Until the End

I let out a happy sigh, plopping down on the edge of the stage. The Berrys and I had finished packing up the stage five minutes ago, making it nine thirty. The twins were off doing…twin things and I was just relaxing. It felt good to just take a nice break after everything that has been happening lately. It was all so overwhelming. I smirked when I heard the soft, failed attempts at tip toeing on the stage behind me.

“You know, you suck at sneaking up on people Jimbo.” A groaned was heard and childish stomping was heard as he approached me. He sat on the left of me, legs crossed.

“How did you know it was me?” He whined.

“Well who else would be dumb enough to try to sneak up behind me?” He grumbled a few things under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest in a pouting manner. “Besides, I could tell by your footsteps.”

“My footsteps?” Jimmy echoed. I nodded in reply. “What are you, a fucking superwoman?”

“Of course not silly,” I laughed. “When I was younger my friend thought me how to be a pretty hardcore hunter. I can tell you who everyone is by their footsteps. I learned the same with animals. She is pretty talented.”

“Sounds like it,” Jimmy agreed. It fell silent as we both looked into the night sky. You know, for being in the city and all, you wouldn’t really expect to see stars. But there they are. “Hey Hayden?”

“Yeah Jim Jam?” I turned to the drummer to see his labret getting pulled into his mouth. Nervously he brushed his bangs out of his face just for them to fall back in place. He huffed, glaring at the ground.

“Never mind.” I glared at him, sitting up straight.

“Nu uh. I saved you from getting butt raped by a rapist so you owe me whatever’s on your mind.”

“You are very good at negotiations,” Jimmy murmured.

“Another skill Sarah helped me with. Now tell me,” I whined, shoving his shoulder lightly.

“Did you know rapist has been fired?” Jimmy asked, his failed attempt at changing the subject. I rolled my eyes slightly, deciding to play along.

“No way. Did you tell Thor what happened?”

“Didn’t need to. Turns out he got caught red-handed stealing merchandise. I think it was karma calling,” Jimmy said happily.

“Sweet action. Now tell me what you were really going to say before you pathetically changed the subject.” Jimmy sighed, scratching the back of his head. I laughed, pushing some stray hairs behind my ear. “C’mon Jimmy, it can’t be that hard. Just say it.”

“No it’s nothing. I gotta go,” Jimmy rushed, jumping off stage and all but running away. I let out a groan, throwing my hands in the air.

“Why are guys so fucking confusing?!”

“Because it’s in the contract.” I turned to see Brian hopping up on stage in Jimmy’s place. His legs rested over the side, swing back and forth to let a light thud, thud continuously echo in the small area. “We were all given a contract at birth to confuse women, minus our mothers.”

“You got that contract?” I scoffed. “Last time I checked you take longer in the bathroom getting ready than I do. And you packed two and a half suitcases worth of shit for tour.”

“Do you want advice or not?” Brian pouted, sticking out his bottom lip in a childish fashion. I laughed but stayed quiet. “That’s what I thought. Now, I’ve known Jimmy the longest out of all the guys.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re coming out of the closest for him,” I groaned playfully.

“Would you take me serious for once?”

“No promises.” He muttered a few incoherent words, but took this opportunity to continue anyway.

“Like I was saying, I know how he acts. Especially how he acts around someone he likes.” I raised an eyebrow, but decided not to interrupt him this time. “He becomes nervous, he stutters, he literally lights up when the person’s in the room, he bites his labret a lot, and he tends to smoke a bit more than usual. He also talks about the person when they’re not around. I’ll let you know now, he does all of that with you.”

“Really?” I would never admit it, especially to Brian, but my heart was almost smothered by hope. I mean, every teenaged girl has that day dream hope that a rock star would fall for her. To think it’s actually happening, God, I could die happy this second….Probably the wrong choice of words. Brian smiled and chuckled a bit.

“I’m going to assume you like him too?” I shrugged with a small smile. “Nu uh missy, either you do or you don’t.”

