That's What You Get.

I always was afraid of reacting. I always let people and chances slipping by because I wasn’t strong as I thought. I would have preferred losing him than being hurt, but at least have tried.
I should have changed before it was too late. Kennedy was –as always- right. I had to take the chance.
I left the bottle of Vodka on the floor and stood up. I needed to talk to John no matter what.
I walked straight to the hotel the Theta Chi were all staying, which was close to ours, and asked for Kennedy’s room, the one he shared with John for the holiday.
Once the receptionist told me it was room number 212, I didn’t even wait for the elevator. I started to run up as fast as I could to the second floor, reading all the room numbers, looking for the right one.
And finally there it was. Two thousand and twelve. Two one two.
I felt my heart beating so fast like it was about to go up to my throat, and it wasn’t just for the run.
I was afraid of walking through that door. But I couldn’t take that anymore.
I knocked on the door and waited for someone to open: of course it was Vicky to do it. As soon as she recognized it was me, she looked at me with disgust.

“Oh, it’s you”

I heard John asking who it was. Vicky looked at him and then back at me. She was hurt as well, I could tell.

“It’s all yours”

She closed the door, leaving us alone. I felt his stare on me, and as soon as I met his green eyes, I felt relieved. He was lying in bed, with a black eye and a couple of bruises on his lips and jaws, just like Kenny said. I approached and sat on the bed, quite far but yet so close.
He smiled and I smiled back, weakly. I felt bad for what happened to him, and I was the only responsible.

“I’m impressed” I looked away, pretty embarrassed “I didn’t think you showed up”

“I came to apologize”

“For what exactly?”

“Well, for what Zack did to you. Vicky is right; it’s my fault if now you look like this”

“How do I look? Like a complete prick?” I laughed nervously.

“Does it hurt?

“I’m used to it”

I didn’t know what he was talking about, and even if I had quite a feeling, I didn’t want to delve into it.

“Thank you for helping me out there. I didn’t know what he had in mind”

“I had an idea of what he wanted to do, that’s why I followed you”

“Were you stalking me?”

“More like…walking far behind you” we both smiled.

“Well, I guess it was a good idea then”

“Are you ok now?”

“Yes, totally, that’s why I wanted to thank you”

“When I saw he kissed you roughly I just couldn’t stay out of it. Once I told you that no one can force you in doing something you don’t want to do. Do you remember?” I nodded “well, that was exactly what I meant. Zack was trying to force you to have sex with him. I couldn’t stay there and watch without doing anything” I smiled again “I can’t stay away from you Andy, I just…can’t”

I should have probably kissed him in that moment. I should have, but again, I didn’t do it.

“I didn’t want you to be involved. That’s why I’m saying Vicky is right when she…” he interrupted me.

“Fuck Vicky. She doesn’t know shit”

“John she is your girlfriend”

“Was” he corrected “She just broke up with me. She got that something was wrong. This wasn’t good since the beginning, and she knew it, but she hoped I could change. But people don’t change so fast”

I thought that saying I was sorry was really inappropriate, because I really wasn’t. Finally Vicky was out of our way. And Jules too. Now we were able to work things out for good, if we only wanted to.
If I only had the guts to open up.

“What matters is that you’re ok and that Zack didn’t hurt you”

“But he hurt you”

“These bruises will pass, eventually”

“Those makes you a wild man” he laughed out loud “Girls could fall for it”

“Does it work?” I laughed, this time.

“I have to say, it does”

Silence got us in an awkward moment then. We both didn’t know what to say. Or well, we knew but we were afraid of talking. I was. As always, I thought the best way was to run away.
That’s why I stood up the bed.

“John, I should probably go…I…I just came to see how you were doing. And you should rest”

He took my hand before I could step back: I looked our hands together and then his eyes again.

“Andy, please” he begged “Stay”

If I stayed, everything could have been solved. Everything would have come back to the way it was, or even better. I went to visit him with that aim. I had to stay. I wanted to stay.
I climbed the bed and lied down with him, staying quite far from his body. I felt his hand looking out for mine, and when he found it, he never let it go for the rest of the night. I looked at him as soon as I felt his stare. I would have wanted to picture that moment. It was like, after all we’ve been through, we were finally trying to find a common point where to start all over again, together.

“I’m glad you didn’t have sex with Mr. Steroids”

“I’m glad you came before that could happen”

“Come here”

He opened his arms, showing an empty place. I got closer and hugged him, always holding his hand. I felt his warm breath on me and his hands touching my hair, until his mouth kissed them.
I sighed and started playing with his fingers. All that, made in silence.
We didn’t need more words, we needed facts. I needed to show him I had a heart.
We both felt asleep, in that same position.

When I woke up, I couldn’t believe we still were both there. We were used to disappear as soon as possible, but at that time I didn’t want to go away. I wanted to look at him while sleeping and waiting for him to wake up. I never took a proper look on how gorgeous he was while sleeping. He looked like a happy kid.
I sighed and sat on the bed, looking outside. The sun was shining and it was hitting us hard.

“Good morning”

I turned to John, who was stretching his body. I smiled immediately.

“Hey”

“You didn’t go away”

“You asked me to stay, remember?”

“You’ve got a point”

We stayed both in silence for a while. We were trying to find the right words to say, I guess. It was hard to act like nothing happened, and there was so much to say.

“Kennedy came in this morning, but he saw us and he didn’t want to make third wheel, as he said”

“I thought you were sleeping”

“I was for a while. Then I woke up, then I felt again; these bruises hurt and I feel my face as big as a balloon”

“Well you kinda look like one”

“Ah, I do, do I, you say?”

“Yes, besides, look at that dark color on your face”

“You’re messing with the wrong guy Andy Harris”

“Oh really? Show me what you got O’Callaghan”

He took me from my hips and started tickling me. I started laughing hard because I can’t stand tickles, begging him to stop, but he didn’t listen. I was about to piss my pants when he finally stopped.
Then there was this awkward moment, where we both stared at each other, basically one on another, breathing slowly, and undecided on what to do. That would have been the perfect moment.
He should have kissed me, he could have, and I wouldn’t have rejected him. But he didn’t.
He just managed to touch my cheek softly, and then smile weakly. I didn’t get it.

“I’m glad you’re here”

The old John would have stripped me from my clothes in the blink of an eye.
The new John just caressed my face, saying he was glad I was there with him.
The old Andy would have walked away without even saying goodbye, because she was too afraid.
The new Andy was in love with the new John and she wasn’t afraid anymore.

“I’m glad I’m here”

John smiled wide and kissed my forehead. Then he got off of me, off of the bed, reaching for my hand.

“Are we going to go out or not? I’m not going to be stuck in here for the whole day, the California sun is waiting for me. I have to show people my bruises of war”

I laughed and took his hand. We went out of the room, hand in hand, trying to start all over again.
But this time, we would have done it together.