that John was lying on the sand alone. Zack was gone.
I was about to help John out when Vicky ran to us and especially to him.

“John! What happened? Who did this to you?” She saw me and started to throw words at me “It’s your fault! You’re the reason why John is like this right now! Fuck you! Go away bitch! Leave him alone!”

I stood up and stepped back. Kennedy saw the whole scene and asked me to stay but I felt too much pain in that moment. John was in that situation because of me, I was guilty, I was responsible for that and Vicky was right. I was the black sheep; I was the one who started it without even wanting.
I wanted to help Kennedy to bring John to his room but maybe it was better for me to disappear.
John wasn’t safe with me. I exposed him to a risk, and he got in a fist fight for me. I never asked it.
Since when he started to feel different for me, things changed in every way, and he got hurt. I broke his heart more than once, and now he had his nose broken as well. I never wanted it to happen.

I entered my room and immediately looked for some Vodka in the mini fridge: Kennedy left some when we got drunk together. I found the bottle and started drinking. I just wanted to forget for a while.
Then I got a text.

“John is in his room. He’s ok. He has a black eye, and a couple of bruises. I’m going back to tell my brothers, Vicky is in there with him. You should go and visit him, he asked me about you. This is the right moment to work things out Andy. Don’t let the chance slip away like you always do. I love you, and he does as well.
Kennedy”.