Tired n' Lonely

I rolled over in bed he was gone. I was used to this now. Every morning I would go down stairs and there he was sat quietly at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee infront of him, staring ou across the garden.
He'd lived in his house since he was a boy - it was filled with memories of Paul-and as much as I thought staying away for a bit would benefit, I knew all to well how hard it was to leave memories behind.
I sat opposite from him and just for a second his eyes met my own before he looked back out across the fields.
I could not think of anything to see which didn't seem fake or forced. I suppose just being there was all he needed but it felt as though I really needed to do more.
"Joey, I'm not a shrink. Far from it. But one thing I do know about is losing someone you love. I lost my husband, I lost my mum, I lost my dad and, in a different way, I lost you when you dated Abby. Losing someone is fucking HARD, and you are coping a lot better than you think. But believe me- memories do not fade. I'm sorry if I am wrong, but it fels like you are scared of forgetting about Paul, but every single part of your life is filled with his memory and things he wouldbe so proud of you for. You will never forget him,he'sapart of who you are."
"Thanks." he didn't look away from the window. I stood up, slowly, and contemplated pouring myself a coffee before deciding on leaving him to his thoughts for a while. I had a shower and got myself ready before slipping out quietly for a walk around the neighbourhood. It was a nice day and I wanted to phone my children in private for a talk.
I stared at the sidewalk as I walked along. I wanted to get somewhere private, away from the suburban perfection of the neighbourhood. My phone started to ring, making me jump as it vibrated in my hand. It was an unknown number, from Boston - I answered after three or four rings.
"Hello?"
"Veronica Moore?"
"That's me. Who is calling?"
"I'm a member of the District A-1 police force in the City of Boston police department."
"What the hell has happened?" I had frozen on the spot, though I hadn't noticed this. I suppose I was frozen in panic.

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The door opened and after a moment I felt the bed sag as Joey sat next to where I was lying. I didn't look up. I hoped he would assume I was taking a nap.
He was silent for a while, and unmoving. I presumed he thought I was sleeping, before he lay down beside me.
I moved myelf, a little, resting my head on his chest and wrapping my arm over him.
I said nothing. He said nothing. And, though he didn't know it yet, we were both alone with our grief.
"You were gone a while earlier." He said. There wasno emotion in his voice, it was only said to fill the silence.
"Yeah. You seemed as though you wanted to be alone."
" I did. Thanks for giving me a little time to think."
Back to the silence.
I gripped him a little tighter as I tried to fight back tears and he began to stroke my hair.
"Where did you go?"
"No where. Just down the road."
" But you were gone so long."
"I told you, I thought you could do with time alone"
"Are you... sure... you seem upset."
I couldn't keep it from him anymore. I hadn't wanted to say it. It was like not saying it meant it wasn't real- I was in denial.
"My kids are dead, Joey. Both of them."
He was taken aback."What?"
"My kids... both of them are.. dead."
"When? How? Nicky I can't believe you didn't tell me, I'm so sorry."
"It happened last night. There was some trouble at the shop, Jade sorted it out but the kids followed them home and.... well they came back during the night and started a fire. I've lost everything. My kids, my home, all of my memories... they're all gone."
"Nicky I am so sorry."
"Please. Don't say anything. I just want to thinkfor a while."
"I understand." He moved me a little, to stand up, but I held him tighter and moved closer to him so he stayed put, and after a couple of minutes, for the first time in the 20 years I had known him, I knew he was crying. And so was I.
It was a good couple of hours before we had both stopped, and we were both a real state. My eyes were sore, and I went to get a glass of cold water to soothe them, fetching some extra tissues so Joey could do the same. We sat in each others company all night and I knew then that just being with someone ou loved made grief so much easier to overcome.
I had lost everything - except for him - and it still hadn't sunk in yet. It was going to be more than painful when it did. For now, we would stay close to each other, aware that we were too fragile to cope alone.
At some point he kissed me, and we ended up having sex, but it wasn't carnal, it was comforting. We needed to be close. We needed to be together.