“Okay, okay. I do like him. But, I don’t want to be his rebound. I mean, that whole thing with Leana only happened a few months ago. He’s obviously still grieving.”

“No, grieving was when he wouldn’t leave his room, even for drums. Grieving was when he would sit, covered in filth for days, and not even get out of bed. He is not grieving anymore. He’s recovering. It’s just, well, when someone hurts you that bad you just kind of try to forget and move on with life. It’s still in his brain, it still comes out when he’s drinking, but he’s over it.” Brian fell silent, looking at his lap and twiddling his fingers.

“So you’re saying he is completely over it?” Brian nodded.

“It’s an odd way, kind of contradictory, but he’s completely over it. He can’t help his subconscious. One day it will be completely gone, but for now emotionally he can handle a new relationship. As long as you treat him right,” Brian trailed off, a warning on his face.

“Of course I would!” I exclaimed. I bit my lip, looking down. “But he’s seven years older than me. That’s strange, even for my standards.”

“So? Age is just a number. Either way, aren’t you turning nineteen soon?”

“In about a month or so,” I replied.

“Well see, you’ll be one year closer then.” I chuckled, nodding a bit. “But I’m going to tell you this Hayden. If you truly like him, honestly and wholly, you need to take the first step to tell him.”

“Wha - what?” I stuttered. I could never tell anyone I liked them. When I tried to in high school I almost fainted, the main reason I had been single most of the time those four years. Well, unless I got that guy that found it cute. I was sold then.

“You have to at least tell him you kind of like him. At that point he will snap and spill his whole soul to you. It may be a bit overwhelming at first, but it will get bearable, especially if you do like him.” I let this sink in, my mouth unconsciously agape. In my mind I was painting a picture of Jimmy in tears, sobbing like an overdramatic actor, hugging my legs.

“I just love you so much! You’re like the missing half of my soul! I want to have four thousand babies with you just because you’re so amazing!”

I literally slapped myself back to reality. Not because of how incredibly stupid that sounds, but for the simple fact is that I can truly see Jimmy saying something like that. And the sad part is, he would be completely and utterly serious if that’s how he felt. Dear God, I hope it wasn’t that serious. I will probably cry from fear of having a vagina the size of the Death Star.

“Hayden?”

“I’m okay,” I said out of reflex, looking up at Brian who was giving me a raised eyebrow look.

“Really? ‘Cause you just slapped yourself, turned bright red, and then you looked like you were about to cry from some kind of painful torture,” Brian retorted.

“That’s my thinking process,” I replied slowly, letting my eyes slide to the right side of my view, staring intently at a car on the highway.

“Okaaaay.” He just let it drop at that. “You should go find Jimmy.”

“Fine.” I hopped off stage and started to walk forward.

“Really?”

“Duh.” With that I left the way Jimmy had run. Was I really going to try to find Jimmy? Yeah. Was I going to tell him? I hope to God I grow the lady balls before that. I ended up walking in a circle, three times, before I decided he might not be in this ten feet radius by where the merch tents used to be. I have lost the ability to grow lady balls and now I am just stalling.

I fell to sit Indian style on the ground, leaning against the fence that ran around the perimeter of the venue. I slipped out a cigarette, muttering about how stupid and pansy-like I was under my breath. I lit up my smoke, taking a long, deep drag. Just then a voice broke me out of my self hatred. “Hayden?”

I looked up and who else would luck have it but Jimmy standing in front of me. “Oh hey Jimmy. Been looking for ya.”

“Definitely getting far sitting on your ass and smoking,” he chuckled, sitting next to me with his legs propped up.

“Yeah, got me there.” I nervously rubbed the back of my neck with my free hand. It lapsed into an awkward-ish silence, only the sound of me taking drags and releasing breaths filled the air. Finally I looked over at Jimmy. I took a deep breath before saying, “Jimmy, I - ”

I never got to finish. Why? Because his lips were glued to mine that same second.