Fight for You

He answered his phone with a smile. “Hey beautiful,” he said.

“Gerard,” her voice was soft. He could barely hear her.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?”

“I wanted to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” he was confused.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t have any more fight left in me.”

His eyes widened, his heart skipped a beat. Was she really saying what he thought she was saying? “What do you mean?” he tried to make his tone calm for her sake.

“I thought I could get through this but I can’t Gee. I’m sorry…” He could tell she was crying.

He began to go through his belongings, searching for his key. He finally found it and got up in a hurry to leave. “Gerard, where are you going?” Frank asked.

“You can’t leave now. We just-“ Mikey started.

“I have to go,” he told them and flew out the door. He threw his car into drive and went as fast as the speed limit allowed. “Are you still there?” he asked into his phone, gripping it tightly in one hand.

“Yeah,” she sounded so broken.

“Hang on, I’m on my way.”

She sobbed in response.

“You don’t want to die.”

“I do,” she argued.

“No, you don’t. You’re upset, you’re hurting, it seems like this is the answer but it’s not. You don’t think you can handle any more pain, you want it to end, you don’t think it will get better but it will. It’s going to be ok even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. I know that for a fact. Don’t you trust me?” He tried to remember what was said to him over the phone all those years ago when he was in this place.

“I do trust you but…I can’t do this anymore.”

“Listen to me. Just wait until I get there, okay? We can talk about it and if you still want to do it after that I’ll let you go.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he stared ahead at the dark road and the dim street lights. His car was speeding now but he didn’t care. There was something more important on his mind than getting a ticket. He tried to think of what to say. He was desperate. He promised her he’d let her go but it was a promise he knew he couldn’t keep. He’d stay up with her all night if that was what it took. In the end he knew he’d have to leave but he clung tightly to faith that she would be better after their talk. She had to be better…she just had to. “Where are you?” he asked her though he was sure he knew the answer.

“Where do you think?”

She was at the usual place, that shitty hotel room where they always met. He pulled into the parking lot and raced to the familiar room. She was sitting on the floor, looking out the window. Tears fell in rivers down her face. He walked over slowly so he didn’t scare her. She didn’t move, didn’t even look at him. He kneeled down close to her. He could see the pills spread around her and the razor blade shining in the light from the ceiling. “Talk to me,” he encouraged.

“He doesn’t leave me alone Gerard. How am I supposed to live with someone who hurts me so much? Why should I have to suffer?”

“You shouldn’t,” he shakes his head. “It’s not fair. A lot of things in life are not fair. You get through them and you never have to look back. You get through them and you become stronger because of it.”

She believed these things when he said them because he had lived them. He understood and supported her. He knew what he was talking about. He was proof. He was hope.

“She doesn’t even see it. They’re all so blind. I tried so many times and they just don’t see it. She’s always so upset because of me…because I’m a loser. I’m all messed up and it makes her sad…disappointed. I don’t want to be trouble Gerard. If I went away there would be no more trouble, you know?”

“You are not trouble. She cares about you and so do I. You are not a loser. You are not messed up. Do you think I am?”

She shook her head, still not looking at him. “Of course not.”

“You will make it through this just like I did. I know you will.”

“I’m tired of fighting.”

“Then I’ll fight for you. I will take care of you, protect you, and help you. I will be by your side always. I will be here when you call for me. If you are feeling weak I will give you strength. When you cry I will comfort you. When you feel like you can’t go on I will carry you. I will never leave you. You are not alone.”

She crawled over to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Thin arms circled his waist. He kissed her hair and held her tightly. He had saved her again. He would always save her. It didn’t trouble him in the least bit. He was there for her whenever she needed him to be because that’s what it is to truly care for someone. She loved him with her little broken heart and he wouldn’t trade that feeling for the world. He would always be her hero as long as she still wanted him to be. “Thank you,” she whispered. She stayed there listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart and finally found comfort in his embrace.