Tired n' Lonely

Two years passed by. Time moved on with the same relentlessly fast pace which left me wondering where the hell my life had gone and I was left with a 17 year old and a 12 year old... two young adults whose entire lives had seemed to pass me by in the blink of an eye.
Joey did still speak to me, but there was an increasingly distant feeling between our conversations which grew deeper as he became more settled with Abby. I suppose, more than anything, it confirmed that we were never meant to be just friends.
I was sad, of course, but at the same time he had found happiness and I couldn't be upset at him for that. She made him so happy, and willing to settle down, which I had never imagined he would.
Of course, it didn't last.
When she cheated on him I saw his life fall apart... saw him fall into a depression he had never sunk into before... something which pushed him so close to the edge it scared me. I wanted to be there for him, but no one could reach him where he was right now. He was dead to the world, most of the time.
I was desperate to get back in touch with him – to invite him to Boston to stay with me again... but I couldn't reach him on his cell phone and he was never online any more. I didn't take it personally.
It was when I saw pictures of him online, completely fucked on coke, that I picked up my phone and prayed (for the first time in my life) that Wednesday still had the same number he had back in 2002 when we had spent the summer in Boston.
It rang. A good start.
“Hello?”
“Hi... Is that Wednesday?”
“It sure is, who's calling?”
“It's Nicky... You probably don't remember me I...”
“Sure I do.. Your Joey's lady friend from Boston right?”
“Yeah, that's me.”
“So what has you on the end of the phone to me this fine evening?”
“It's Joey... I'm worried about him. Have you spoken to him lately?”
“Oh...” he sounded sad, “no, Nicky... barely anyone has.”
“Do you think he'll be OK?”
“I don't know.”
I don't know what I expected Wednesday to do... there was nothing anyone could do....
“Do you think you can arrange for us to all meet up... like we did that summer? He won't answer his phone to me any more.”
“It's not just you, sweetheart. He hasn't picked up in days.” My heart raced a little, worried that he was lying dead some where, undiscovered. “Look... I'll try my best... I really want to be able to say yes... but if I can't get in touch with him, please don't be too disappointed.”
“Thank you.” I said, ruefully as I hung up the phone, sinking down onto the floor and burying my face in my arms, which were pulling my knees up to my chest.
Oh Joey.... what the hell has this woman done to you? I thought.... I wanted more than anything to be able to give him a hug right now, and I was desperately hoping that Wednesday would be back in touch soon with some good news.
He wasn't.
Days passed... weeks... months...
Then, one day, he was back. Back on my doorstep, as if nothing had happened.
He looked older now than he had when I last saw him.
I opened the door and there he was, as if not a day had passed since he was last here.
He wrapped his arms around me, tightly, and we stood for a while in silent understanding that THIS was his way of saying 'sorry'.
After a while he kissed me, gently, and then he said it:
“Nicky... I need to stay with you a while.”
“It's fine. I'll make up the guest room now.”
I said, as he closed the door behind him and hung his coat up next to my ancient posters.
We sat in silence for a while... the kind of comfortable silence you get with only a true friend. I knew he didn't want to talk, but didn't want to be alone either, and so I stuck the TV on and sat myself down with my laptop.... he seemed so distant and sad. Not himself at all. I wanted to take him into my arms and hold him till all the pain was gone...stupid romantic that I was.
For what seemed like hours we sat in silence, until eventually he spoke out.
“I missed you, you know?”
“I missed you too Joey.”
“It's not that I didn't want to be friends it's just...”
“... there's no need to explain. I know you didn't mean to get so distant from me.”
“I loved her. I thought we were going to be together forever and then...”
“...Joey, I know.... It's hard. Just... try not to think about it now.”
“I fucking hate that I let her get a hold of my heart when she never even gave a fuck about me. I really thought she loved me.”
“Lots of people do love you, you know. Wednesday and I were very worried about you. And your family.”
“And I was too damned stupid to see it.”
“It wasn't stupidity. You were in love... it happens.”
“Never again.”
“Hey... you're my Mr. Rockstar, remember. You don't let a little thing like heartbreak get you this low again, am I understood?”
He smiled at me, and it actually seemed genuine which warmed my heart a little...
“I wish there were more people like you in this world Veronica Moore.... You're one in a million.”
“Well... You're one in 6 billion yourself. Utterly unique. Joey is just... Joey, as Wednesday would say, so pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and remember than no matter how that one woman treated you, you are still an amazing guy. And I, for one, will always love you – no matter what you do, or say.”
“Thankyou, Nicky. I'm so glad I came here. I thought our friendship was dead and then Wednesday told me you had phoned and it.... It made me feel wanted, again, y'know?”
“Well... There's no need to thank me. You did the same for me, all those years ago. I felt alone and unwanted after my husband died and when I met you you made me feel human again. I guess this is karma, eh?”
“I guess so.”
I remembered something and left him to go to my room. My son were safely in bed, unaware that Joey was here, but I saw the door to my daughters room swing shut as I came up the stairs.... she had obviously been listening in on us to try and get some gossip.
“Go to bed, Jade.” I said, without expecting a response as I went in to my room and knelt down at the foot of my bed, to pull out an old and almost forgotten box.
I brought it downstairs with me, wiping a thick layer of dust from the lid.
“OK... look at this.” I said, placing it on his lap. He looked a little confused, then took the lid off to reveal a stack of old letters he had written me.
“Oh my god, you kept these? Right from the start.” He said, picking up the letter he had slid behind my door the second time we ever met.
“Of course I kept them. They're what allowed me to let go.” I said, “before these were in here there were pages and pages of letters my husband wrote me...I needed to let go to that.”
He looked close to tears, as I carried on.
“We may just be friends, and we may never be more than that, but you have replaced him in my heart for good. You did all the way back in '95 when you stepped through my doors with an arm full of flyers. I am always going to love you, and I am always going to be there for you. Whether you turn round tomorrow and say you're giving Abby another chance, or tell me you're gay for Wednesday and only have eyes for him... it doesn't matter if we're a couple or not, because I love you as a friend and nothing will change that.”
“What the hell did I do to deserve you? And why the hell did I not realise I had people like you in my life earlier?”
“Sometimes we have to go through shit to appreciate the good times.”
“I guess that's true.”
“I know I wouldn't have appreciated what we have if I hadn't known what it was like to have no one.”
“Oh god.. we're just as sad as each other.” he said, laughing a little.
“Oh yeah... right pair of old charity cases. Come on you, it's been a while since we sat watching films, we're long over due a session.”
“My turn to pick, right?”
“Right... oh, and Mr. Rockstar...”
“Yeah?”
“Don't you ever do coke like you were again, alright? That shit wasn't fucking recreational.”
“I know, Nix. I won't. I promise you.”