Status: comments=updates always<3
Red Snow
Mesh
Luca and I were sitting with Alex, Amber and Ashleigh at the same park where we had smoked together the first time. Luca was teaching them how to swear in German, and I was simply cuddled into Luca's side.
It's been a little over a month since he and I started dating. And to be totally honest, it's been what I could say were the best few weeks of my life.
For once, I feel totally cared for. I feel wanted, and needed and not like a burden on anyone. I have been spending less and less time at my aunt and uncle's home. I've even started carrying around another back pack-that all my new found friends use as a purse-with clothes and vital toiletry items. I started this because most nights, I'm couch surfing.
Not in a bad 'can't-go-home' sort of way, but in a happy sense. And I don't truly couch surf, I usually share a bed at what ever house I'm at. I don't have a huge wardrobe to begin with, so Alex lets me keep a duffel-bag full of most of my things in his car.
Most of the nights I'm away from home, I sleep at Alex's. He has his own apartment. He says that his parents still pay for it, so I know they're not estranged, but he never talks to them either. I guess because he's happy, the situation doesn't matter.
Luca also stays with Alex and I many nights. These are my second favorite nights. It's so much fun being around friends who just accept me for the little freak of nature I am. I really love them for that.
Sometimes, I've been so happy that I almost laughed...but I caught myself in time. I can't make any noise. Not ever. Not ever again.
"Snow, what are you thinking of?" Luca asked me. I looked into his eyes and knew that he understood i was thinking of something unhappy. We have this special non-verbal communication, Luca and I. I love it.
"Please smile Schätzchen, you are so beautiful when you smile." This comment made me blush slightly and my lips curved upward as I looked down.
Luca pulled my chin up gently and pressed our heads together, lips breaths from kissing. My heart sped up and I couldn't bring myself to look away from his entrancing eyes. it's moments like these that I feel I will always belong to him
We leaned in at the same time and I felt his eyes flutter closed at the same moment as mine. Our kisses stared softly and slowly became more lustful. I know that Luca is a very sexual person, but he has been the best and hasn't pushed me much at all.
He makes me do nothing I don't want to, though Luca does like to try to take my clothing off as much as possible.
In slow amounts I've gotten more comfortable with him seeing my scars. I still try to hide my face as much as possible, but ever time I shy away, he holds me tightly and murmurs that I'm beautiful over and over.
I've been staying at Luca's this whole week, just the two of us. His sister wanted me to have dinner with them, but Luca explained my situation-and I'm sure other things-to her and she says that I am invited whenever I'm ready.
Most nights I stay here, Luca and I watch movies and I help him with his homework. Being around him so much, I finally convinced him to do some of it.
These nights I have alone with Luca are my favorite. We watch movies, or just sit and talk. Or read, or Luca will watch me draw. I also sometimes listen to him sing. He only does in German, but I've picked up a little this week.
I don't understand most of what comes from his throat, but his voice is beautiful. Luca sings when he does anything than requires him to think. He says that 'this singing helps me to put my mind in the correct order.'
I think he's also figured out that I love when he sings, so he does it more.
I love how we contrast so perfectly. Before I had hated the fact that we were so different, I seemed like my feelings would never be anything more than just that, feelings. But Luca and I clash so perfectly we mesh together. It's perfect.
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
Sizzling is all I can hear.
Burning flesh is all I can smell.
Blood is all I can taste.
Searing pain is all I can feel.
Blood splattered snow is all I can see.
The whiteness becomes fuzzy, I don't have the strength to scream any more. My throat burns from thirst and every time I swallow, I feel blood bubble up from the slashes across my neck.
I can barely breath, the pain is too much for my eight year old psyche. I try to scream again, to beg for the men to stop as I see a shadow with more stinging heat or more sharp blades getting bigger.
The face looms over me and-
"Snow, Snow!" Luca's angelic voice drags me from my night terror. I gasp and cling to his muscled form. Soon, sobs erupt from my mouth and I shake.
"It is fine now leibling," Luca whispers. "I am here now, no thing will ever harm you when I am here. I will never let this happen."
He strokes my long hair and holds me tightly. Slowly, my choking painful crying lessens, and I concentrate on Luca's smell. On how I feel so safe with his body wrapped around mine and how Luca's heart beat is slow and steady in his chest, how mine should be.
I sniffle and rub at my eyes, trying to dry my face. Luca takes my hand carefully and looks into my eyes. They say that he will always be there to save me.
Luca kisses up my arm, on to my neck, to my other hand, to my collar bones. He kisses my forehead and nose as well, covering my body in feather soft brushes of his lips.
My breathing and heart slow more and I watch him. He comes back to my face now, kissing both my cheeks; my eyes. Then softly places his lips on mine, moving at a slow tempo.
My eyes slip closed and I get lost in the happiness that is swelling from inside my small person. I forget what my nightmare was about, I love that Luca can do this. He can make me forget everything.
I never want this to end
I does though, Luca gently pulling me down onto the bed again. I curl myself into him, and he arches his back, making a nest for my body. He wraps his arms around me and I sigh a happy soundless sigh.
"If you do not want to sleep, I will be awake for you." Luca tells me, but my eyes are already falling closed and soon I drift off into unconscious again, the last thing I feel being the love radiating from the man who is protecting me from myself.
It's been a little over a month since he and I started dating. And to be totally honest, it's been what I could say were the best few weeks of my life.
For once, I feel totally cared for. I feel wanted, and needed and not like a burden on anyone. I have been spending less and less time at my aunt and uncle's home. I've even started carrying around another back pack-that all my new found friends use as a purse-with clothes and vital toiletry items. I started this because most nights, I'm couch surfing.
Not in a bad 'can't-go-home' sort of way, but in a happy sense. And I don't truly couch surf, I usually share a bed at what ever house I'm at. I don't have a huge wardrobe to begin with, so Alex lets me keep a duffel-bag full of most of my things in his car.
Most of the nights I'm away from home, I sleep at Alex's. He has his own apartment. He says that his parents still pay for it, so I know they're not estranged, but he never talks to them either. I guess because he's happy, the situation doesn't matter.
Luca also stays with Alex and I many nights. These are my second favorite nights. It's so much fun being around friends who just accept me for the little freak of nature I am. I really love them for that.
Sometimes, I've been so happy that I almost laughed...but I caught myself in time. I can't make any noise. Not ever. Not ever again.
"Snow, what are you thinking of?" Luca asked me. I looked into his eyes and knew that he understood i was thinking of something unhappy. We have this special non-verbal communication, Luca and I. I love it.
"Please smile Schätzchen, you are so beautiful when you smile." This comment made me blush slightly and my lips curved upward as I looked down.
Luca pulled my chin up gently and pressed our heads together, lips breaths from kissing. My heart sped up and I couldn't bring myself to look away from his entrancing eyes. it's moments like these that I feel I will always belong to him
We leaned in at the same time and I felt his eyes flutter closed at the same moment as mine. Our kisses stared softly and slowly became more lustful. I know that Luca is a very sexual person, but he has been the best and hasn't pushed me much at all.
He makes me do nothing I don't want to, though Luca does like to try to take my clothing off as much as possible.
In slow amounts I've gotten more comfortable with him seeing my scars. I still try to hide my face as much as possible, but ever time I shy away, he holds me tightly and murmurs that I'm beautiful over and over.
I've been staying at Luca's this whole week, just the two of us. His sister wanted me to have dinner with them, but Luca explained my situation-and I'm sure other things-to her and she says that I am invited whenever I'm ready.
Most nights I stay here, Luca and I watch movies and I help him with his homework. Being around him so much, I finally convinced him to do some of it.
These nights I have alone with Luca are my favorite. We watch movies, or just sit and talk. Or read, or Luca will watch me draw. I also sometimes listen to him sing. He only does in German, but I've picked up a little this week.
I don't understand most of what comes from his throat, but his voice is beautiful. Luca sings when he does anything than requires him to think. He says that 'this singing helps me to put my mind in the correct order.'
I think he's also figured out that I love when he sings, so he does it more.
I love how we contrast so perfectly. Before I had hated the fact that we were so different, I seemed like my feelings would never be anything more than just that, feelings. But Luca and I clash so perfectly we mesh together. It's perfect.
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
Sizzling is all I can hear.
Burning flesh is all I can smell.
Blood is all I can taste.
Searing pain is all I can feel.
Blood splattered snow is all I can see.
The whiteness becomes fuzzy, I don't have the strength to scream any more. My throat burns from thirst and every time I swallow, I feel blood bubble up from the slashes across my neck.
I can barely breath, the pain is too much for my eight year old psyche. I try to scream again, to beg for the men to stop as I see a shadow with more stinging heat or more sharp blades getting bigger.
The face looms over me and-
"Snow, Snow!" Luca's angelic voice drags me from my night terror. I gasp and cling to his muscled form. Soon, sobs erupt from my mouth and I shake.
"It is fine now leibling," Luca whispers. "I am here now, no thing will ever harm you when I am here. I will never let this happen."
He strokes my long hair and holds me tightly. Slowly, my choking painful crying lessens, and I concentrate on Luca's smell. On how I feel so safe with his body wrapped around mine and how Luca's heart beat is slow and steady in his chest, how mine should be.
I sniffle and rub at my eyes, trying to dry my face. Luca takes my hand carefully and looks into my eyes. They say that he will always be there to save me.
Luca kisses up my arm, on to my neck, to my other hand, to my collar bones. He kisses my forehead and nose as well, covering my body in feather soft brushes of his lips.
My breathing and heart slow more and I watch him. He comes back to my face now, kissing both my cheeks; my eyes. Then softly places his lips on mine, moving at a slow tempo.
My eyes slip closed and I get lost in the happiness that is swelling from inside my small person. I forget what my nightmare was about, I love that Luca can do this. He can make me forget everything.
I never want this to end
I does though, Luca gently pulling me down onto the bed again. I curl myself into him, and he arches his back, making a nest for my body. He wraps his arms around me and I sigh a happy soundless sigh.
"If you do not want to sleep, I will be awake for you." Luca tells me, but my eyes are already falling closed and soon I drift off into unconscious again, the last thing I feel being the love radiating from the man who is protecting me from myself.
♠ ♠ ♠
So today during lunch my friends & I pierced my septum! YAY!!!I'm so happy with it.
comments=updates;)
XO
ps- if you don't agree with my life choices, that doesn't mean you can still like my writing!